Smashing the Glass | Jewish Wedding Blog

Inspired Jewish Weddings

Home > egalitarian Jewish ceremony > Page 4

Have You Considered an Equality-Minded Jewish Wedding?

by

Equality Jewish Wedding
This is a guest post by Jessica Haselton (above) whose wedding we featured on Smashing The Glass last month

Modern weddings are largely concentrated on the bride. From before the wedding begins to the end of the reception, the bride is principally the focus of our attention. What is her dress like? How will she do her hair? Her makeup?

We’ve so come to accept the bride as the focal point of the wedding, it’s likely never occurred to us – those in attendance, and many of us planning weddings ourselves – that the traditional Jewish wedding ceremony is by and large centered around the groom. 

Now, this isn’t to say brides don’t play an integral role. It is that, historically and traditionally, the responsibilities in the wedding ceremony lay with the groom. The traditional Jewish wedding ceremony doesn’t provide the bride with a speaking role. Only the groom takes a vow under the chuppah and places a ring on his betrothed.

But the good news is that there are ways to incorporate more balance and equality into the Jewish wedding ceremony without foregoing any of its timeless and oft-beautiful traditions. If you’re interested in a more equality-driven wedding, I’ve put together a list of five ways to incorporate egalitarianism into your ceremony and elevate your big day!

Equality Ketubah
A cattle-free ketubah

Let’s start with the Jewish marriage contract, the ketubah. Even before you get to the chuppah, you begin laying the foundation of your marriage through your marriage contract. Not all ketubahs are the same – the Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, Interfaith, Humanistic, Same-Sex texts, and many others, differ widely from one another. For this reason, it is important to take the time to select a text that is representative of you and your partner’s values (and if you need help with ketubah texts, you could contact one of these STG-recommended ketubah designers).

Traditionally, ketubahs are written in Aramaic, and many today still are. I’d like to think mine served as a detailed account of how much cattle my father was willing to fork over in exchange for my hand. Okay, obviously that’s not what my ketubah said. While the ketubah is mostly ‘legalese’, it does codify the commitment the couple is making, and details the rights of the bride and responsibilities of the groom. Unless you were an expert in your Hebrew School’s 6th grade Aramaic class, you should ask to see an English translation of your ketubah so that you know exactly what you’re signing up for.Continue ReadingContinue Reading

Bringing the countryside to the city – a rustic Jewish wedding with a Phillipa Lepley bride at St Pancras Hotel, London, UK

by

rustic-Jewish-wedding-with-a-Phillipa-Lepley-bride-at-St-Pancras-Hotel,-London,-UK
If it’s impractical to have a countryside wedding, there’s one clear solution: bring the countryside to the city – and that’s exactly what rustic-loving couple, Miranda and Gabriel, decided to do. 

Their beautiful wedding incorporated elements of farmhouse chic, including doodled dress codes (what a fantastic idea) a multitude of painstakingly collected jam jars, and loose, tumbling floral arrangements – oh, and a Chuppah (designed by the amazing Blue Sky Flowers)  to stop you in your tracks. Have you ever seen such a thing of beauty? We are in LOVE! 

All of this was lovingly captured by our beloved Recommended Vendor, Ria Mishaal, whose work has graced the pages of STG many times before. 

In fact, it was one of her past real weddings, Claudia & Ed, who inspired much of the cast of Miranda and Gabriel’s big day. Miranda actually attended that wedding as a guest, and when she later saw the feature on STG, she knew that she couldn’t go wrong by contacting a few of their vendors!

Miranda and Gabriel ended up using Claudia and Ed’s photographer, planner AND florist, and were delighted with their choices.

There’s so much more to talk about, including the bride’s beautiful Philippa Lepley gown, the couple’s egalitarian ceremony and speeches and the simplification of bridesmaid politics, so we’ll hand over to Miranda to tell you all about it! 

Jewish Wedding Hackney Hall St Pancras Renaissance London Hotel UK_0031 Jewish Wedding Hackney Hall St Pancras Renaissance London Hotel UK_0281 Jewish Wedding Hackney Hall St Pancras Renaissance London Hotel UK_0274 Jewish Wedding Hackney Hall St Pancras Renaissance London Hotel UK_0527 Jewish Wedding Hackney Hall St Pancras Renaissance London Hotel UK_0723
How we met

Miranda, the bride: I’m a teacher and Gabriel is a doctor. We met through a fix up – his brother and my sister were friends from university, and my sister passed on my number to Gabriel at a dinner party.

Then, after an awkward phone call, and some unsuccessful attempts at Facebook stalking on my part, we went on a completely blind date (all I had to go on was my sister’s description – “he is extremely tall with large hair”) to the extremely romantic (!) Cottons Rum Shack in Chalk Farm. We met at eight and stayed out until 2am, talking and laughing – it just went from there!

Continue ReadingContinue Reading

A black-tie-meets-rustic Masorti Jewish Wedding at Manor by the Lake, Cheltenham, UK

by

Jewish-Wedding-at-Manor-by-the-Lake,-Cheltenham,-UK
Tissues at the ready, folks, because if you don’t well up within the first 30 seconds of Sam and Jonny’s stunning wedding video (just below) then you’re made of stone!

Sam and Jonny met on the job as lawyers, and their meeting of minds blossomed into true love.  Together, they planned every detail of their black-tie-meets-rustic wedding, and ensured every element, from the Masorti ceremony, where the couple circled each other and smashed the glass together, to the bride’s speech, and even this write up, was completely equality driven.

The moving celebration was captured on film by Velvet Wedding Studio, and in beautiful stills by our much-loved STG Recommended Vendor, Blake Ezra – and what a stunning job they both did. 

