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Be sure to make each other laugh, even when you have made each other cry

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lauren-intro-image
By the time this post is live, we will be 1 week away from the big day. As I’m sure you can imagine, the last few weeks have been just a little bit hectic and I still do have rather a lot left to do — I can hear my mother’s voice in my head saying “typical Lauren” right now. Whilst trying to think of what to write in my last pre-wedding post I struggled to come up with something specific and useful to write about that could shed some light on what it is like to be a bride at the final stages of prep, but nothing was jumping out at me as interesting.

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I felt that writing a post about the last minute tasks that I have to complete may actually add to my sleepless nights, but could potentially help focus me and force me to get those things done… so here is a small insight into my mind when I am lying awake at night thinking of all the things I need to do (please note that this was written over 2 weeks before the wedding day so I still have a little bit of time):

  • Sew up the chuppah canopy
  • Write the final signs and table names
  • Hammer the signs onto posts
  • Finish table plan
  • Sort out the children’s activities and packs
  • Make the table runners
  • Buy last few thank you gifts
  • Get outfit steamed
  • Final beauty prep — final hair appointment, nails etc.
  • Write the place  cards
  • Final meeting with wedding venue staff
  • Arrange transport for all signs, wine and props that we are providing
  • Write up our Ketubah (nicely!)
  • Write vows
  • Get married legally
  • Delegate some of the above!

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Jewish weddings and the importance of the role of parents and family

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A thank you letter

Last week my parents celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary. My sister and I planned a surprise party for them and we decided to decorate the house with photos of their lives together. Sifting through the hundreds of photos made me realise how important my family is to me and also what an incredible relationship my parents have. It got me thinking about what makes a wedding so special. What can possibly make one day something you remember for an entire lifetime? And I realised that the answer is family. Our wedding isn’t just about celebrating our love for each other, but celebrating the love we’ve both been blessed with from the day we were born. Love is what makes the day special, it’s what binds soulmates, families and friends together.

I started to think about our wedding and the role that my family and Gideon’s family have had and will have in our wedding. From dress shopping to checking out the venue; from supplier searches to food tasting our parents have been involved every step of the way. For us it is really important that this wedding celebrates Gid and I just as much as it celebrates our two families coming together as one.

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At our last meeting with Rabbi Miriam Berger who is marrying us, we went through each part of the ceremony. As we are having a reform wedding we are able to choose different components and mix and match traditions. One thing that featured throughout the discussion was the importance of the role our parents and family will play in the ceremony. Gideon and I are walked down the aisle by both our parents. Unlike in other weddings where it is just the father I love the idea that both our parents present their child to everyone and we walk down the aisle as a family unit. Both parents play an equal role in our lives so both parents should be by our sides when we marry each other.

Together with them walking us down the aisle they also stand under the chuppah with us. I love the idea that the chuppah is meant to represent our first home together and I love that we stand under it with our parents. To me it symbolises the importance they have played in helping Gid and I actually get to our wedding day but also the bringing together of both families in our home where both families are always welcome and a central part of the building of it.

niv-shimshon jewish wedding
When choosing my bridesmaids I made the decision to have only family members. Just my sister, Gid’s sister and Gid’s cousins who I consider family. Having them as the central people on my wedding day is really important and again symbolises to me the importance of family within our Jewish wedding. Of course I have the most wonderful friends who would make the most amazing bridesmaids but to me keeping it within the theme of family allows for everything to be close and really makes it feel like two families are coming together as one.

As our parents have been at the centre of our wedding planning this has at times caused some conflict and disagreements. As is the case in most Jewish weddings our guest list is split three ways; my family, his family and Gid and my friends. With a maximum capacity of 160, two semi large families this has been a sticking point throughout the process. Despite lists, new lists, and new new lists being produced we know that as long as our nearest and dearest are with us it will be an amazing day and as long as the list is sorted by the time we send the invites out it will be all be wonderful in the end.

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Real Jewish Brides: Choosing Our Wedding Stationery

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dara-intro-image
Right now, Alex and I are in that really fun stage of wedding planning. Meaning, our invitations have been mailed out (phew!) and we’re just now starting to receive our guests RSVP’s back in the mail. Which for whatever reason, makes wedding planning  that  much more exciting. (what is it about snail mail that’s so deliciously appealing?)

Currently, coming home to check the mail is my favorite part of the afternoon, and because of that, I thought I’d talk about the process of choosing our wedding stationary.  

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Save The Dates

This is essentially a piece of postage that formally alerts your friends and family, that at some point in the not-so-distant-future, they will be receiving an actual wedding invitation. An invitation for an invitation, if you will. Alex didn’t care much about it (or think it was necessary) so he let me take the lead on the design and the entire process. Which I was more than happy to do. The save-the-date is the first piece of tangible evidence that shows we are going to be wed (minus my engagement ring, of course)!  

