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A Gluten-Free and Kosher Pareve Wedding is a Piece of Cake! {with By the Way Bakery}

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I Dream of Gluten-Free

Most 8-year-old girls dream about their perfect wedding dress, but there was only one wedding detail I had always been fixated on since I was a kid—the cake. Growing up gluten-free and dairy-free in a time where those allergens weren’t on anyone’s radar wasn’t easy. I had always assumed that when I got married I’d miss out on the tradition of having my groom feed me in front of a room filled with our friends and family. While it may not be the most important or even glamorous wedding tradition, it was something that I thought about often with a longing sadness. Just something else I’d have to miss out on.

I got engaged in October 2018, and while planning my November 2019 wedding all of the important details seemed to be easily falling into place. The venue was booked, the dress had been found, DJ secured, flowers chosen; one by one things were getting checked off the list—except for the wedding cake.

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Real Jewish Brides: Choosing a Kosher Wedding Venue (or not?)… and a brutally honest ‘congratulations’

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DAWN-INTRO-IMAGE

It’s My Wedding, And I’ll Cry If I Want To…

About a week after returning from Spain, I had overcome the jet lag, gotten used to calling Harley my fiancà©, and told our engagement story about 163548 times. It was such an exciting time, and we were grateful for the support we received, but I have to admit that I considered changing the voice mail greeting on my phone to “how we got engaged” more than once that week! It wasn’t until a meeting at work the following week, when I saw a friend from another department, that I got the most authentic response from a recent bride. The conversation went a little like this…

Christa: “Is that new?!” (pointing at my ring)
Me: “It is!!!”
Christa: “Oh my gosh, congratulations! When’s the big day?!”
Me: “We’re not sure yet. My sister is getting married in May, so we’re trying not to do too much planning before then…we’ll probably just lock down the venue.”
Christa: “Just remember, all the tears you cry while planning your wedding will all be worth it the day after.”
Me:   yikes-emoji

Although I was caught off guard because I was in engagement bliss and hadn’t started the planning process yet, I completely understand now that we’re five months in. Luckily the only tears so far were associated with the stress of deciding on the where and when of our wedding, and we can now laugh about it and share the details of our dream venue!

engagement-story
Dawn + Harley’s engagement story — you can read all about it here

Let The Planning Begin!

As I mentioned in the conversation with my colleague, Harley and I got engaged about two and a half months before my sister and new brother-in-law’s wedding. Since I was still in full “Maid of Honor Mode” and wanted to let them have their time to shine, we decided to only focus on the main attraction until after their wedding…the venue.

Of course, being a normal bride (or at least one who was paranoid about having her favorite vendors book up), there may have been a few exceptions…like when my wedding dress basically fell into my lap months before I even planned on shopping for one. I will happily blog about that experience in a future post!

Operation: Find A Kosher Hotel Venue

Writing this blog on the heels of a camping trip for work in the Florida Keys IN THE SUMMER, I can honestly say I’d be perfectly happy with any venue that has air conditioning. Fortunately, I was not deprived of cold air or water when searching for venues, so my standards were a bit higher. Harley and I agreed from the start that we wanted both the ceremony and reception to take place in a hotel for a number of reasons:

  1. About three quarters of our guest list is made up of out-of-towners, ranging from various parts of Florida to different countries, so we would definitely have to coordinate transportation if we didn’t go with a hotel.
  2. I love the idea of waking up at the venue the morning of the wedding, as well as ending the night there.
  3. Our guests who take advantage of the open bar can safely stumble up to their rooms at the end of the night; and
  4. There will be 15 girls getting ready for the wedding together, so a nice, comfy Bridal Suite is a must!

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Jewish wedding catering: Ideas for kosher-style, or ‘non-offensive’ menus vs. strictly kosher food

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Catering-for-a-Jewish-wedding
Image: Duncan Nicholls for Alison Price 

Those of you in the know will have no doubt heard of  Liesl Lamare from Lamare London, today’s guest blogger. She has created a brilliant bespoke wedding planning service tailored specifically to reflect luxury brides and grooms, and their vision for their wedding day.

She prides herself on going above and beyond to help her brides and grooms, and today she’s going to do just that for you with her advice and mouth-watering menu ideas for those of you that are choosing a ‘kosher-style’ or “non-offensive’ menu for your wedding, rather than a strictly kosher affair. Take it away Liesl!

Food for thought

It is fair to say that catering often plays a big part at a wedding, and can take up the bulk of your wedding budget too! Catering can contribute to your guests’ experience and enjoyment of your wedding — you can take it from us that well fed guests are happy guests! Critically, when planning a Jewish wedding, you may be considering whether or not you should hire a Kosher caterer.

