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The Tisch – Jewish Wedding Traditions Explained #3

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Tisch
All imagery by Blake Ezra Photography. This is part 3 of the 9-part Jewish Wedding Traditions Explained series.

The Tisch, traditionally, is a period of loud and atmospheric boy-time before the ceremony starts. In the more secular world, there are probably some parallels with going for a few drinks in the pub before the big match, but substitute beers for whiskey, football chants for symbolic Hebrew songs, and Barmaids for Rabbis. OK, I admit that may not have been a flawless comparison, but it can be loud and full of energy, whilst meaningfully building the anticipation for the events to come.

Some Grooms opt not to have a Tisch, and instead prefer to be elsewhere in the venue, welcoming guests as they arrive. It all depends on individual preference and also on how religious or spiritual that person is. For me, a wedding is great when it truly represents the couple, so there shouldn’t be pressure on a Groom to have a Tisch, or indeed not to.

The word ‘Tisch’ literally means ‘table’, and the common theme of every Tisch we’ve ever photographed is that there’s a table in the middle, laden with food and drink for the guests to enjoy before the ceremony.

TISCH.
Tisch
Tisch
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The Ketubah – Jewish Wedding Traditions Explained #2

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Ketubah
All imagery by Blake Ezra Photography. This is part 2 of the 9-part Jewish Wedding Traditions Explained series.

In last week’s instalment of Jewish Weddings Explained, we looked at the varied ways in which Jewish couples prepare for their wedding, this week we’ll be looking at the Ketubah. The Ketubah is the name of the traditional Jewish marriage certificate, in Hebrew the word Ketubah literally means ‘something written’.

The content of a Ketubah has always, traditionally been a one-way document detailing what the Groom must provide to the Bride in their married lives together, which includes three main things — clothing, food and physical relations.

This ancient document used to deal with concepts such as payments for marriage, which in today’s modern world simply aren’t applicable to most of us. One passage says, “All my property, real and personal, even the shirt from my back, shall be mortgaged to secure the payment of this marriage contract.” We can understand it not as a way to “secure the payment” of the marriage, but as the Groom saying to his Bride, ‘everything I have is also yours, down to the shirt on my back’.

The Ketubah - Jewish Wedding Traditions Explained
If you’re planning a wedding the Ketubah can be a great thing to personalise to make it more relevant to you. A Ketubah can be decorated in many different ways, with illustrations around the text or colours that represent something about you, indeed there are many artists who custom-make Ketubot, all with a presence on the internet.

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Preparation – Jewish Wedding Traditions Explained #1

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Jewish Wedding Traditions
All imagery by Blake Ezra Photography. This is part 1 of the 9-part Jewish Wedding Traditions Explained series.

Over the course of the next nine weeks, Blake Ezra, one of our amazing Smashing Suppliers, will be examining the Jewish wedding traditions from morning to evening, explaining the key rituals that make Jewish (and Jew-ish) weddings so special as well as suggesting ways to personalise these traditions, and how to make them fit your individual requirements.

This will be a really useful series whether you’re planning a super-traditional wedding, an alternative or interfaith Jewish ‘I Do’, or you just want ideas for modernising the traditions to make them personal to you.

This week it’s all about preparation…

Jewish Wedding Traditions
Jewish Wedding Traditions

MORNING PREPARATION

In many ways, Jewish couples prepare for their wedding ceremony and celebrations just like anybody else. The morning could include getting made over, having a spot of breakfast with family and friends, or heading to the park for some fresh air before the craziness begins. More often than not, the preparation in many Jewish homes tends to involve platters of bagels, with the occasional power ballad being played on the stereo.

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A guide to the Jewish Wedding Ceremony and Order of Service under the chuppah

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DEAR KAREN WEDDING Q3

Good question! Many wonderful traditions come together in a Jewish Wedding Ceremony and each one symbolises the beauty of the relationship of a husband and wife, as well as their obligations to each other and the Jewish people. Here’s my guide to everything you need to know.


Jewish Wedding Chuppah
[ Image: Natasha & Jez’s wedding by Susan Stripling ] 

1. Signing of the Ketubah
To start with we have two short, but very important, rituals. The first is the signing of the ketubah. The ketubah is an ancient document —  a marriage contract of sorts — that specifies the groom’s commitments to the bride.  It is signed by two appointed Jewish witnesses, who must not be blood-related family members to the bride and groom.

