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The Pros and Cons of using Pinterest to Plan Your Wedding

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This week marks the two-digit countdown to our wedding and things are starting to get a bit scary real! Suddenly all those little things we thought we would leave for a while actually need doing and the dreaded bills are starting to fly in! My Pinterest dream is about to become a reality. But the question is will my wedding live up to the Pinterest dream I had hoped for, and is it possible for weddings to live up to the dream?

I’m not going to lie, I had a very full ‘wedding dreams’ Pinterest board way before I even had a ring on my finger and now as I sit scrolling through it I am curious to know how my ideas changed, if they changed and why they changed.

The ring

I always knew I wanted a ring that was a bit different. Those that know me know I don’t like to go with the trend and it was definitely the case with the ring. My pinned rings are very close to the truth of what I ended up with but that’s because Gideon and I played a lot of ‘let’s look in jewellery windows and pick rings we like’ so I am pretty sure he had a very good idea of what I wanted. That paired with me repeatedly telling my sister and mum what I wanted meant that my Pinterest ring dreams came true. Sapphire and diamond rings are all over my Pinterest board and it’s a Sapphire and Diamond stunner that lives on my hand.

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The dress

As you know I have blogged about my wedding dress and shared with all of you the highs and lows of getting it. I think that one of the main problems with dress shopping is the Pinterest dream people are looking for.

As brides to be we all spend hours scouring the internet for the perfect dress and when reality sets in; my body (and I’m sure I am not the only one) did not fit the dress my Pinterest board had suggested and nor did my budget. The one down fall with Pinterest is that the wedding dresses don’t come with a price tag (maybe a new idea for the IT savvy out there!) so I might have been dreaming a bit out of my price range.

I think dress shopping on Pinterest does need to come with a warning. You can look and enjoy, peruse at your leisure but be realistic. Be true to yourself and remember the line that every bride says: ‘you never end up with the dress you think you will end up with.’ Bare all that in mind and you can pin those dresses to your heart’s content.

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Decorations

I went a little bit pin heavy here. My dream has always been to have this whimsical, barn wedding where everyone is happy and merry and is transported to a world away from London. I have pretty much stuck to it. We are getting married in a barn with fairy lights (despite Gideon’s loud protests) and we are creating a relaxed wedding with as much dancing and fun as we can feasibly fit into the day.

What I would say is that once again Pinterest’s lack of a price tag meant I had no idea how much my vision was going to cost me. I thought hay bales and signs would be cheap but actually when you start adding up all the little things that you think would make it a perfect day suddenly the cost starts creeping up and Gideon is shouting at me that we are over budget again!

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Niki & Will’s Jewish wedding in a barn (image: onelove)

Pinterest allows you to create a wedding where every single small detail is taken care of but actually in reality nobody would know if the small detail was there or not. Of course it would be lovely to have an entire sofa area made out of hay bales with cushions and rugs but actually people will be fine just sitting on chairs. And yes it would be lovely to have our guests sign 500 different pieces of wood and printing their finger on a poster that we might put up in our house one day. But actually, the reality is that people rarely write on those things because they are too drunk or they didn’t see it (speaking from experience at our engagement party). So it won’t be missed. So slowly I learnt that although the small details and decorations of my dream Pinterest wedding would be lovely they aren’t worth pushing the budget for (did you hear that Gideon? I really am trying!).

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A Reform Jewish Wedding – a guide to an egalitarian ceremony under the chuppah

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Whilst sitting in shul with my mum one Friday night some years ago, I was fortunate to witness an Aufruf being led by Rabbi Miriam Berger. Miriam spoke so beautifully and passionately about the couple that even though I had never met them it brought a tear to my eye. I still remember turning to my mum to say, “When I get married I want Rabbi Miriam to marry me”.  I’m so happy that she is.

Having grown up in a Reform community, having a Reform wedding was always the natural choice for me. To me, Judaism is all about equality, particularly between men and women so that theme pretty much runs through everything. Here is my guide to weddings; the Reform way.