The importance of having Kosher catering may depend on your family beliefs or the strict dietary requirements of your guests. Equally, you may need to consider whether Kosher catering at your chosen reception venue is even an option.

There are several venues that offer Kosher catering or have a relationship with a preferred Kosher caterer who is familiar with your reception venue’s kitchen. Often, in cases when opting for Kosher catering at your chosen venue, the contract is between the couple and the caterer as opposed to the couple and the venue.

Catering for a Jewish wedding Kosher vs. Kosher-Style or 'non-offensive’ menus
A ‘non-offensive’ menu by Alison Price — see menu 1 below for details on each dish). Imagery by Duncan Nicholls

One of the key Kosher rules is not to mix meat and dairy. Should you choose a Kosher-only venue, there will be a meat kitchen separate to a dairy kitchen. But if your venue doesn’t have a separate catering facility, the caterer will need to go into the kitchen to sterilise it to conform with the regulations of kashrut (Jewish dietary law). Catering staff will also only use food products that have been supervised by a rabbi. Kosher caterers will also need to bring in and use all their own equipment as they are unable to use the equipment at a non-Kosher venue. This includes not being able to use the venue’s dishwashers (!), unless they are for Kosher use only, meaning all the equipment must be washed back at the caterer’s own kitchen or by hand in bowls.

Kosher v Kosher-Style or “non-offensive’ catering

With all these regulations to follow, it may now make sense why hiring in a Kosher caterer can often sky-rocket the price per head to an eye-watering level when planning your Jewish wedding. But we are delighted to let you know that there is a more budget-friendly alternative for the Jewish Bride and Groom – Kosher-Style catering. This is also sometimes called “non-offensive catering”.

Catering for a Jewish wedding Kosher vs. Kosher-Style or 'non-offensive’ menus
A ‘non-offensive’ menu by Kalm Kitchen — see their menu below for details on each dish). Imagery by Kalm Kitchen

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Jewish Wedding Glossary – Smashing The Glass Style

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Jewish wedding glossary
So what do those funny-sounding Yiddishe/ Aramaic/Hebrew words associated with a Jewish Wedding really mean? It’s all laid out below for you complete with some all-important insights if you want to be really in the know…

AUFRUF: A short ceremony during the Shabbat (Sabbath) synagogue service that normally takes place on the Saturday morning before the wedding. The groom (and sometimes the bride) are honoured in front of their community. This is often followed by a small party or lunch (any excuse to add some food into a ritual).

ARAMAIC: A semitic language related to Hebrew that is often used as the wording in the ketubah (and a near-unpronouncable dialect that only rabbis seem to be able to enunciate / read).

ASHKENAZI: Jews of Eastern and Central European descent.

BADEKEN: A short but meaningful ceremony where the groom covers the bride’s face with her veil. It occurs just before the actual wedding ceremony and is a custom that derives from the biblical account of Jacob’s first marriage, when he was deceived to marry the heavily veiled Leah instead of Rachel, his intended bride.

The badeken is often emotionally charged as the bride and groom may not have seen each other for 24 hours or longer (as much as 7 days) until this moment.

BADEKEN JEWISH WEDDING
The Badeken ceremony as seen at Karen & Jeremy’s wedding [image by Earthy Photography]


BENCHERS / BENCHING: A small booklet containing the Jewish blessings for a meal (or a Jewish songbook for dinner – we love singing!)

BIRKAT HAMAZON: Jewish blessings recited after a meal – known in English as Grace after Meals (or a Jewish songbook for after dinner jollity).

CHATAN: Hebrew word for groom or a son-in-law. It comes from the verb meaning to tie, connect or covenant.

CHAZAN: A cantor – often a trained musician – who plays an active role in the ceremony in prayers said as songs (and he more often that not sings better than the rabbi).

CHALLAH: Delicious sweet plaited white bread eaten on Shabbat and at celebrations (a bit like a brioche – absolutely scrumptious toasted with a little butter).

CHUPPAH: The wedding canopy which sits atop four poles that represents the couple’s future home(often mistakenly pronounced as ‘Chopper’ as in the bike , or ‘Chupa [Chups]’ as in the lollipops).

CHUPPAH JEWISH WEDDING
A Jewish Chuppah as seen at Lee Ann & Andre’s’ wedding [image by Gavin Hart Photography]

HA MOTZI: A Jewish blessing recited over bread.

HAVA NAGILA: A traditional Hebrew folk song played at Jewish weddings (it’s become the absolute staple of Jewish wedding bands).

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