Smashing the Glass | Jewish Wedding Blog

This is a guest post by Jo Bryant, a wedding etiquette specialist

I recently met a newly-wed who was suffering from a common condition: post-wedding-and-honeymoon-blues. In a bid to cheer her up from the onset of dark evenings and the daily grind, we reminisced about her fabulous summer wedding.

We raved about her perfect country barn venue, amazing table of desserts, stunning understated floristry, adorable bridesmaids and comedy first dance, but we also recalled some of the trickier parts of her planning.

None of the disagreements were about the big stuff. In my experience, they rarely are. It seems that the pressures of planning and expectations of everyone involved can blow up over the smallest things.

For my friend, this was a standoff between her and her mother over how to write the guests’ names in the invitations. She wanted the simple option of using first names, but her mother was shocked at such ‘informality’ and was insisting on the Mr & Mrs route. This became one of their biggest cross-generational planning battles…

When it comes to the invitations, writing just ‘Tom and Jo’ (to use me and my husband as the example) is often seen as more suited to many couples’ wishes for a relaxed, informal day. That may be so, but don’t forget that the envelopes need to be written, so you will still have to face a potential minefield of modern forms of address.

Don’t panic! Here are my essential guidelines to help you avoid unnecessary stationery-stress.

Sending a Signal

The first thing to consider is that the invitations offer the guests a first glimpse of the style and tone of the wedding. It makes sense, therefore, that the styling of the guests’ names is in keeping with nature of the wedding.

For a formal wedding with traditionally formal invitations, it may be most appropriate to opt for the ‘Mr & Mrs’ route. Similarly, first names for guests are best suited to invitations for a more casual day — particularly if the couple, rather than their parents, are the hosts.

That’s Just the Half of It

Once the decision of whether to use first names or a formal Mr & Mrs has been decided, there are many other quandaries to face. What goes on the envelope? What about including children? How to manage maiden names, Miss and Ms? Divorcés and widows? Someone may be a ‘Sir’ or a ‘Dr’. Then there is the tricky matter of the plus-ones (and do you even know their names?)…

Being Proper

If you want to stick to tradition, then the guests’ names on the invitation (and envelope) would be formally styled as the following:

Single man:  Mr Tom Bryant
Single woman:  Ms Jo Jones (see below)
Married couple:  Mr and Mrs Tom Bryant
Unmarried couple:  Mr Tom Bryant and Ms Jo Jones

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