Smashing the Glass | Jewish Wedding Blog

Inspired Jewish Weddings

Tzeitel & Motel | Rustic Jewish Wedding in Anatevka (with a Fiddler on the Roof)

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Just in time for the holidays we have the most extraordinary real wedding on the blog today. While it’s not the most detail-heavy or Pin-worthy wedding we’ve ever featured, it’s a beautiful tale of love conquering all. What it lacks in decor and style, it makes up for in sincerity, and we just had to share it with you.

Childhood sweethearts, Tzeitel and Motel, never thought they’d make it down the aisle. Even though they had known each other their whole lives and were madly in love, bride Tzeitel’s parents had other ideas. After a near miss with an arranged marriage, the two were finally given papa Tevye’s blessing and couldn’t wait to say “I do”. Nothing could keep these two down – even though the wedding ended with a shocking pogrom, the pair still look back on all the positives of the day.

From their outdoor, rustic chic theme to the special and frankly groundbreaking entertainment (just wait till you see the bottle dancing flashmob) this real wedding is full of joy, heart,  and Jewish soul.

Over to Tzeitel!

How we met

Tzeitel, the bride: Motel and I have known each other since we were children. But, as our village matchmaker, Yente, says: “from such children come other children” — we fell in love.

Around a year before the wedding, we secretly gave each other a pledge that we would marry, or, to put it simply, we got engaged. When my dad found out, he hit the roof so hard he almost knocked the fiddler off it!

Having said that, even though he thought it was a little unheard of and absurd, and that Motel was either out of his mind or crazy, my dad couldn’t help but look into my eyes and allow me to marry for love.

Motel may be a poor tailor, but in the end, my dad recognised that even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness. It was actually quite a beautiful moment, although my mum took some talking round later (that was a bit of a nightmare, actually, but that’s a whole other story).

Given that we didn’t think we’d ever get permission to marry, it really was a wonder of wonders — a miracle of miracles, if you will!

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A Reform Jewish Wedding – a guide to an egalitarian ceremony under the chuppah

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Whilst sitting in shul with my mum one Friday night some years ago, I was fortunate to witness an Aufruf being led by Rabbi Miriam Berger. Miriam spoke so beautifully and passionately about the couple that even though I had never met them it brought a tear to my eye. I still remember turning to my mum to say, “When I get married I want Rabbi Miriam to marry me”.  I’m so happy that she is.

Having grown up in a Reform community, having a Reform wedding was always the natural choice for me. To me, Judaism is all about equality, particularly between men and women so that theme pretty much runs through everything. Here is my guide to weddings; the Reform way.

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Anna & Jon both smashing the glass at their Jewish wedding

The order of service

The order of service is pretty much the same as a traditional Jewish wedding. It follows the same order of the groom entering followed by the bride. We will be married under a beautiful chuppah and are joined there by both sets of parents, the rabbi and our chazan/singer.

The tisch

The tisch is traditionally a time where the rabbi reads through the ketubah outlining the groom’s responsibilities mixed in with some singing, dancing and of course drinking. Reform marriage is all about equality and about marriage being a partnership. Therefore a tisch is not part of a Reform wedding ceremony as the groom is not given a list of responsibilities. Rabbi Miriam has informed Gideon that if he wants some whisky with friends for some dutch courage of course he can! And so can I!

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Bride, Montana, sharing toasting her bridesmaids before her Jewish wedding to Justin 

The badeken

The Jewish wedding tradition of badeken is something I have always found quite powerful: the groom seeing his bride for the first time. Of course the tradition behind it is about the groom checking he has the right bride but I still like it!

After a traditional badeken the bride’s veil is put back over her face and remains like this until the end of the ceremony. In keeping with Reform’s emphasis on equality, Rabbi Miriam spoke to us about the importance of a woman being uncovered for the wedding ceremony as she is just as equal and should be as present in the room as everyone else. This of course means the traditional badeken doesn’t quite work. I really love this idea and based on this we are doing something a little bit different for our bedeken…(not giving away any secrets though!)

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An alternative-style badeken at Missy & Yoni’s Jewish wedding

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Smashing The Glass interviewed in this week’s Jewish Chronicle

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Thank you to the Jewish Chronicle (the UK’s national Jewish newspaper) for interviewing me in this week’s edition. The piece talks about how and why I started Smashing The Glass, my journey with the blog over the last 3.5 years, my consultancy sessions, and of course a little bit about my own Jewish wedding back in 2013.