Sensational bride, Sam, looked every bit the A lister in her show-stopping Louise Marie gown – and she did an astounding job with her own makeup. What a beauty! 

Sam and Jonny did a beautiful job describing their big day in detail, so we’ll pass you over to them now (note how well they talk about each other’s big day experience – a masterclass in marital listening).

Jewish Wedding Manor by the Lake Hatherley Lane Cheltenham UK_02565 Jewish Wedding Manor by the Lake Hatherley Lane Cheltenham UK_067943 Jewish Wedding Manor by the Lake Hatherley Lane Cheltenham UK_042514
How we met

Sam, the bride, and Jonny, the groom: Jonny and Sam first met briefly at a law firm, on a law summer placement scheme in 2009 (whilst actually competing for a job!). Jonny and Sam then became close friends whilst attending law school in London, but it wasn’t until they worked at the same firm, when they became more than just friends.

Jonny and Sam got engaged in April 2014. Jonny proposed in a photo booth, and the couple plans to return to the same photo booth annually to capture each year of marriage.

Continue ReadingContinue Reading

A Reform Jewish Wedding – a guide to an egalitarian ceremony under the chuppah

by

fran-intro-image
Whilst sitting in shul with my mum one Friday night some years ago, I was fortunate to witness an Aufruf being led by Rabbi Miriam Berger. Miriam spoke so beautifully and passionately about the couple that even though I had never met them it brought a tear to my eye. I still remember turning to my mum to say, “When I get married I want Rabbi Miriam to marry me”.  I’m so happy that she is.

Having grown up in a Reform community, having a Reform wedding was always the natural choice for me. To me, Judaism is all about equality, particularly between men and women so that theme pretty much runs through everything. Here is my guide to weddings; the Reform way.

bride-and-groom-smashing-the-glass
Anna & Jon both smashing the glass at their Jewish wedding

The order of service

The order of service is pretty much the same as a traditional Jewish wedding. It follows the same order of the groom entering followed by the bride. We will be married under a beautiful chuppah and are joined there by both sets of parents, the rabbi and our chazan/singer.

The tisch

The tisch is traditionally a time where the rabbi reads through the ketubah outlining the groom’s responsibilities mixed in with some singing, dancing and of course drinking. Reform marriage is all about equality and about marriage being a partnership. Therefore a tisch is not part of a Reform wedding ceremony as the groom is not given a list of responsibilities. Rabbi Miriam has informed Gideon that if he wants some whisky with friends for some dutch courage of course he can! And so can I!

brides-tisch
Bride, Montana, sharing toasting her bridesmaids before her Jewish wedding to Justin 

The badeken

The Jewish wedding tradition of badeken is something I have always found quite powerful: the groom seeing his bride for the first time. Of course the tradition behind it is about the groom checking he has the right bride but I still like it!

After a traditional badeken the bride’s veil is put back over her face and remains like this until the end of the ceremony. In keeping with Reform’s emphasis on equality, Rabbi Miriam spoke to us about the importance of a woman being uncovered for the wedding ceremony as she is just as equal and should be as present in the room as everyone else. This of course means the traditional badeken doesn’t quite work. I really love this idea and based on this we are doing something a little bit different for our bedeken…(not giving away any secrets though!)

alternative-badeken
An alternative-style badeken at Missy & Yoni’s Jewish wedding

Continue ReadingContinue Reading

Sara & Ben | Gloriously Colourful and Creative Jewish Wedding at Castle Green, Pasadena, California, USA

by

pasadena-Jewish-wedding
Sara is a true Smashing The Glass bride — she did it her way (to paraphrase old blue eyes). For Sara, this meant a traditional Jewish ceremony with some of her and Ben’s own egalitarian touches added in. It meant a beautiful home-made chuppah, created by her mother, that integrated small pieces of her and Ben’s past, and it meant listening to her instincts when she felt weird, alternate pressure to create something quirky and cool, and needed a middle ground. Ben was great at helping her to acknowledge when she needed to relax and let it go, and he did much of the work, making a lot of small details happen.

The end result is a wedding full of personality, astonishing detail straight from the heart, intimacy and gloriously magnificent colour. What could be be more perfect?
PASADENA JEWISH WEDDING C
The gorgeous couple first met in Israel whilst Sara was living there and Ben was visiting on holiday. She was taking classes in Jerusalem, and while Ben was in town he wanted to sit in on a class, since he had attended the same school a few years earlier. One morning in January, Sara walked into her usual class and Ben just happened to be sitting next to her regular seat. They struck up a conversation and ended up being chevruta (study partners), but spent most of their study time chatting and getting to know each other. By the end of that day’s class, they had exchanged emails and after Ben returned to the US they started getting to know each other first on email and Gchat, and then long hours over the phone. Several months later, when Sara arrived back in NYC, Ben was waiting for her at the airport with a bouquet of flowers. That was three and a half years ago…. I’ll now hand over to the lovely Sara to tell the story of her and Ben’s wedding day from June earlier this year.

PASADENA JEWISH WEDDING B
VENUE + LOCATION

Sara, the Bride: We were married in Pasadena, California, which is a city in Los Angeles county. I’m from the Pasadena area, and although I moved to New York City seven years ago, I still feel very connected to Southern California. My family and many of my dear friends still live there.

Ben is from the Bronx, and likewise, feels very connected to his city, NYC.  Since we both live in NYC, and our lives are anchored there now, I really wanted a wedding that would change the centre of gravity a little. California is such a huge part of who I am, and therefore it felt like an authentic place to officially declare our love. In addition, I wanted my family to feel connected and involved. The fact that I live in NYC often means they can’t be involved in the details of my life, and I wanted to change that.

Continue ReadingContinue Reading