I booked a quick 30 minute engagement shoot with a local DC photographer, and scheduled our shoot in Georgetown. It was a ridiculously cold morning in March, but at the end of the shoot, we had nearly 200 photos to choose from before we settled on the one we ended up using.  

I loved the various save-the-date options I found online, however the price and lack of flexibility of the designs offered was enough to steer me towards a DIY project. And that’s exactly what we did.

I browsed Etsy until I found something similar to my vision. I worked 1-on-1 with a designer who tweaked everything to my liking. She emailed me a template, which I then uploaded and printed it locally at a shop. 100 copies for just about $50 (not including postage or addressing labels).  

I was thrilled with how they came out. They were in the mail in the very beginning of April. Providing our guests with a full eight months of notice – which for destination weddings seems to be standard etiquette. Fast forward through the summer…

Save The Date

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Real Jewish Brides: I said yes to The Kess, now it’s time for my dress!

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When you research what comes next after choosing your wedding venue, you often see suggestions like “book your officiant” or “find your photographer!” You might even find comments like “you’ll want to get your DJ right away” but “purchase your wedding dress?” That’s definitely not on the top of the standard Wedding To-Do list, but it somehow ended up being my next big wedding check mark.

With a sixteen-month wedding planning period and my sister Jill’s wedding two and half months after Harley and I got engaged, I was in no rush to book anything other than the venue. Even as someone who considers myself to be a serious Type A planner, I’m enjoying having a longer engagement so far because I don’t have to worry about deciding on vendors quickly. In fact, I took a one-month hiatus from searching for a florist when I found myself getting stressed over finding the perfect vendor who fit our style and budget. Somehow, “saying yes to the dress” has been one of the easiest decisions I’ve made related to our wedding and the one that I thought about the least!

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Dawn’s friend, Shelley is wearing a wedding dress from Mariolka’s Bridal Boutique, which inspired her  to shop for her  dress there. Dawn is  also in this picture as one of Shelley’s  bridesmaids! (Image:  Jack Bates Photography)

It all started with my friend Shelley’s wedding (pictured above) in December 2016. Shelley has been one of my best friends and fashion gurus for over 10 years! She got her gorgeous wedding dress at Mariolka’s Bridal Boutique, so naturally I started following the store on social media when I got engaged.

One Sunday in May, Harley and I were relaxing at the pool, and I saw an advertisement on my Facebook newsfeed that Mariolka’s was having a huge sale to make room for the 2017 collections. I figured that I probably wouldn’t find anything because I wasn’t “ready” to look for a wedding dress. I hadn’t started “sweating for the wedding” yet like many brides do, my Wedding Dress Board on Pinterest only had about five pins on it, and I didn’t have wedding dress shopping on my planning timeline until at least August when I would be eleven months away from the big day. I also didn’t want to get too excited because Mariolka’s is a very high-end boutique, which I thought would be out of my price range. Regardless, I made plans to go to Mariolka’s that Tuesday after work with Shelley and my mom. It felt strange going without my sister because I was very much involved with her wedding dress shopping experience, but she lives four hours away and I didn’t want to miss out on the sale!

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What you need to know about getting married within the United Synagogue

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karen-intro-image
It’s all well and good to put all of your time and attention into flowers and party favours but the most important part of your wedding is your ceremony. The ceremony has had VIP status for both Elliot and I since we started planning because it’s a massive moment in our lives, and we want to take as much from it as we can.

We have organised our music choices, selected our rings and met with my Rabbi from Dublin, Rabbi Lent who I’ve known for many years, to discuss the ceremony. He has been very accommodating to our questions and requests about the ceremony and followed up with us on a wedding What’s App thread! All of this sounds lovely but there were some important things to organise, which, if you choose to get married within the United Synagogue*, you’ll also need to know…

I didn’t know much about Jewish marriage laws until I started “marriage lessons”, which I was encouraged to take from my Rabbi. These sessions are organised by the United Synagogue  and their co-ordinator connects you with one of their tutors who relates to your level of observation, to explain the marriage laws to you. The boys need to do them too, and you don’t have to go to classes together.

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My married friends have all been to these classes and while you might say that “it’s not for you”, I found the information given to me about the laws of Niddah (purity) and its purpose (to help a couple to focus on their marriage) to be enlightening and stringent but not as awkward as I had anticipated.

Maybe it was my lovely tutor, a lady a few years older than I, who with seven children had time to organise baking parties and sit with me for an hour a week (I had six lessons, but you can have less if you want), without a wrinkle in sight! For some, this may seem like a waste of time as it’s something you’ll never abide by, but the customs and symbolic references will excite every bride-to-be (for example, white is worn because you are like an angel on your wedding day and given a sin-free state…result!)

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