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Home > Wedding Planning

Family Drama During Jewish Wedding Planning? 5 Common Scenarios and How to Deal With Them

26/06/2024 by Karen Cinnamon

Claudia & James, Royal Myconian Hotel, Mykonos, Greece

Claudia and James‘s Jewish wedding in Mykonos, planned by Michelle! Photo by Anna Roussos

This is a guest post by Michelle Jacobs. The founder of Elegante by Michelle J, Michelle  is a wedding planner with a niche specialisation in luxury destination weddings in Europe  for UK and US based Jewish couples. Her mission is to create magical and memorable weddings for her couples, their families and their guests. Michelle has had the privilege of working at numerous European venues and has built fantastic relationships and effective collaborations with a whole host of talented and professional wedding vendors. She is passionate about sharing all of her knowledge and experience to create your dream wedding.


Working towards a wedding of any kind has its stressors, but when planning a Jewish wedding it is common for one or both sets of parents to be heavily involved – a practice I have affectionately called ‘planning by committee’. While this has a lot of positives, from time to time we do come across difficult situations – family politics and differing viewpoints can cause ‘family drama’ during wedding planning. Part of my job as a wedding planner is to help my couples navigate these scenarios, and this blog is to give you some (hopefully!) sage advice based on my experience.

Daniella and Adam‘s Jewish wedding at the Wallace Collection in London, planned by Michelle! Photo by Paul Santos

Below I outline 5 common scenarios and how I advise you best deal with them, but first I want to give you some general advice. Within the wedding industry there is a lot of talk about ‘doing your wedding, your way’, often with the implication that this should be absolute and at all costs. However, I recommend that you remain pragmatic and understand the bigger picture. Sometimes this means compromising on an issue where parents may be advocating strongly for something that differs to your vision, which may give you leverage to get your way on other issues.

Negotiation is key, particularly in situations where parents are paying all or the lion’s share of the bill. If you are paying for your wedding yourselves, you generally have more autonomy and say over the details – with all due respect to your parents, of course.

Jewish wedding Great Synagogue of Florence and Villa di Maiano, Florence, Italy_0013

Paige and Richard‘s Jewish wedding at the Great Synagogue of Florence, planned by Michelle! Photo by David Bastianoni

Guest Lists

The seemingly simple question of who to invite can be a source of family drama during wedding planning. Something I see often is that couples want a more intimate wedding with a guest list of people they know and who have meaning to them, and their parents would like to invite an extensive list of extended family, their own friends, acquaintances and business associates. In reality, the first thing to remember is that your venue will likely dictate the capacity for your wedding anyway – helpful to keep in mind when faced with this predicament!

At weddings for which parents are paying and use this as a reason to insist on inviting their own guests, we urge couples to have a gentle but honest conversation with them. You can say something along the lines of: ‘We really only want people at our wedding who we know, and who mean something to us. Can we respectfully request of you that we leave anyone we don’t know or doesn’t play a part in our lives off the list?’.

It can also help to suggest organising a separate event in the weeks leading up to the wedding, to which your parents can invite and entertain anyone they like. This might help with their feelings of obligation and inclusion, and keep all parties happy!

Daniella and Adam‘s Jewish wedding at the Wallace Collection in London, planned by Michelle! Photo by Paul Santos

Kosher Catering

I talk a lot with my couples about the question of whether or not their wedding catering should (or has to be) kosher. We start with a couple of thinking points: Do you personally want kosher food, and how important is it to you? Will any of your guests be offended if the catering is not kosher? Finally, will your rabbi insist on it being kosher?

If you would prefer not to have kosher catering but your parents are insisting on it, this can be a source of family drama. I advise you to carefully consider how important an issue this might be to anyone you are very close to, and whether you can accommodate anyone who may be offended by providing separate, sealed kosher meals for them. Explain rationally to your parents why you don’t want it, and consider making a compromise such as a ‘kosher friendly’ or ‘non offensive menu’ – fish and vegetarian, no ham or shellfish and so on.

