Smashing the Glass | Jewish Wedding Blog
Inspired Jewish Weddings
Over the last few years there has been a huge renaissance in the rise of feminism, with women pushing for the right to equal pay, equal rights and against every day sexism. In the wedding industry, an industry which revolves predominantly around women, it seems bizarre that there are so many antiquated rules that determine how we create our wedding days.
Over the past year I was asked on a nearly daily basis how ‘my’ wedding plans were going, and very rarely did anyone assume that my husband was involved in the intricacies of the planning process. There were constant references to ‘Lucy’s wedding’ and a general assumption that the big day was higher up on my agenda than his. It is an extraordinary set of circumstances and outdated behaviour that a wedding day seems to belong to the bride, and yet her voice is the only one that we do not hear.
After many years working in publishing and now in television I spend my days talking non-stop, and you’d think that when I leave the office that my ability to talk and talk and talk would diminish, but it never seems to. When Matt and I first met, on a flashing dance floor of a club, he offered to buy me a drink and we spent the next three hours sitting in the corner talking about anything and everything under the sun.
Our first few dates lasted until 2 or 3am, moving from restaurants to bars, watching last orders being called around us while we were lost to the world deep in conversation. We are both chatterboxes, we love regaling our friends with stories, working any problems out by talking them through, having heated debates and are most definitely not known for our shyness. And yet when it came to planning our big day he seemed a little taken aback that I wanted to stand up on stage and say a few words.
Like any woman in her late 30’s, I’ve attended lots of hen parties over the years. At many of them, I’ve watched a friend, surrounded by her close friends and family (and, often, her future mother in law) partake in embarrassing hen party activities. I’ve witnessed sweaty male strippers sitting on the laps of brides-to-be, bewildered future brides eating platefuls of penis pasta…the list goes on…and, honestly, it all makes me cringe a bit. Call me a party pooper, but so many hen parties I’ve attended have felt more like a seedy night out than anything else, an evening where the bride-to-be is coerced somehow into taking on a sexualised role, as are her friends and family.
Often, inherent in the planning process of hen parties is the idea that the bride-to-be should end up at least a little bit intoxicated, or cavorting with a male that is not her future husband. This kind of hen party doesn’t honour the bride to-be for the woman she is. I see the seedy hen party as a wasted opportunity. A hen party can serve an important purpose —it can be a meaningful celebration of your single years — a milestone event that respectfully calls that time in your life to a close as you begin a new chapter. For my hen party, I wanted to gather the women who had been there for me during my single years — friends and family members who had listened to my stories of bad dates and failed relationships, offered advice and support and generally been a positive force. I wanted my hen party to be a chance to pay tribute to my single years and to raise a toast to the women who had been such a part of them.
When planning my party, I couldn’t have predicted that it would turn out to be one of the best nights of my life. I arranged the hen party so it happened just a few days before my wedding, which meant that friends who were flying in from other countries for the wedding could attend the hen party, too. Friends then timed their flights to arrive for my hen party and then just stayed on a few more days for the wedding.
When it comes to Jewish weddings there are a few highly recognisable traditions that many of us look forward to seeing, like, as this blog’s name suggests, the smashing of the glass. However, as any bride well knows, there are a myriad of other customs that a couple may or may not include depending on their preference and level of observance. Most choose to spend their big day with their closest family and friends and in today’s modern world, this typically includes individuals from a diverse set of backgrounds with varying understanding of a Jewish wedding ceremony.
Consequently, the wedding program has become an increasingly important tool as it both enables wedding guests to navigate the marriage ceremony and allows them to feel included by providing the appropriate context. Despite the wedding program’s growing importance, we were surprised to learn firsthand how difficult it can be to write one. For those facing a similar predicament, please read on to hear our tips for putting together a ceremony program perfect for your special day!
Without having a sense for your guest’s familiarity with relevant Jewish traditions it can be difficult to approach the program writing process. For a guest list that includes people who may be attending their first Jewish wedding, we suggest keeping your program more high level and focused on sharing the appropriate context, without being overwhelming. For one that has a largely Jewish audience, you may include less information on the ceremony basics and more time on specific custom details or interpretations. It’s also important to ask yourself how familiar your guests may be with the traditions you choose to incorporate into your ceremony. After all, the non-observant Jewish guest may not be familiar with a highly orthodox ceremony. Similarly, the highly observant may not follow egalitarian interpretations of tradition.
This may go without saying, but before writing your wedding program it’s best to have a clear understanding of what your ceremony will look like. Are you doing a badeken and tisch? Are you inviting all of your guests to your ketubah signing? Will your ceremony be more modern or traditional? A more formal or casual affair? Are you including a flower girl? These are just a handful of examples of things that need to be finalised prior to beginning your program.
As you want to the voice of the program to reiterate the tone of the event overall, it’s important to think about what this is prior to beginning the writing process. A black tie wedding will call for a more formal and restrained voice. In contrast, a more casual ceremony will be amenable to a lighter and playful narrative.
This is a guest post by Aron Schlagman, owner and creative director of WHiTEPAPER event
A friend told me recently that the best part about creating that ‘stand-out moment’ for an event, and especially a wedding, is that it doesn’t have to cost very much at all. In fact, some of the most beautiful moments that are created for weddings are done so by the couple themselves – touching moments of real thought that express love for those attending their most special of days – leaving the longest lasting memories in the process.
So, where do I get me some of that WOW?!
I’m going to share a few top line tips and ideas in the hope that they may spark a flash of light in your own heads to create your own wedding stand out moments.
If you are planing a DIY wedding from the off, the opportunity to WOW might be greater, but so will the potential stress given just how much and how far you can go. For my own wedding, created in a very DIY style for 50 of our closest friends at an outside space in North London, everything had to have a personal touch. From ladies parasols to shade them from the sun to hay bales for seating with vintage throws as covers. Multicoloured water in antique crystal decanters as decor for a cheese table, to the herb used for the wrapping of the napkins. Afternoon tea with a twist through to the vintage 1920’s dress my beautiful bride wore on the day (and of course my yellow Converse). We’re also talking about shawls for the ladies (this was England in June after all and not the South of France) and a great selection of Whiskey’s for the gents.
What was one of the nicest elements though? Possibly the one which didn’t even relate to a design aspect of the day. For us, it was important that all of our friends could be there, and still be home in time to bath and put their kids to bed. Our event began at 3pm, was over by 6.30pm, and we said goodbye to our guests before heading up to town (still dressed up) for dinner at J Sheekey and an evening in a 5* hotel. Our guests appreciated it, stayed until the end, and avoided an expensive evening of babysitters and hangovers.
Some, all, or none of this might have worked had the event been in Claridge’s, but the point is that it might not have had to. A wedding recently attended in this very hotel was simply beautiful because tradition was where the WOW beauty was to be found, in of course, an already stunning space.
