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Things to Budget for a Jewish Wedding That You May Have Overlooked

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Chloe and Danny‘s Tuscan Jewish wedding, planned by Michelle! Photo by David Bastianoni

This is a guest post by Michelle Jacobs. The founder of Elegante by Michelle J, Michelle  is a wedding planner with a niche specialisation in luxury destination weddings in Italy for UK and US based Jewish couples. Her mission is to create magical and memorable weddings for her couples, their families and their guests. Michelle has had the privilege of working at numerous Italian venues and has built fantastic relationships and effective collaborations with a whole host of talented and professional Italian wedding vendors. She is passionate about sharing all of her knowledge and experience to create your dream wedding.

One of the most challenging aspects of planning a wedding is budgeting. Figuring out how much you have to spend, breaking it down by category, and then continually monitoring your progress as you book each supplier… it’s a lot to think about!

But all that hard work can only go so far if you forget to include certain key items in your budget from the beginning. It’s like anything in life – you have to start with good foundations, otherwise it can all come tumbling down.

So, here are some examples for you of items that I commonly see omitted from an original budget document.

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Jasmin and Brett‘s Osea Island UK Jewish wedding, planned by Michelle! Photo by Claudine Hartzel

Ceremony Costs

Couples – when costing out their wedding – often look at the wedding reception costs only and forget about the main event!!  After all, your guests are joining you to witness your marriage.  Everything that follows is simply a celebration of this, and your marriage ceremony does come with its own costs.  These can include:

  • Synagogue membership fees (often a stipulation if the rabbi at your family Synagogue is marrying you)
  • Fees charged by the rabbi
  • Chazan, musicians and/orchoir
  • Sound system for the ceremony – not always available at the synagogue so if you are having musicians at your ceremony you might need to hire in a PA system.
  • Chuppah hire as well as the chuppah flowers
  • Any other ceremony decoration
  • Kippot and order or service booklets (if applicable or required)
  • Transport from the ceremony to the wedding reception (if you decide to provide this for your guests)
  • Chair hire and set up (eg for an outdoor ceremony at your wedding venue)
  • The cost of your civil wedding, which you will require in addition to your Jewish wedding 

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Paige and Richard‘s Jewish wedding at the Great Synagogue of Florence, planned by Michelle! Photo by David Bastianoni

Catering

Your caterer might have sent you an initial set of sample menus with per person pricing, but have they included:

  • Furniture hire if not available at your venue (ie tables and chairs) and do they charge extra to set these up for you
  • Linen upgrades (perhaps their per person cost includes for basic white linen and you would like to introduce more of a luxury feel or colour)
  • Tableware and glassware upgrades
  • Kitchen set up costs (if you are using a dry hire venue with no catering kitchen)
  • Transport costs for their team (if you are using a venue which is not local to their base)
  • “Crew meals” -you are not expected to pay to feed the caterers staff,  but you will need to pay to feed all of your other suppliers including your band, your photographers and videographers, your wedding planners etc.  Usually caterers will charge a reduced fee for a simpler meal, although you should expect to provide a hot meal as it is always a long day for the supplier team and a decent meal is considered essential.

Michelle helped Emma and Pete plan a Mary Poppins-themed wedding – talk about a Jewish wedding that’s totally them! Photo by Claudine Hartzel

Venue

Do make sure you check your venue hire contract carefully.  In particular you need to consider:

  • What time are your suppliers allowed access,and if earlier access will be required is this possible and will they charge extra for it
  • Likewise the breakdown and de-rig at the end;how long do they allow for this,  is it a sufficient amount of time and if not, will there be an extra fee for a later finish
  • What time must your wedding end; can you extend for a fee?And if so, how much?
  • Which spaces are included?Does this include for all of your requirements including a green room for the band and other suppliers (ie photographers and videographers), a room for your Tisch, a room for your Bedeken?  Is there any extra charge for additional rooms?