I go into a great deal more detail about this issue in a blog focused on destination wedding kosher catering.

destination-Jewish-wedding-at-Villa-Oliva-Lucca-Tuscany-Italy

Stephanie and Dan‘s Jewish wedding in Tuscany, planned by Michelle! Photo by David Bastianoni

Budget 

One thing that has always and will always be a potential bone of contention during wedding planning is budget. My headline piece of advice here is to be prepared to have open, clear and up-front conversations so there is no confusion.

There is often much negotiation about who is contributing what, and apprehension about approaching parents to find out. Often when I first speak with my couples they don’t have a clear idea of their budget because they haven’t yet had The Chat with both sides of the family. You really just have to bite the bullet and have an open conversation about your vision, and who is paying what.

Natasha-and-Marc-Villa-Orlando-Torre-del-Lago-in-Tuscany-Italy

Natasha and Marc‘s Tuscan Jewish wedding, planned by Michelle! Photo by James Mason 

You also need to consider whether your vision matches your budget. I help my couples with this by giving examples of what we can achieve at different price points, to manage expectations and provide a realistic starting point.

I have also come across weddings in the past where one set of parents would like to pay for certain things, for example the flowers, and say that they will therefore organise these separately. While this sounds like a lovely idea that saves you some planning energy, I strongly advise not letting this happen. It only results in an unclear plan for your wedding, an element of the day your wedding planner has no oversight on, and a disparate finished product. Everything should be planned cohesively, and we find other ways of allowing parents to pay for different elements – a disparate approach doesn’t work in 2024!

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Love Knows No Boundaries: Navigating Interfaith Jewish Wedding Celebrations

19/06/2024 by Karen Cinnamon

Styled by La Fête |Photo by Divine Day Photography

This is a guest post by Charlotte Ricard-Quesada, Founder & Creative Director of La Fête. She is passionate about helping her couples craft meaningful Jewish and interfaith Jewish weddings in the UK, Italy, France, Spain, and beyond. Today she’s channeling her wisdom into some great tips about how to plan a beautiful celebration that honors both of your backgrounds. Even if you and your partner are both Jewish, if you come from different cultural or international backgrounds lots of these tips will be relevant – so read on!


Love is a universal language, transcending borders, cultures, and religions. In an increasingly interconnected world, interfaith marriages are becoming more common, celebrating the beauty of diversity and the unity of love. While navigating these celebrations can be intricate, the result is a unique and deeply meaningful ceremony that honours both partners’ backgrounds. Here, we explore how to plan and execute an interfaith Jewish wedding that respects and celebrates the traditions of both partners.

Susie-Axel-Pavillon-Dauphine-Paris-France

Susie and Axel’s Jewish wedding, planned by La Fête |Photo by Dream Prod

Embracing Dual Heritage

The key to a successful celebration lies in understanding and respecting both traditions. This journey begins with open and honest conversations between the couple and their families. Discussing each person’s expectations, non-negotiables, and the elements they hold dear ensures that both faiths are represented and honoured. In many scenarios that I have dealt with, couples and families need to be as clear as possible from the start about their way of living their religion, and the rituals or traditions that are important for each one. Some families have a more paired-back vision of religious practice and this needs to be considered, without affecting the other party.

Rebecca & Emmanuel, Villa Luisa, Seville, Spain

Rebecca and Emmanuel’s Jewish wedding, planned by La Fête |Photo by Juan Luis Morilla

Finding Common Ground

The beauty of any wedding lies in finding common ground and creating a ceremony that reflects the couple’s unique love story. Start by identifying shared values and themes that resonate with both traditions. For example, the importance of family, love, and community are universal concepts that can be beautifully woven into the wedding ceremony.

Rebecca & Emmanuel, Villa Luisa, Seville, Spain

Rebecca and Emmanuel’s Jewish wedding, planned by La Fête |Photo by Juan Luis Morilla

Seeking Guidance

Consulting with clergy from both faiths can provide invaluable insights and help in blending the ceremonies seamlessly. Many rabbis and religious leaders have experience with interfaith weddings and can offer guidance on how to incorporate elements from both traditions respectfully. This collaborative approach not only enriches the ceremony but also provides a deeper understanding of each other’s faiths. Many times, when it has been interfaith weddings, I have had a rabbi and priest, or a rabbi and a vicar for example creating this beautifully unique ceremony.