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Anna & Jon both smashing the glass at their Jewish wedding

The order of service

The order of service is pretty much the same as a traditional Jewish wedding. It follows the same order of the groom entering followed by the bride. We will be married under a beautiful chuppah and are joined there by both sets of parents, the rabbi and our chazan/singer.

The tisch

The tisch is traditionally a time where the rabbi reads through the ketubah outlining the groom’s responsibilities mixed in with some singing, dancing and of course drinking. Reform marriage is all about equality and about marriage being a partnership. Therefore a tisch is not part of a Reform wedding ceremony as the groom is not given a list of responsibilities. Rabbi Miriam has informed Gideon that if he wants some whisky with friends for some dutch courage of course he can! And so can I!

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Bride, Montana, sharing toasting her bridesmaids before her Jewish wedding to Justin 

The badeken

The Jewish wedding tradition of badeken is something I have always found quite powerful: the groom seeing his bride for the first time. Of course the tradition behind it is about the groom checking he has the right bride but I still like it!

After a traditional badeken the bride’s veil is put back over her face and remains like this until the end of the ceremony. In keeping with Reform’s emphasis on equality, Rabbi Miriam spoke to us about the importance of a woman being uncovered for the wedding ceremony as she is just as equal and should be as present in the room as everyone else. This of course means the traditional badeken doesn’t quite work. I really love this idea and based on this we are doing something a little bit different for our bedeken…(not giving away any secrets though!)

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An alternative-style badeken at Missy & Yoni’s Jewish wedding

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Real Jewish Brides: Being Engaged to Your Fiancà© vs. Being Engaged With Your Fiancà©

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Don’t get me wrong, I love planning our wedding. I happily spend lunch breaks reading Wedding Wire, Smashing The Glass and The Knot for vendor reviews (and searching for the perfect flower girl dress!), but I can’t help but realize there is a huge difference between being engaged to your significant other and being engaged WITH your significant other, which many people (and internet search engines) seem to ignore.

When searching “being engaged with your partner,” one of the first articles that popped up was a lengthy list of things to do after getting engaged featuring steps like “tell your parents,” “get a manicure,” and “perfect your proposal story.” While I admit to fulfilling most of the suggestions on the list, I wish it included topics like know each other’s love language or schedule pre-marital counseling. Maybe this thought process is influenced by my counseling education/background or my fear of divorce, but I think emotional engagement is something that needs to be fostered and protected at all stages of a relationship to avoid taking each other for granted and focusing on the unimportant.

All that being said, here is my advice for being engaged WITH your significant other while planning your wedding:

Continue date nights and non-wedding related activities.

When we first got engaged, all I could talk about was getting married and how great our wedding is going to be. While I still believe it’s going to be the best day ever, it can’t be the only thing Harley and I talk about for 16-month engagement period.

I think it’s extremely important to remember what you love about each other and your relationship by continuing to enjoy one another’s company through date nights and shared hobbies even when your wedding is not the topic. For Harley and I, this means we still cheer for our hockey team at least once a week, tease each other over our Fantasy Hockey League standings, and take advantage of our Disney Annual Passes as often as possible. Even if it’s a busy time and we’re just chatting about our day while cooking dinner, the time we spend together is always important and a nice break from work and wedding planning activities.

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Real Jewish Brides: Fran… My Perfect Groomzilla!

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Disclaimer: I have used the term ‘Bridezilla’ and ‘Groomzilla’ throughout this blog. I as a bride-to-be have chosen to use these terms in a positive and humorous way. The wedding industry has taken these terms and turned them into something negative. I hope that this blog shows that owning the terms and showing the positives of being a bride and groom who know what they want is not something to fear or shy away from.

Last weekend marked one year since Gideon and I got engaged. It is also 5 years since the start of our relationship. A special time for us both and one which has led me to reflect on Gideon’s role in our wedding process and the role of men in weddings in general.

When most people think of men and weddings they see disinterest or allowing the bride to just get on with things. In one Facebook group that I am a member of, future brides are constantly posting about how they feel lonely in the process or that their other halves aren’t really interested in florists or food or themes. However, for me I have the total opposite. I have a groom who wants our wedding to be the most perfect day. He thinks about every small detail and is just as much involved in the wedding process as I am. Of course I am very much the project manager but he makes a remarkable second in command! We are on this continuous journey together and I love that we are learning things about one another as well as supporting and guiding each other.