Ketubot are often beautiful pieces of artwork that can be framed and displayed in the home.
ketubah
[ Image: Jessica & Pete’s ketubah designed by Jennifer Raichman, by Jonas Seaman ] 

2. Badeken
The second is called the badeken and it happens straight after the ketubah signing. It’s a short but meaningful ritual where the groom covers the bride’s face with her veil. It’s a custom that derives from the biblical account of Jacob’s first marriage, when he was deceived to marry the heavily veiled Leah instead of Rachel, his intended bride. I’ve heard that some egalitarian couples are now balancing this tradition by having the bride place a kippah (yarmulke) on her bridegroom’s head too!

The badeken is often emotionally charged as the bride and groom may not have seen each other for 24 hours or longer (as much as 7 days) until this moment.
wallace-collection-wedding-london3
[ Image: My badeken at my wedding to Jeremy by Earthy Photography ]

3. Chuppah
Now it’s time for the wedding party to enter the main ceremony area where all the guests are seated. They make their way towards the focal point of the ceremony –  a canopy held up by four poles known as the the chuppah.

The chuppah represents the shelter and privacy of the home that the bride and groom will create following their marriage. The home is central in Jewish life — it is the place where we grow up, learn to share and love, and from which we also secure our independence. You will see that the bride and groom stand at the centre of it, and the walls are formed by those closest to them. Just as the walls of our home protect us from the elements, offering warmth and security, so too the ‘walls’ of the chuppah — that is our families and friends — provide support and strength with their love.

The bride follows the groom towards the chuppah, and both are usually escorted by their respective sets of parents.

The custom of the bride circling the bridegroom seven times has been interpreted as the symbolic building of a wall of love around the relationship of the bride and groom. Seven represents the most sacred of all numbers in Judaism and also symbolises the wholeness and completeness that they cannot attain separately.

Again, some more modern couples choose to update this ritual by circling around each other three times and then a final figure of eight. Chelm and Jake did this in their fabulously personal Jewish wedding.

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The Jewish Wedding and Breaking the Glass. Why?

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Breaking the glass `
Image:  Dave & Charlotte

Nothing says “Jewish wedding” more than the sound of the smashing of the glass, so it’s the natural joyous title for my  Jewish wedding blog but why is breaking the glass such an important ritual of the Jewish wedding ceremony?

First and foremost it is the official signal to cheer, dance, shout “Mazal Tov!” and start partying!  But there are various other explanations depending on whom you ask. Some of them are that it:

1. is a representation of the fragility of human relationships; and a reminder that marriage will change your life (hopefully for the good) forever.
2. is a superstition and the loud noise is supposed to drive away evil spirits.
3. is a break with the past: the marriage is to last as long as the glass remains broken, ie. forever.
4. symbolises the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem some 2000 years ago.
5. symbolises a  hope that your happiness will be as plentiful as the shards of glass, or that your children will be as plentiful as the shards of glass.

And so it goes on.  And as with many symbolic acts in Judaism, you can see that there are a host of reasons available to explain why we break the glass at a Jewish wedding. Some Jewish men may also joke that this is the last time the groom gets to ‘put his foot down’!
 Smashing The Glass

Image:  Hatunot Blog  /  Alexey Kudrik

CHOOSE THE INTERPRETATION THAT IS MOST MEANINGFUL TO YOU

Whatever reason resonates with you best, feel free to ask your rabbi or officiant to mention, just before the breaking of the glass, an interpretation that is the most meaningful for you.

And on the subject of breaking the glass, there are all sorts of alternative variations that you can make eg. why not both break the glass together with one swift smash in unison?  Be creative and choose the interpretation of the breaking the glass that means the most to you as a couple and it will make that element of your ceremony more momentous.
Breaking_The_Glass1

Image:  Hatunot Blog  /  Dima Vazinovich

WEDDING SHARD MEZUZAH KEEPSAKE

Once the glass-smashing has been done and you are man and wife, I  think it’s a beautiful idea to create a mezuzah keepsake out of the smashed glass from your wedding ceremony. There are quite a few crafts-y people on Etsy who will create one for you from your shards of glass such as the one below from  Enid Traisman

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