Rebecca & Emmanuel, Villa Luisa, Seville, Spain

Rebecca and Emmanuel’s Jewish wedding, planned by La Fête |Photo by Juan Luis Morilla

The Chuppah

A central element in a Jewish wedding, the chuppah represents the couple’s future home, open to guests and family. Including a chuppah in an interfaith ceremony is a beautiful way to honour Jewish tradition. Personalise the chuppah with meaningful decorations, such as family heirlooms or symbols from both faiths, to represent the union of two cultures.

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Everything You Need to Know about Jewish Genetic Carrier Screening {Instagram Live Recap with JScreen}

23/02/2023 by Karen Cinnamon

 

 
 
 
 
 
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A post shared by Jewish Wedding Inspiration + Advice | By Karen Cinnamon (@smashingtheglass)

I’m delighted to share with you my latest Instagram Live, all about an essential topic for anyone thinking of starting a family in the next few years: genetic carrier screening. While genetic screening certainly isn’t as much fun as, say, cake tasting, if you’re planning on having biological children it should absolutely be on your wedding planning to-do list. 

On this Live, I spoke with Emily Goldberg, a genetic counselor at JScreen, a US-based not-for-profit at-home education and carrier screening program for Jewish genetic diseases.

I’ve been fortunate to speak with  Emily and some of her JScreen colleagues several times over the past few years about what JScreen does, how genetic carrier screening works, and what it all means for Jewish and Jew-ish couples. And now that we’re deep into engagement season ’23, we wanted to make sure all the newly engaged couples are able to benefit from her knowledge.

What is genetic carrier screening?

Emily began by explaining what exactly genetic carrier screening is – and what it’s not. First, it’s not a diagnostic test. JScreen’s reproductive panel won’t tell you if you yourself are at high risk of developing various diseases. Rather, JScreen’s testing lets people know if they are healthy carriers of genetic diseases who have mutations that they could potentially pass on to their future children.

Who should get screened?

The short answer: everyone planning on having biological children! While genetic screening is sometimes thought of as being relevant only to Ashkenazi Jews, the truth is that anyone, regardless of background, can be a carrier of one or more genetic diseases (and even as far as Jewish genetic diseases go, plenty affect Sephardi and Mizrahi populations). JScreen‘s pan-ethnic panel tests for all kinds of genetic diseases, not just those common among Jews – so it’s absolutely smart to get screened even if one or both of you are not ethnically Jewish.

Your parents may have done testing themselves, but even if that’s the case it’s still important to do it yourself before starting a family. So many more diseases are testable today than even five years ago – even if you yourself were screened a number of years ago, it’s worth considering retesting with JScreen. You can always look at the list of all the diseases they currently screen for and compare it to what you’ve already been screened for.

What is the ideal time to get tested?

Any time before pregnancy is a great time to test – whether it’s as a single person, while dating, during your engagement, or after the wedding. While the Orthodox community tends to get screened before dating or before engagement, secular Jews are more likely to wait until after engagement or marriage – whatever works for you! Emily noted that if you haven’t already, it’s worth getting screened before a subsequent pregnancy even if you’ve already had a healthy baby.

Who does JScreen work with?

JScreen provides testing in the United States. If you’re in the UK, Jnetics is a great option for screening. For the rest of the world, check out findageneticcounselor.com.

How does JScreen’s testing process work?

JScreen strives to make screening as easy as possible. And they’ve done a great job making the process painless: you just need to go to jscreen.org, register (it only takes a few minutes), and request a saliva testing kit, which will be mailed to your home. Then, once it arrives, you spit into a tube, mail it back (with prepaid postage), and wait a few weeks to receive your results. Results are delivered by phone or video chat from a genetic counselor, who will make sure you understand what they mean, and, if you’re a carrier for something, what your options for next steps might be.

How much does it cost to get tested with JScreen?

Genetic screening can be expensive, JScreen is committed to ensuring that cost doesn’t have to be a barrier for any couple. Thanks to donors and philanthropists, JScreen is able to offer testing for an out-of-pocket cost of $149 (with financial aid options available), regardless of insurance coverage. This is a truly incredible price, given that testing through other channels can cost upward of $1000. Plus, as a Smashing The Glass reader you can use the code “Smashing23” to receive a $100 discount (so the test will cost $49 instead of $149).

