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How to Craft Your Perfect Interfaith or Jew-ish Wedding Ceremony {with 18Doors}

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Photo by @paramountsight

If you’re planning an interfaith ceremony – or a not-so-traditional Jewish one – it can be hard to know where to start. The fact that there’s no set template to follow can be freeing, but it can also be overwhelming. 

That’s why I’m so excited to share a wonderful wedding ceremony planning tool designed specifically for couples planning interfaith and/or unconventional Jewish weddings. 18Doors, a wonderful nonprofit organization that supports interfaith Jewish couples and families, has launched a DIY Wedding Ceremony Script Builder that makes it easy to explore the key traditions of a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony. With the tool, you can figure out which Jewish traditions speak to you – and which might not – to craft a ceremony that feels true to who you are as a couple, and as a new Jew-ish family. 

If you’ve opted to have a friend or relative officiate your wedding instead of a rabbi or cantor with experience in advising ceremony structure, the wedding ceremony script builder is an invaluable tool.  And did I mention that it’s 100% free to use?!

Photo by Charlotte Watts Photography 

How It Works

To get started, you’ll have access to short videos explaining different components of the Jewish wedding ceremony featuring real footage submitted by interfaith couples from their own Jew-ish weddings. You’ll not only get a brief overview of what the tradition is and what it symbolizes, but you’ll also be able to see modern spins couples have chosen to put on them. 

Once you’ve had a chance to familiarize yourself with the traditions and think what might be good to include in your own wedding, you’ll fill out a short form before being directed to the custom script builder. This tool was created by 18Doors with generous funding from the Jewish Federation of Greater Atlanta. 

Photo by @1028photo

The custom script builder tool will allow you to choose traditions you wish to include to your script, and offer multiple text options for your officiant for each tradition. With a few simple clicks, you can build your ceremony from start to finish and hand it off to your officiant. Whether you’re looking to go modern or traditional, to speak to classical Jewish symbolism or more universal motifs, you’ll be able to choose language that reflects your relationship and the marriage you’re creating. 

Photo by Lacey Gabrielle

For example, as an introductory remark under the chuppah, the script builder presents three different text options:

Option A

________ and ________ stand underneath this chuppah, the Jewish wedding canopy, today as a symbol of the home they have built and will continue to build together. The chuppah reminds us of the Jewish patriarch Abraham and matriarch Sarah who opened their tent to welcome in anyone who passed by. Today, this couple invites you to witness one of the most transitional moments in their lives as they combine their families into one. May they be blessed in doing so under this holy structure.

Option B

In all Jewish weddings, the chuppah acts as a temporary structure that reminds us of how far the Jewish people have come from nomadic times in search of permanence. Today the chuppah shows the community’s supportive role in celebrating this marriage, as this couple creates a permanence in their relationship today. May _____ and ______ build their home in a way that mirrors this chuppah, and allows them to continue to be open to the community that surrounds them.

Option C

Surrounded by those you love, and who love and support you both, you stand underneath this chuppah, the Jewish wedding canopy, the symbol of the home. This home, a unique blend of each of your backgrounds and cultures, is open on all sides, welcoming others to enter into our lives and reminding us that we are part of a larger community. May your home be a shelter against the storm, a haven of peace, a stronghold of faith and love.

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Your Chuppah – Everything You Need To Know

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Everything you need to know about your chuppah
This is a guest post by Lauren Dubell-Beadle, founder of The Chuppah Design Co who created the chuppah above
Image: Babb Photo from Clelia & George’s Jew-ish wedding

{If you are a member of Smashing The Glass’ Brides Club , you can watch Lauren’s video masterclass, ‘Everything You Need To Know About Your Chuppah’ here}

Before the dress, before the center pieces and before the personalized cocktails, your guests will see the symbolic chuppah that you will be married under. If you are like me, you will want that first impression to pack a punch and tell a story at the same time.

Why have a chuppah?

The chuppah goes back a long way and holds a lot of tradition within its simple four-posted structure. Its symbolism is vast, but ultimately the chuppah represents a couples first home that they will build together.

It is open on all four sides to represent the open hospitality the couple will give in their home to their family, friends and acquaintances… fitting more than a handful of your guests under the chuppah would be a challenge!

So the open sides help all your guests feel part of your ceremony. Today many non-Jewish couple choose to include a chuppah in their wedding for its symbolic nature and Jew-ish couples (like my husband and I) also want to have a chuppah, but may come across some challenges finding a rabbi who will willingly marry them or bless them under a chuppah.

US couples may not have the same issue, but if you are lucky enough to find Rabbi Paul Glantz free for your UK (or European) based date then make sure you snap him up! The chuppah was the first ‘Jewish thing’ we knew we wanted at our wedding and our insistence on having one led us to planning a wedding that was truly done ‘our way’. We wanted it to be the start of our meaningful and personal day.

Chuppah ideas
Image: The Image is Found from Michelle & Joseph’s Jewish wedding

Where to get inspiration?

So where do you start with planning your chuppah? Most people make the decision if they want to DIY their chuppah or not before they actually decide what they want… and you can definitely do that… we did.

We knew we wanted to make it ourselves in keeping with the idea of the new couple building their home together and we really didn’t want anyone else’s help for this one part of our day. However, it is important to decide what sort of chuppah will fit in with the overall style of your wedding.