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Stephanie and Dan‘s Jewish wedding in Tuscany, planned by Michelle! Photo by David Bastianoni

Flowers

A florist might provide you with a ball-park cost for decorating your Chuppah and for your table centrepieces, but does the fee include:

  • Delivery and set up
  • Returning at the end to collect the vases, candelabras, tea light holders etc and break down the chuppah
  • Breakages of vases, tea light holders etc

Claudia & James, Royal Myconian Hotel, Mykonos, Greece

Claudia and James‘s Jewish wedding in Mykonos, planned by Michelle! Photo by Anna Roussos

Entertainment and Production

You have decided on a band and agreed a fee with them.  But I am afraid that is not all.  Their fee may or may not include their sound system, but it definitely won’t include:

  • Stage
  • Dance floor
  • Lighting

If you book a large showband they will have certain requirements regarding their stage and lighting so do make sure you talk to them about these things sooner rather than later and build them into your budget.

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Top Jewish Wedding Planning Tips

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Jasmine & Brett’s wedding featured on Smashing the Glass | Photo by Claudine Hartzel

So you’re planning a Jewish wedding – mazal tov! Wedding planning is exciting, no question, but it can also be seriously overwhelming. There’s so much to learn, so much information to sort through and, in many cases, so many opinions to contend with. 

But having the right tools goes a long way! And that’s why we tapped into our fabulous network of wedding planners to share their top tips for a smooth wedding planning journey. Read on for some essential Jewish wedding wisdom!

Charlotte from La Fete says

Make sure that you are really clear with your parents from the start on their involvement in your big day. Are they expecting certain things – do you have any non-negotiables? The clearer you are earlier on, the easier and smoother the whole process will be. 

Rebecca & Emmanuel, Villa Luisa, Seville, Spain

Rebecca & Emmanuel‘s wedding featured on Smashing The Glass | Photo by Juan Luis Morilla

 Michelle from Elegante by Michelle J says

We are very fortunate that the Jewish marriage ceremony is very poignant and meaningful;  so my advice to all of my couples is to make it especially so,  the highlight of your wedding day. It’s all too easy to get caught up with the dinner florals, the entertainment, the food and of course they are important (and as a wedding planner I also love to get caught up in all of these details). But everyone is gathering together to witness the two of you entering into the commitment of marriage. So this should be considered “the main event”. Everything else that follows is a celebration of the beautiful wedding that your guests have had the privilege of witnessing.

Chloe & Danny‘s wedding featured on Smashing The Glass | Photo by David Bastianoni

Yana Andreev from Craspedia Events says

Create an email account that will be designated for wedding things only. That way you’ll have all the corespondence in one convinient location, you both have access to and it won’t mix with work and personal stuff. 

Jewish wedding Bayaar, Hadera, Israel

Shelly & Harel‘s wedding featured on Smashing The Glass | Photo by Noa Magger

Luba from Primavera Dreams says

My #1 tip for a destination Jewish wedding: Make sure that your planner knows the traditions, understand the particularity of a Jewish wedding and can actively help to source what may be needed (from chuppah and rabbi to challah, to kosher food and wine, etc. if needed). Or it may cost you a lot of money and stress.

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Rita & Daniel‘s wedding featured on Smashing the Glass | Photo by Tatiana Blanco Photography 

Dyana from Dyana Dessar says

Do remember why you are getting married, because you love each other!  it is not a military manoeuvre and whilst it is important to have a good timeline don’t sweat the small stuff, stop take a moment and take the day in as it will be over all too soon, and to make sure it all runs smoothly employ a professional wedding planner! 


Jolanda & Jack‘s wedding featured on Smashing the Glass | Photo by The Love Hunters

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The Ultimate Guide to Planning a Destination Wedding in Israel

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Laura and Elad‘s Jewish wedding in Tel Aviv | Photo by Ronen Boidek

Some of my very favorite Smashing The Glass real weddings have taken place in Israel. I always dreamed of getting married there myself, and even though in the end we decided to get married in our hometown so that my husband’s 97-year-old grandmother could be at the center of our celebration, I love living vicariously through all our gorgeous Israel brides.

