Gaby and Alex‘s Jewish wedding | Photo by Mike Garrard Photography
If you’re finding yourself a number of weeks out from your Jewish wedding, you’re probably feeling like things are getting really real, really fast. You might be finding yourself overwhelmed by how much there is still left to do.
No matter how hard you’ve worked in the months prior, those last couple of months of wedding planning can be really tricky – but never fear, we’ve got a plan that’ll help you through that last blast of wedmin!
The first part of this plan is an action list of what needs doing, period by period, week by week, while the second dives deeper into certain elements to ensure you’re totally and utterly covered (and then some!) during these last fabulous weeks of planning.
This action plan is slightly adapted from a resource we created for Brides Club, our membership community for Jewish and Jew-ish brides. Inside the community, we’ve got tons of helpful resources for every step of the way, a supportive community of fellow brides-to-be, Zoom chats with Karen where you can ask anything and everything on your mind, and so much more. We’ve got a free 7-day trial going, so do come see what it’s all about.
Alberta and Scott‘s Jewish wedding | Photo by Claudine Hartzel
8 Weeks Before
- Begin working on your wedding vows, if relevant.
- Make sure everyone in your wedding party has outfits.
- Figure out what you’re wearing to your rehearsal dinner.
- Put together a list of what you want to pack for your honeymoon.
- Review playlist with band or DJ.
- Arrange smash glass and smash glass pouch.
Dani and David‘s Jewish wedding | Photo by Derek Preciado
6 Weeks Before
- Make sure you’re updating your gift registry and spreadsheets as gifts arrive.
- Figure out if you want a guest book, and make one happen if so.
- Finalize details of your wedding ceremony.
- Confirm details with all vendors.
- Finalize ketubah witnesses.
- Make shot list for photographer.
Benji and Chris‘s Jewish wedding | Photo by Liam Smith Photography
3-4 Weeks Before
- Have a final meeting with your officiant.
- Make sure everyone taking part in the ceremony understands what is involved.
- Put together your seating chart.
- Create your escort cards.
- Create a wedding timeline.
- Print wedding programs, if you’re having them.
- Get your marriage license.
- Pick a wedding hashtag
- Get to know your wedding shoes! Feel them out, break them in… and if despite your best efforts they remain less than comfortable, consider investing in a comfier pair for the reception!
Victoria and Judah‘s Jewish Wedding | Photo by Alex Knight Studio
1-2 Weeks Before
- Remind your caterer to order challah, wine, and any other needed ritual foods.
- Check in with guests who haven’t RSVP’d.
- Confirm head counts, menus, and delivery with your caterers and bakers.
- Confirm your photo requests and timeline with your photographer.
- Make sure everyone who is delivering something to the wedding has a final timeline.
- Give all of your vendors an emergency number (not yours!).
- Assign a family member to be the photographer’s point of contact.
- Make sure there is a plan for wedding venue setup and breakdown.
- Send timeline to bridal party.
- Pick up dress, have pressed or steamed if necessary
- Reconfirm arrival times with vendors.
- Set aside checks for vendors, put tips in envelopes if handing out at event
- Finalize speeches.
- Send final guest list to caterer/venue.
- Assemble and distribute welcome baskets, if relevant.
- Put together basket for bathrooms, if doing.
Talia and Shawn‘s Jewish wedding | Photo by Ben Kelmer
Day Before
- Rehearse your ceremony with your officiant and wedding party.
- Print out your vows, if relevant.
- Drop off favors, menus, table plans, and place cards with your caterer or venue.
- Get mani pedi.
- Put together bridal emergency kit and entrust to your maid of honor.
- Present attendants with gifts at the rehearsal dinner.
Chloe and Eli‘s Jewish Wedding | Photo by Liam Collard Photography
On the Day
- Eat a good breakfast
- Present parents and each other with gifts, if exchanging.
- Give wedding bands to the best man and maid of honor to hold during the ceremony.
- Introduce your site manager to your consultant or maid of honor for questions.
- Allow yourself plenty of time to get ready
- Relax, smile, and soak in every incredible moment!
Sydney and Chaim‘s Jewish Wedding | Photo by Alex Knight Studio
After the Wedding
- Send out your thank-you notes (to people who helped with the wedding and for gifts).
- Make sure your vendors have been paid in full.
- If you loved your vendors, leave them reviews on Yelp, social media, etc.
- Ensure that rentals have been returned.
- Get wedding gown cleaned and either store or sell/donate.
- If you’re changing your name, take care of the paperwork.
Ali and Andrew‘s Jewish Wedding | Photo by Sarah Merians Photography
Think about What Your Ceremony Will Look Like
By now you probably have a pretty solid idea of what your ceremony is going to look like (though if you don’t, no worries – Jewish Wedding Ceremony 101 will get you up to speed in no time, and if you want to take a deeper dive there’s also our Jewish Wedding Traditions Explained series and our Jew-ish Wedding Ceremony Ideas) but this is the time to nail down all the details.
Make sure the two of you are clear (and on the same page!) about what traditions you will and will not be including, in the ceremony and beyond – for instance, are the two of you going to separate for a week before the wedding, per Jewish tradition? Just the 24 hours before? Not at all?
We’ve got a fantastic resource on all this stuff just for Brides Club members, our Spiritual Jewish Wedding Checklist, and 9 Jewish Wedding Traditions and Our Top Ways to Personalize Them is there for Brides Club members who are looking for some tips on how to combine traditions with who the two of you are as a 21st-century couple.