Do you want something simple and traditional (that could be relatively easy to DIY) or do you want a massive eye-catching art installation style that will be pinned and shared all over Instagram after the big day? The latter you may wish to get some help with!

There are three places I’d suggest looking for inspiration at this stage; Smashing the Glass (particularly this post), Pinterest and Instagram the hashtag #chuppah always works a treat!

Whilst you’re scrolling you can begin to think of the style you are heading towards and how you might be able to turn those inspirational images into a reality. Here you might decide if you are DIY-ing or looking for some support from a florist and a rental company or a design service (like me!) for the truly one-off personal chuppah.

book-chuppah
Image: Dave Robbins from Jessie & Craig’s book-themed Jewish wedding

How to turn your vision into reality?

So, you are a newly engaged bride-to-be with a massive wedding Pinterest board and a whole load of new hashtags to follow on Instagram… so how do you turn all these ideas into something for your big day?

Do you go for it and DIY the whole thing or get someone in to do it for you? Both definitely have their merits. If you choose to DIY your chuppah then I’d suggest doing a bit of research before you plan it all out.Continue ReadingContinue Reading

What’s the correct processional order for a Jewish wedding ceremony?

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Jewish wedding question
To begin with, I want to say that “there is no such thing as a ‘generic’ Jewish wedding — no matter what the rabbi tells you, no matter what your mother tells you, and no matter what the caterer tells you”.

That’s not my quote, that’s Anita Diamant’s, from her wonderful book, The New Jewish Wedding. And I start with it, as it’s important to know that just like all other aspects of a Jewish wedding, the processional order will vary with how religious you are, and your local practices, but it will still follow this basic order:

The wedding party enters in this order:

  • Rabbi and/or chazan (cantor) on Rabbi’s right.
  • Bride’s grandparents (or they can choose to be seated beforehand)
  • Groom’s grandparents (or they can choose to be seated beforehand)
  • Ushers in pairs (shortest to tallest)
  • Best man and / or Best woman
  • The groom, escorted by his parents (father on his left, mother on his right)
  • Bridesmaids (individually or in pairs)
  • The bride, escorted by her parents (father on her left, mother on her right)

Jewish-wedding-ceremony-processional-order

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Now THIS is how you break the glass at your Jewish wedding!

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A guide to the Jewish Wedding Ceremony and Order of Service under the chuppah

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DEAR KAREN WEDDING Q3

Good question! Many wonderful traditions come together in a Jewish wedding ceremony and each one symbolises the beauty of the relationship of a husband and wife, as well as their obligations to each other and the Jewish people. Here’s my guide to everything you need to know – for more guidance and inspiration, be sure to sign up for Brides Club, our ultra-informative, always supportive members-only space for Jewish and Jew-ish brides.

Dvorit-and-Ollie-Hackney-Town-Hall
Dvorit and Ollie‘s Jewish wedding | Photo by Claudine Hartzel 

1. Signing of the Ketubah
To start with we have two short, but very important, rituals. The first is the signing of the ketubah. The ketubah is an ancient document —  a marriage contract of sorts — that specifies the groom’s commitments to the bride.  It is signed by two appointed Jewish witnesses, who must not be blood-related family members to the bride and groom.

Ketubot are often beautiful pieces of artwork that can be framed and displayed in the home.

Lucy-Joel-Chiswick-House-Gardens-London-UK
Lucy and Joel‘s Jewish wedding | Photo by Kate Swerdlow Photography

2. Badeken
The second is called the badeken and it happens straight after the ketubah signing. It’s a short but meaningful ritual where the groom covers the bride’s face with her veil. It’s a custom that derives from the biblical account of Jacob’s first marriage, when he was deceived to marry the heavily veiled Leah instead of Rachel, his intended bride. I’ve heard that some egalitarian couples are now balancing this tradition by having the bride place a kippah (yarmulke) on her bridegroom’s head too!

The badeken is often emotionally charged as the bride and groom may not have seen each other for 24 hours or longer (as much as 7 days) until this moment.

Jewish wedding Tzel Hadumim, Neot Kdumim, Israel_0015
Esther and Yoni‘s Jewish wedding | Photo by Ben Kelmer

3. Chuppah
Now it’s time for the wedding party to enter the main ceremony area where all the guests are seated. They make their way towards the focal point of the ceremony –  a canopy held up by four poles known as the the chuppah.

The chuppah represents the shelter and privacy of the home that the bride and groom will create following their marriage. The home is central in Jewish life — it is the place where we grow up, learn to share and love, and from which we also secure our independence. You will see that the bride and groom stand at the centre of it, and the walls are formed by those closest to them. Just as the walls of our home protect us from the elements, offering warmth and security, so too the ‘walls’ of the chuppah — that is our families and friends — provide support and strength with their love.

The bride follows the groom towards the chuppah, and both are usually escorted by their respective sets of parents.

The custom of the bride circling the bridegroom seven times has been interpreted as the symbolic building of a wall of love around the relationship of the bride and groom. Seven represents the most sacred of all numbers in Judaism and also symbolises the wholeness and completeness that they cannot attain separately.

Again, some more modern couples choose to update this ritual by circling around each other three times and then a final figure of eight. Chelm and Jake did this in their fabulously personal Jewish wedding. For more ideas on how to personalize Jewish wedding traditions, download our guide to the top 9 Jewish wedding traditions and ways to personalize them. 

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