Smashing the Glass | Jewish Wedding Blog

Inspired Jewish Weddings

What you need to know about getting married within the United Synagogue

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It’s all well and good to put all of your time and attention into flowers and party favours but the most important part of your wedding is your ceremony. The ceremony has had VIP status for both Elliot and I since we started planning because it’s a massive moment in our lives, and we want to take as much from it as we can.

We have organised our music choices, selected our rings and met with my Rabbi from Dublin, Rabbi Lent who I’ve known for many years, to discuss the ceremony. He has been very accommodating to our questions and requests about the ceremony and followed up with us on a wedding What’s App thread! All of this sounds lovely but there were some important things to organise, which, if you choose to get married within the United Synagogue*, you’ll also need to know…

I didn’t know much about Jewish marriage laws until I started “marriage lessons”, which I was encouraged to take from my Rabbi. These sessions are organised by the United Synagogue  and their co-ordinator connects you with one of their tutors who relates to your level of observation, to explain the marriage laws to you. The boys need to do them too, and you don’t have to go to classes together.

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My married friends have all been to these classes and while you might say that “it’s not for you”, I found the information given to me about the laws of Niddah (purity) and its purpose (to help a couple to focus on their marriage) to be enlightening and stringent but not as awkward as I had anticipated.

Maybe it was my lovely tutor, a lady a few years older than I, who with seven children had time to organise baking parties and sit with me for an hour a week (I had six lessons, but you can have less if you want), without a wrinkle in sight! For some, this may seem like a waste of time as it’s something you’ll never abide by, but the customs and symbolic references will excite every bride-to-be (for example, white is worn because you are like an angel on your wedding day and given a sin-free state…result!)

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Basic Invite – Pushing the Envelope on Wedding Stationery

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My former life as a graphic designer – pre STG – was awash with Pantone references, fonts, typefaces and paper stock. A love you can’t take out of the girl it seems. So when it comes to wedding invitations, I’m the first in line to coo over a sassy design, a bold choice of colour, thoughtful monogramming, the texture of the invite and the weight of an envelope.     And believe me attention, individuality and quality never go unnoticed.

It’s important to set the tone for your big day and nothing builds anticipation better than the invitation.   It’s the movie trailer, the pre-promote and the amuse bouche to tantalise your guests.

Just as e-commerce for luxury fashion goods has developed over the last decade – think Net a Porter – so too have online destinations for luxury, customised, wedding stationery.

And Basic Invite is one of the best I’ve seen.

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Every paper product you could possibly need

It’s an elegant, online hub for all things printed and wedding –  save the date, invitations, RSVP cards, menus, programs, and thank you cards. And I love that it covers the whole gamut because it’s so important to pull all the threads of your wedding together and coordinate your paper products into one look – it is your brand after all.   But it’s also an incredibly efficient way of organising such an important aspect of the big day, without compromising on style.   Quite honestly, it sometimes feels as though you could make a full time job out of wedding preparation, that is on top of your actual job, so at STG we welcome style-conscious efficiency whole—heartedly.

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I’m a VIP Expert at ‘Brides The Show’ and to celebrate I’m giving away a pair of VIP tickets (worth £100) and 10 pairs of regular tickets!

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Attention lovely brides-to-be! I’m super excited to let you know that I’ve been invited by  Brides The Show  to be one of their VIP Experts  this Saturday 1st  October.  I’m one of several ‘wedding  experts’ available in the VIP Lounge to answer any wedding related questions that  VIP guests may have and  I can’t wait to help.

To celebrate,  I’m hosting a contest to give  away a pair of VIP tickets (worth £100) and 10 pairs of regular tickets. I hope any UK-based brides will enter as I really would love to meet you at the show. Keep reading until the end to find out how to win  (it’s super easy!).

I’m a big fan of  Brides The Show  as everything is so carefully curated under one roof to help you plan your dream wedding in style. A trip to the show brings you  exclusive access to the very best in bridal, from dresses to diamonds, flowers and  cakes, as the event brings together top wedding experts and over 150 luxury suppliers.

Expect the freshest ideas, the highest quality craftsmanship and the very latest trends. With hundreds of luxury exhibitors — including STG-faves, Prezola,  Potcakes Wedding Planners,  Stephanie Allin, The Wedding Shop, and  Wedding Smashers,  you can tick every  item  off your wedding to-do list in style.

As well as sourcing top notch suppliers, you’ll also be able to take part in DIY masterclasses in the  Imagination Room  and enjoy a mesmerising catwalk show featuring all the latest looks  and hottest designers including Monique Lhuillier, Halfpenny London, Stephanie Allin (my wedding dress designer!), Ian Stuart and Suzanne Neville.

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A Ritva Westenius bride for an Italian Garden-themed wedding at Home in London, UK

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Today’s bride, Katie, is just the cutest, and what amazing fashion choices — a W-day gown from  Ritva Westenius  (she chose it as she was after  something pure,  spiritual and simple to reflect the chuppah), dusty pink Manolo Blahnik‘s, and then fired up her look with  a sparkly belt, headpiece and earrings for the  evening party. So so chic!