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BIG NEWS: Announcing Smashing The Glass’s FREE unmissable event for Jewish + Jew-ish brides this Sunday Feb 19!

14/02/2023 by Karen

If you’re planning a Jewish or Jew-ish wedding, I’ve got some really exciting news for you! Yes — for the first time in two years  I’m running a FREE online event where I’ll share the seven secrets to an unforgettable Jewish wedding this Sunday February 19!

During this interactive session, you’ll learn:

  • The one ingredient every memorable wedding must have
  • How to easily create a meaningful and inclusive ceremony
  • How to nail your guest list
  • How to maximize your wedding budget (whether it’s $ or $$$$$)
  • Plus, I’ll be around to answer your questions and offer support

Whether you’re planning a small budget wedding, a big super luxe party, or a destination dream , I’m excited to help you get plan your Jewish wedding your way.

Date: Sunday, February 19th, 2023 at 12 p.m. PT / 3 p.m. ET / 8 p.m UK

CLICK HERE TO RESERVE YOUR PLACE AND GET A REMINDER

Can’t wait to see you there!

Karen Cinnamon Smashing The Glass_1224 During Bootcamp, I’ll be showing you exactly how to:

♥ Deal with any awkward family members

♥ Come up with creative wedding ideas for an unforgettable, one-of-a-kind wedding

♥ Maximize your wedding budge

♥ Nail your guest list

♥ Have a unique, modern ceremony with all the Jewish wedding traditions 

♥ Find your perfect venue, and your ideal wedding vendors

♥ Make non-Jewish guests and family members feel included

And I’ll be answering every single one of your questions (however big or small!)

During Jewish Wedding Bootcamp, I’ll be answering all of these questions and more – and most importantly, I’ll be ready and waiting to help you out with every single one of your own wedding planning questions, no matter how big or small.

(And by the way you’ll benefit from Jewish Wedding Planning Bootcamp whether you’re using a planner or not — this is an absolute must-attend for every Jewish / Jew-ish bride-to-be!)

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Top Three Israeli Destination Weddings Guaranteed NOT to Be Like Everyone Else’s {with Premium Events Israel}

16/11/2022 by Karen Cinnamon

Photo by LUZ

There are so many things I love about an Israeli destination wedding. There’s no place more spiritually significant – and that’s before we even get into the fact that Israel is a totally stunning country, with a remarkably varied landscape given its small size. Plus, there’s no party like an Israeli party!

Photo by Adi Cohen Zedek

Here at Smashing The Glass, we’re fortunate to blog lots and lots of gorgeous destination weddings in Israel. According to our very scientific data, the most popular spot for couples from abroad making it official in Israel is a beachside location – in Tel Aviv or Caesarea – and for good reason!

Photo by LUZ

But if you’re thinking of getting married in Israel and looking for something a little more unique – but just as stunning – we’ve got you! The country’s got so much variety to offer when it comes to choosing a venue for your destination wedding – and we sat down to chat with Adi Sharfi, founder of luxury event planning company Premium Events Israel, to chat about some of her favorite ideas that are just a little bit different.

Photo by Perry Easy

With over 15 years of experience, Adi and her team at Premium Events Israel specialize in working with their clients to craft unique bespoke experiences your family and friends will remember for years to come (she’s got some truly incredible secret venues up her sleeve!), and we’re so thrilled to hear her three favorite Israeli destination wedding concepts – plus top tips on how to make them truly unforgettable.


Photo by LUZ

Israeli Desert Weddings

The Mediterranean coast may draw more attention, but Israel’s deserts are just as stunning. There’s something about the stark beauty of a desert landscape that hits different – and no landscape evokes the stories of the Torah quite like it.

Photo by Perry Easy

Photo by Perry Easy

Photo by Perry Easy

Between the Negev, the Judean Desert, the Dead Sea region, and the Eilat mountain range, there are lots of exquisite desert spots to choose from.

Photo by Adi Cohen Zedek

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