As I reflect on our wedding planning so far I can see that I am definitely a slight Bridezilla but Gideon is also a slight Groomzilla — we really are the perfect match! In a recent Brides Magazine article ‘5 Signs you are dealing with a Groomzilla’ it talks about this new phenomena sweeping the wedding world. A groom who cares as much, if not more, about creating the perfect wedding for him and his wife to be. I am going to use four of their signs to illustrate why Gideon is not only the perfect Groomzilla but why that makes him the perfect soon to be husband. For some Groomzilla might sound like a nightmare, but teamed with my Bridezilla it’s a match made in heaven, sprinkled with the odd argument and tense moment of course (we are human after all!).

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1. He won’t budge

Gideon has got his ideas and is quite set on them. I too have my ideas and am quite set on them. I tend to think his ideas are wrong unless they completely follow my ideas or merely add to them. However, he is quite the same. This has led to some interesting conversations such as: serving Pizza at the wedding. Gideon loves pizza. I like pizza. Gideon feels his wedding would not be his wedding unless Pizza featured somewhere. Once he learnt he wasn’t really going to be featuring at the Reception part of the wedding he turned down the option of having it then. After further consultation regarding a main course of pizza, and finally deciding that creating the whole table out of pizza was completely unrealistic!? We have settled on some sort of Pizza at the hotel for those guests still hungry. (This is a Jewish wedding after all!) I love that he is so passionate about our wedding and making sure that it is completely ‘us’ as I think most of our guests would agree it couldn’t be a Fran and Gid wedding without Pizza and I am really glad he didn’t give up on the dream and Groomzillad his way to getting it!

Luckily on most other things he has pretty much allowed me to have free reign and if I put up enough of an argument supported by clear evidence (Pinterest photos) explaining why I think it is a good idea and why his isn’t, I on the whole win!Continue ReadingContinue Reading

The Pros and Cons of a Destination Wedding

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Having a destination wedding, just like any other choice in life — has it’s long list of pros and cons. When Alex and I first began the conversation of  where  we’d like to tie the knot, we we’re slightly overwhelmed with the possibilities. The world was ours. Would we travel abroad? Stay within the country? East or West Coast? In the end, only three options really made sense for us: Florida – where my parents live, Arizona – where Alex’s parents live, and Washington, DC – where we’ve built our home together.  

Two weeks after we got engaged, we flew out to Tucson, Arizona to visit his parents, as they threw us a lovely engagement party. At that point in the planning (only two weeks in), Alex and I barely had a grasp of what we wanted from the big day. Since we were already in Arizona, we figured we might as well take advantage of that, and explore some venues. The week prior to our trip, I contacted 5 different venues for fall / winter 2016 availability and pricing. Collecting a little binder of information prior to landing in Arizona. And good thing I did, since the moment we landed, wedding talk seemed to be the only conversational topic.

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Image: Julian Wainwright, taken from Melissa & Ishay’s Jew-ish destination wedding in Thailand

The morning of the engagement party, Alex’s dad drove us around the city to various appointments, narrowed down to 4 at that point. Once we stepped foot on Tubac Golf Resort, we knew we had found something really special. We loved the atmosphere, the ranch-style hotel rooms, the layout of the property, the ballrooms, the heated-covered patios, the gorgeous well kept lawns where we’d potentially hold our ceremony — everything.

For various reasons, Florida and DC were ruled out. So Arizona made the next most sense. And after our tour of Tubac, we felt it was the right place for us. We didn’t give it much more thought than that. I signed the contract that very week we returned home to DC. And then, the rest of the planning, booking, and arranging began!

Planning the wedding from 2,500+ miles away hasn’t been the easiest, I will be the first to say that, and in fact it’s caused a reasonable amount of stress. I wanted to share my pros and cons list with any future brides still deciding, or to any brides that have already settled on a destination wedding for them to relate to.

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Image:  Susan Stripling, taken from Natasha & Jez’s Jewish destination wedding in Cap Ferrat, South of France

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