The venue  is very  special too. It’s Katie’s childhood home and it set the scene for a truly  intimate and meaningful day. The symbolism of their Jewish wedding was so important to these two, and they honoured a  traditional Jewish wedding ritual that I’ve  seen only a few times on the pages of Smashing The Glass: they  spent the entire week before the wedding apart. They didn’t speak, they didn’t even text! In Katie’s words, this made the day so much more special, and it really did  remind them of what the day is all about. Katie’s brother, Ben, spoke under the chuppah, and I love what Katie says about their chuppah design too:

We felt the beauty of the chuppah should come from what is happening underneath rather than what it looks like. We wanted it to be pure and spiritual allowing our guests to focus on the ceremony rather than the chuppah structure itself.

Another detail that was evidently very important to these two was their  Italian garden  theme. They  both spend a lot of time in Tuscany and love that part of the world and they wanted to bring Italiana into every  corner of their wedding! They brought their ideas to life with the help of Ben Krieger from  Outrage Events, and an incredible Italian feast  by Food Story  including spaghetti meatballs, tiramisu, and of limoncello!  The  beautiful themed stationery, designed by one of our much-loved Smashing Suppliers,  Emily & Jo, was even printed in Italian,  and  home-made olive oil  favours alongside oodles of  fresh herbs and lemons  were placed  on every table. You could literally see, touch, taste and smell Italy!

The stunning photography is  by another  of our  hugely talented Smashing Suppliers,  David Pullum Photography.  And there’s also a  fabulous film by Atmotion  too.

So all that leaves me to say is… Cin Cin. Sit back, relax, and enjoy!

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How we  met

Katie, the Bride: We met through a friend and started talking on Facebook in that classic way  ?

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What is a Jew-ish wedding? It’s whatever you want it to be…

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In my opinion the important part of any wedding is the actual ceremony itself. Many people can get lost in the details of the party that comes after and the ceremony just happens through the guidance of a rabbi, priest or registrar. However when you are getting married to someone of a different faith (or no faith at all) then there are some significant choices to be made.

This was something John and I discussed before we were even engaged and knew there was one non-negotiable element to our wedding day. We wanted a chuppah. I had discussed the Jewish wedding ceremony with John who is atheist (unless football is considered a religion??) and we both loved the chuppah’s representation of our first home together, supported by our family and friends. It is universal and whilst it comes from a practice of my Jewish heritage, it also will represent the joining of our two families.

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Missy  & Yoni’s  Jew-ish  wedding ceremony. Click here to read their wedding story

Jew-ish wedding ceremony  options

One thing we weren’t certain of was what the ceremony itself would comprise of. I knew that there wouldn’t be an affiliated rabbi (someone connected to a synagogue organisation) in the UK who would be able to conduct a ceremony or a blessing under a chuppah. Initially I was very frustrated by this. I felt that it was ridiculous that a non-Jewish couple could choose to get married under a canopy after seeing it at a Jewish wedding and liking the symbolism, but I was not able to have a legal wedding or blessing conducted by a rabbi under the same symbolic chuppah.

We could easily have had a civil wedding and then a Jewish blessing straight away, but I didn’t want a long meaningless ceremony followed by a Jewish blessing AND not under a chuppah. Our guests would get bored and so would I for that matter! Many options were bandied about. A civil ceremony earlier on in the day with close family and a blessing that we would invite our guests to? Just a civil ceremony with some sort of Jewish readings? But we didn’t like any of these ideas, they didn’t mean anything to us and I felt like me, my bridesmaids and my mum might need that extra time earlier in the day to put on our war paint! We wanted our wedding to mean something special to us and represent who we are. We said no to the two ceremonies in one day and no to the rabbis.

We decided that we were going to get married legally a few days before our wedding day in a registry office near where we live, just with our close family, and then have a ceremony that truly represents us. This meant that we would be able to get married under a chuppah, with whatever elements we choose and get our family and friends fully involved.

We decided that we wanted to have sheva brachot (seven blessings) written and given to us during the ceremony by seven members of our family and friends, so they will be truly personal to us, a chuppah that we will make ourselves that will showcase the family and friends that have helped to shape us individually until now and John will smash that glass at the end of the ceremony.

Other than that we were excited about all the extra details we would be able to add to our ceremony. But who could we get to ‘officiate’ this ceremony? So along came my charismatic brother Josh who we felt would be a perfect ‘officiant’ for a wedding with his witty banter and strong understanding of Jewish practice and ease of speech that would ensure that all our guests would understand what was going on. Josh has been instrumental in creating this ceremony, yet he still wants to keep a few secrets from John and I. Initially this scared the controlling me, but once I gave him a list of the basic bits we want included and the people we wanted involved, I realised my brother wouldn’t mess up such an important part of the day and let him carry on with his scheming.

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