If you’re going to be writing your own wedding vows or making programs, now’s the time to get those projects wrapped up too (and we’ve got some great Brides Club exclusive resources, including ceremony program templates and a 5-minute guide to everything you need to know to create a Jewish wedding program).
Oh, and whatever you do, don’t forget to arrange your smash glass and Smash Glass pouch!
Olivia and Sam‘s Jewish Wedding | Photo by Ronen Boidek
Get Clear on Your Music Choices
Get clear on your music choices. Are you (and is your band/DJ) clear on the musical vibes you’re going for? Have you decided what version of Hava Nagila you want for the hora? What you’re walking down the aisle to (if you need inspo, we’ve got a guide for Brides Club members on the Top 50 Songs to Walk Down the Aisle To)? What your first dance song will be?
Again, in the resources section you’ll find plenty of help for choosing music for your Jewish wedding.
Sydney and Jared‘s Jewish Wedding | Photo by Herschel Gutman
How to Deal with Late RSVPs and Seating Plans
Yes, it’s getting to be time for one of the most dreaded wedding-planning tasks: rounding up your late RSVP’ers. And you know there are going to be some. Figure out a plan of attack with your spouse-to-be, schedule a few hours, and get to work, whether that means calling, texting, or emailing – you know your guests best.
Once you’ve wheedled a yes or no out of every last one, send that final guest list on to your caterer and venue.
And just when you thought the hard work was over, it’s time for yet another un-favorite wedding task: putting together the seating chart (I know…). But the good news is, you don’t HAVE to assign each guest to an individual seat; if you’d rather just assign people to tables and let them work it out, do it. And if you’re having a smaller, more intimate wedding, you might be able to get away with ditching that table plan altogether.
Lucy and Joel‘s Jewish Wedding | Photo by Kate Swerdlow Photography
Verify with Your Vendors
Make sure to confirm the details for the day with all of your vendors in the weeks leading up to the wedding, and give them all an emergency phone number for use on the day should any issues arise. This should NOT be your number! Find a trusted relative or friend – maybe a member of the bridal party – who’s willing to be on call.
Relatedly, make sure your plan for wedding venue setup and breakdown is solid.
Alexa and Nitay‘s Jewish Wedding | Photo by Tzahi Shemesh
Get a Day-of Coordinator
My biggest tip here – maybe my biggest tip in this whole action plan – is to get yourself a day-of coordinator, if you don’t have a full planner. A DOC will take care of all those pesky details on the day so you’ll be free to enjoy yourself – I didn’t have one at my wedding (I didn’t know they existed at the time!), but in retrospect I absolutely would have, because every second of your big day spent on managing vendors or worrying over your timeline is a second less to savor – and to party with your nearest and dearest. If you’re looking for local recommendations, contact emily@smashingtheglass.com and we’ll recommend you some of our trusted day-of coordinators.
That said, if a DOC isn’t in the cards for you, do make sure to create a thorough wedding timeline (see our Sample Jewish Wedding Day Timeline to get you started) and share it with all the key players – I know it’s no fun now, but it’ll save you so much trouble on the day.
Sophie and Jonny‘s Jewish Wedding | Photo by Liam Collard Photography
Perspective
Let’s be real: as annoying as all those wedmin details can be, they can easily pale in comparison to the drama of dealing with family politics and pushy people in your life.
When it all starts feeling like too much, try to take a step back and remember why you’re doing all this in the first place. Take time for yourself, both individually and as a couple, and make sure you and your intended get some quality wedding planning-free time in. Keep going on dates – even up to the very end, when things might be feeling their most overwhelming! Sure, your wedding is a big day in your life, but it’s just the start of something so much bigger… it’s a (beautiful) stop on the journey, not a destination. If you ever find yourself in need of a perspective top-up, check out our Brides Club resource 10 Real Jewish Brides Tell You What They Wish They’d Known.
Actually, that’s just as true when it comes to those feelings of wedmin overload. Speaking of which… trust your vendors! If you’re reading this, I’m sure you’ve done your research and picked amazing, experienced professionals. They know what they’re doing. I know it can be tempting to try to micromanage every little detail, but you can cut so much stress from these last few months if you take a step back and trust that everyone’s going to do their job just fine.
Ranana and Binyamin‘s Jewish Wedding | Photo by Eliana Melmed Photography
Writing Your Speech (If You Choose to Give One)
If you’re writing a speech for the big day (and I absolutely encourage you to do so – I’m so glad I gave one at my own wedding!), now’s the time to bang it out… and start practicing the delivery. If you’re on the fence about whether or not to give one, or if you know you want to but are having trouble getting started, check out our resources on giving a wedding speech (including tips from none other than Mr. STG himself!).
Nimisha and Sol‘s Hindu-Jewish Wedding | Photo by Roshni Patel Photography
Marriage License
One last thing… don’t forget your marriage license (in the US) or give notice at your local register office (in the UK)!
The rules and regulations on marriage licenses vary pretty widely from place to place in the US, so be sure to find out what the deal is in your locale. For example, if you’re getting married in NYC, you will need to obtain a marriage license at the Marriage Bureau at least 24 hours before you wed.
Note that to register in the UK, you will generally need to give notice at least 28 days (!) in advance of the wedding, so mark those calendars!
Lynn and Lahav‘s Jewish Wedding | Photo by Jossef Si
If you found this helpful, we’ve got lots more resources like it just for members of our Brides Club – try our FREE 7-day trial to check it our for yourself!
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