In addition to being such a meaningful place to hold a Jewish wedding, Israel also happens to be pretty unbeatable when it comes to sunny weather, unbeatable food, great views – from lush green forests to pristine beaches, vast deserts to stunning mountain – and the best parties I’ve ever been to. Just check out our real Israeli weddings section if you need any more proof!

Photo by Valeri Prochin

The downside? It can be more than a little overwhelming to plan a wedding long distance, in a country whose language you might not even speak, and with somewhat different cultural norms than the US or UK. There’s also some tricky bureaucracy to contend with. But never fear! I sat down with Gev Rotem of Bebke, one of the very best Israeli destination wedding planners around, to demystify the process of planning the Israeli destination wedding of your dreams, one step at a time.

Bebke are known for planning some of the most creative, vibrant Israeli destination weddings around – you can see some we’ve featured on Smashing The Glass here – and there’s no one I trust more than Gev to be on top of all the up-to-the-minute ins and outs of crafting your perfect wedding in Israel from abroad. 

Photo by Moran Mayan

How Do You Find Vendors?

It can be really daunting trying to find vendors overseas, especially when there are language/cultural barriers, although most Israelis do speak good English. When you’re less familiar with the landscape, it can also be trickier to make sure you end up with a trustworthy team you can depend on to bring your wedding dreams to life. 

Recommendations from friends and family can certainly be helpful, but we also have a handy list of Israeli Recommended Vendors, carefully vetted to get you started, and, again, our past Israeli real weddings come with a vendor list at the end of each post, so if you see something you like, you can get in touch.

Even better is working with a trusted planner like Gev, who can not only source fantastic vendors you can trust who’ll be the perfect fit for your version, but will also make sure you get the best rates possible. 

Photo by Jen Sladkov

How About a Venue?

When it comes to nailing down that perfect venue, Gev shared some great insights – including one reason for working with a planner that you may not have considered: “There are lots of great villas and private properties open to hiring themselves out for weddings, but the problem with these tends to be that after a couple of events, their neighbors start complaining and they end up needing to shut down. For this reason, we hold lots of weddings at one-off locations where we can fly under the radar – and we have a team constantly looking for new options.”

Photo by Jen Sladkov

While there are also plenty of gorgeous established venues in Israel, Gev notes that your typical Israeli venue holds an average of 250(!) events per year – which means they tend to offer only set packages geared toward Israelis, leading to cookie-cutter events  which may not be quite in line with what couples from abroad are looking for. These venues often aren’t open to the kinds of bespoke touches those of us coming from the US and UK might want to include to craft a wedding that truly reflects them as a couple. 

Laura and Elad‘s Jewish wedding in Tel Aviv | Photo by Ronen Boidek

What Kinds of Unique Venues Can I Find in Israel?

Gev loves to help connect his couples with unique, only-in-Israel venues like olive and pecan groves, open fields, glamorous villas, old houses in Jaffa or ancient structures in Jerusalem, and locations amidst atmospheric archeological ruins. Israel’s got so many fabulous spots so full of character that are unlike anything you’d find at home, and Gev strongly believes that if you decide to get married there you should take advantage, rather than try to find a venue that imitates a New York club or an English garden.

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Mazel Pup! Involving Your Dog in Your Jewish Wedding

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Jacqui and James‘ Jewish wedding with dogs | Photo by Sarah Diller

This is a guest post by Rabbi Robyn Frisch, Director of the Rukin Rabbinic Fellowship for 18Doors and founder of the Mazel Pups Facebook Group. Rabbi Robyn loves dogs just as much as she loves Jewish (and Jew-is) weddings – and having officiated at many over the past 20+ years, she’s seen it all and is channeling her wisdom into some great tips about involving your furry best friend in your big day.

“Will there be a ring bearer?” I asked the wedding couple, after they informed me that the bride’s four-year-old niece was going to be the flower girl. This was 22 years ago. I was a newly ordained rabbi, and it was one of the first weddings I officiated. The couple was planning a small, intimate ceremony in the groom’s parents’ back yard.