It’s a lovely way to end the week. Click here to read it (and click the image to enlarge it if you need to!).

Wishing you a wonderful weekend,

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How to Address Wedding Invitations + Envelope Etiquette

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This is a guest post by Jo Bryant, a wedding etiquette specialist

I recently met a newly-wed who was suffering from a common condition: post-wedding-and-honeymoon-blues. In a bid to cheer her up from the onset of dark evenings and the daily grind, we reminisced about her fabulous summer wedding.

We raved about her perfect country barn venue, amazing table of desserts, stunning understated floristry, adorable bridesmaids and comedy first dance, but we also recalled some of the trickier parts of her planning.

None of the disagreements were about the big stuff. In my experience, they rarely are. It seems that the pressures of planning and expectations of everyone involved can blow up over the smallest things.

For my friend, this was a standoff between her and her mother over how to write the guests’ names in the invitations. She wanted the simple option of using first names, but her mother was shocked at such ‘informality’ and was insisting on the Mr & Mrs route. This became one of their biggest cross-generational planning battles…

When it comes to the invitations, writing just ‘Tom and Jo’ (to use me and my husband as the example) is often seen as more suited to many couples’ wishes for a relaxed, informal day. That may be so, but don’t forget that the envelopes need to be written, so you will still have to face a potential minefield of modern forms of address.

Don’t panic! Here are my essential guidelines to help you avoid unnecessary stationery-stress.

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Sending a Signal

The first thing to consider is that the invitations offer the guests a first glimpse of the style and tone of the wedding. It makes sense, therefore, that the styling of the guests’ names is in keeping with nature of the wedding.

For a formal wedding with traditionally formal invitations, it may be most appropriate to opt for the ‘Mr & Mrs’ route. Similarly, first names for guests are best suited to invitations for a more casual day — particularly if the couple, rather than their parents, are the hosts.

That’s Just the Half of It

Once the decision of whether to use first names or a formal Mr & Mrs has been decided, there are many other quandaries to face. What goes on the envelope? What about including children? How to manage maiden names, Miss and Ms? Divorcés and widows? Someone may be a ‘Sir’ or a ‘Dr’. Then there is the tricky matter of the plus-ones (and do you even know their names?)…

Being Proper

If you want to stick to tradition, then the guests’ names on the invitation (and envelope) would be formally styled as the following:

Single man:  Mr Tom Bryant
Single woman:  Ms Jo Jones (see below)
Married couple:  Mr and Mrs Tom Bryant
Unmarried couple:  Mr Tom Bryant and Ms Jo Jones

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A Cymbeline bride for a DIY-detailed Jewish wedding at Parklands, Quendon Hall, Essex, UK

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Brrr… it’s been a bit chilly lately — so we thought we’d bring on an early spring and showcase Ashley and Adam’s bright and beautiful real wedding at Parklands, Quendon Hall, shot by STG fave – Claudine Hartzel.

At Smashing the Glass, we absolutely adore personalised details, and both bride and groom happily rolled up their sleeves and got stuck in creating a wonderfully crafty dà©cor scheme that truly made the day their own. The couple made most of their own decorations, from heart-shaped bunting to burlap-wrapped mason jars, for their relaxed, earthy big day.

In keeping with the natural vibe of the day, the chuppah was built using silver birch wood poles, small floral arrangements and a gorgeous multi-coloured tallit, sourced in Israel by the groom’s parents

To commemorate their dreamy hot air balloon proposal, creative groom, Adam, made a model hot air balloon guest book with a mini basket in which friends and family could leave messages for the couple.

But that wasn’t Adam’s only project. In a romantic move that has set the bar ludicrously high for grooms everywhere (if you listen carefully you can hear a distant, sarcastic chorus of “cheers, mate”), Adam ordered a custom-made bow tie using a design of a painting that Ashley had created for him. It was a wonderful surprise on the day and Ashley was blown away.

The meaningful details were sprinkled through every aspect of the day. Ashley customised her Cymbeline dress with a vintage brooch and wore a bracelet with a trinket from her grandmother so they she could feel connected. And a final, adorable touch was the hand-stamped mini succulent plants as favours for each guest — a lasting memento of a beautiful celebration.

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How we met

Ashley, the bride: My best friend, Tash, knew Adam from uni. One day she invited me to come with her to his birthday drinks and we were introduced there. We met again at Tash’s infamous Seder night parties and then we hit it off again on a camping trip with a group of friends – the rest is history!

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