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Rachel and Aaron‘s dog-friendly Jewish wedding | Photo by Hello Blue Photo

They told me that yes, there would be a ring bearer: their Yorkshire Terrier. He’d walk down the aisle by himself with plastic rings tied onto a bow around his collar. The best man would be holding the couple’s actual wedding rings. “How bizarre!” I thought to myself. In the handful of weddings that I’d officiated, a couple of them had ring bearers – but they were HUMAN ring bearers – all little boys under the age of five. As I imagined a dog – even a cute, well-trained little Yorkie – in the ceremony, a list of all of the things that could possibly go wrong ran through my head.

Jacqui and James‘ Jewish wedding with dogs | Photo by Sarah Diller

But the couple insisted that their dog be the ringbearer, and so he was. And I’m happy to report that the dog did a great job. He walked down the aisle on his own – stopping briefly once or twice to sniff the grass and look at the guests – and when he met the groom at the Chuppah (wedding canopy) he was rewarded with a scratch behind his ears and a Milk Bone treat subtly removed from the groom’s pocket.

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Wendy and Nagesh‘s Jewish wedding – with their dog | Photo by Laurie Bailey 

For many years after that wedding, I didn’t see or hear much about dogs being part of weddings. But in recent years, many couples I’ve married have dogs who aren’t just incredibly important parts of their lives, but who’ve also played roles in proposals; engagement and wedding photos; and wedding ceremonies.

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Sara and Greg‘s Jewish wedding, with pup Bruce | Photo by Hilary Katzen 

PROPOSALS

For some couples I’ve worked with, the dog’s involvement starts with their engagement. For example, Sydney and Andrew already had rescued their dog Jasper together, and Sydney felt that Jasper was ready for a sibling. Her hints to Andrew weren’t so subtle: Sydney started sending Andrew pictures of other dogs they could rescue. She had no idea that Andrew was already in the process of looking for another dog to add to their family – and that he was planning for that dog to be a central part of his proposal.

Samantha and Scott‘s Jewish wedding, with furry friends on the guest list | Photo by Starfish Studios 

One day, Andrew came home holding roses – and a dog! Sydney was so excited about their new dog Pippa that it took her awhile to notice that Pippa was wearing a tag that said “Will you marry me?” Ultimately, Sydney did see the tag, and ended up that day with both a new dog in the family and the love of her life as her fiance.

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Rachel and Aaron‘s dog-friendly Jewish wedding | Photo by Hello Blue Photo

ENGAGEMENT PHOTOS

Many couples choose to have their dogs in their engagement photos. While they’ll of course take plenty of photos with just the two of them, they’ll also have a bunch of photos with their dog, or dogs. Just like engagement photos in general, sometimes the photos with the dogs are taken at the couple’s home, sometimes they’re taken at a photographer’s studio, and sometimes they’re taken outside. Often the photos with the dogs are taken first, and then someone who the dogs are comfortable with – a relative, groomer, walker, or someone else the dog knows well – takes the dog so the couple and photographer can be alone to take the rest of the photos.

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Smashing The Glass’s Online Jewish Wedding Planning Party is TODAY!

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Ever wondered what Smashing The Glass’ Brides Club, my members-only community where we minimize wedstress and overwhelm, and maximize your wedding budget with discounts and more, is like?

STG Brides Club is THE place to be for Jewish and Jew-ish brides-to-be, and now you can experience all the guidance, expertise, sense of community, fun, and free gifts we have in there, for yourself, at our free online Jewish Wedding Planning Party happening later today!

There’ll be music, dancing, and presents, and I’m a million percent confident you’ll walk away knowing exactly what you need to do to ensure you have the wedding of your dreams (whatever that dream looks like) — and the wedding you really want (whilst keeping everyone around you happy).

I can’t wait to show you EXACTLY how!Continue ReadingContinue Reading