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Things to Budget for a Jewish Wedding That You May Have Overlooked

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Chloe and Danny‘s Tuscan Jewish wedding, planned by Michelle! Photo by David Bastianoni

This is a guest post by Michelle Jacobs. The founder of Elegante by Michelle J, Michelle  is a wedding planner with a niche specialisation in luxury destination weddings in Italy for UK and US based Jewish couples. Her mission is to create magical and memorable weddings for her couples, their families and their guests. Michelle has had the privilege of working at numerous Italian venues and has built fantastic relationships and effective collaborations with a whole host of talented and professional Italian wedding vendors. She is passionate about sharing all of her knowledge and experience to create your dream wedding.

One of the most challenging aspects of planning a wedding is budgeting. Figuring out how much you have to spend, breaking it down by category, and then continually monitoring your progress as you book each supplier… it’s a lot to think about!

But all that hard work can only go so far if you forget to include certain key items in your budget from the beginning. It’s like anything in life – you have to start with good foundations, otherwise it can all come tumbling down.

So, here are some examples for you of items that I commonly see omitted from an original budget document.

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Jasmin and Brett‘s Osea Island UK Jewish wedding, planned by Michelle! Photo by Claudine Hartzel

Ceremony Costs

Couples – when costing out their wedding – often look at the wedding reception costs only and forget about the main event!!  After all, your guests are joining you to witness your marriage.  Everything that follows is simply a celebration of this, and your marriage ceremony does come with its own costs.  These can include:

  • Synagogue membership fees (often a stipulation if the rabbi at your family Synagogue is marrying you)
  • Fees charged by the rabbi
  • Chazan, musicians and/orchoir
  • Sound system for the ceremony – not always available at the synagogue so if you are having musicians at your ceremony you might need to hire in a PA system.
  • Chuppah hire as well as the chuppah flowers
  • Any other ceremony decoration
  • Kippot and order or service booklets (if applicable or required)
  • Transport from the ceremony to the wedding reception (if you decide to provide this for your guests)
  • Chair hire and set up (eg for an outdoor ceremony at your wedding venue)
  • The cost of your civil wedding, which you will require in addition to your Jewish wedding 

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Paige and Richard‘s Jewish wedding at the Great Synagogue of Florence, planned by Michelle! Photo by David Bastianoni

Catering

Your caterer might have sent you an initial set of sample menus with per person pricing, but have they included:

  • Furniture hire if not available at your venue (ie tables and chairs) and do they charge extra to set these up for you
  • Linen upgrades (perhaps their per person cost includes for basic white linen and you would like to introduce more of a luxury feel or colour)
  • Tableware and glassware upgrades
  • Kitchen set up costs (if you are using a dry hire venue with no catering kitchen)
  • Transport costs for their team (if you are using a venue which is not local to their base)
  • “Crew meals” -you are not expected to pay to feed the caterers staff,  but you will need to pay to feed all of your other suppliers including your band, your photographers and videographers, your wedding planners etc.  Usually caterers will charge a reduced fee for a simpler meal, although you should expect to provide a hot meal as it is always a long day for the supplier team and a decent meal is considered essential.

Michelle helped Emma and Pete plan a Mary Poppins-themed wedding – talk about a Jewish wedding that’s totally them! Photo by Claudine Hartzel

Venue

Do make sure you check your venue hire contract carefully.  In particular you need to consider:

  • What time are your suppliers allowed access,and if earlier access will be required is this possible and will they charge extra for it
  • Likewise the breakdown and de-rig at the end;how long do they allow for this,  is it a sufficient amount of time and if not, will there be an extra fee for a later finish
  • What time must your wedding end; can you extend for a fee?And if so, how much?
  • Which spaces are included?Does this include for all of your requirements including a green room for the band and other suppliers (ie photographers and videographers), a room for your Tisch, a room for your Bedeken?  Is there any extra charge for additional rooms?

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Stephanie and Dan‘s Jewish wedding in Tuscany, planned by Michelle! Photo by David Bastianoni

Flowers

A florist might provide you with a ball-park cost for decorating your Chuppah and for your table centrepieces, but does the fee include:

  • Delivery and set up
  • Returning at the end to collect the vases, candelabras, tea light holders etc and break down the chuppah
  • Breakages of vases, tea light holders etc

Claudia & James, Royal Myconian Hotel, Mykonos, Greece

Claudia and James‘s Jewish wedding in Mykonos, planned by Michelle! Photo by Anna Roussos

Entertainment and Production

You have decided on a band and agreed a fee with them.  But I am afraid that is not all.  Their fee may or may not include their sound system, but it definitely won’t include:

  • Stage
  • Dance floor
  • Lighting

If you book a large showband they will have certain requirements regarding their stage and lighting so do make sure you talk to them about these things sooner rather than later and build them into your budget.

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Top Jewish Wedding Planning Tips

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Jasmine & Brett’s wedding featured on Smashing the Glass | Photo by Claudine Hartzel

So you’re planning a Jewish wedding – mazal tov! Wedding planning is exciting, no question, but it can also be seriously overwhelming. There’s so much to learn, so much information to sort through and, in many cases, so many opinions to contend with. 

But having the right tools goes a long way! And that’s why we tapped into our fabulous network of wedding planners to share their top tips for a smooth wedding planning journey. Read on for some essential Jewish wedding wisdom!

Charlotte from La Fete says

Make sure that you are really clear with your parents from the start on their involvement in your big day. Are they expecting certain things – do you have any non-negotiables? The clearer you are earlier on, the easier and smoother the whole process will be. 

Rebecca & Emmanuel, Villa Luisa, Seville, Spain

Rebecca & Emmanuel‘s wedding featured on Smashing The Glass | Photo by Juan Luis Morilla

 Michelle from Elegante by Michelle J says

We are very fortunate that the Jewish marriage ceremony is very poignant and meaningful;  so my advice to all of my couples is to make it especially so,  the highlight of your wedding day. It’s all too easy to get caught up with the dinner florals, the entertainment, the food and of course they are important (and as a wedding planner I also love to get caught up in all of these details). But everyone is gathering together to witness the two of you entering into the commitment of marriage. So this should be considered “the main event”. Everything else that follows is a celebration of the beautiful wedding that your guests have had the privilege of witnessing.

Chloe & Danny‘s wedding featured on Smashing The Glass | Photo by David Bastianoni

Yana Andreev from Craspedia Events says

Create an email account that will be designated for wedding things only. That way you’ll have all the corespondence in one convinient location, you both have access to and it won’t mix with work and personal stuff. 

Jewish wedding Bayaar, Hadera, Israel

Shelly & Harel‘s wedding featured on Smashing The Glass | Photo by Noa Magger

Luba from Primavera Dreams says

My #1 tip for a destination Jewish wedding: Make sure that your planner knows the traditions, understand the particularity of a Jewish wedding and can actively help to source what may be needed (from chuppah and rabbi to challah, to kosher food and wine, etc. if needed). Or it may cost you a lot of money and stress.

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Rita & Daniel‘s wedding featured on Smashing the Glass | Photo by Tatiana Blanco Photography 

Dyana from Dyana Dessar says

Do remember why you are getting married, because you love each other!  it is not a military manoeuvre and whilst it is important to have a good timeline don’t sweat the small stuff, stop take a moment and take the day in as it will be over all too soon, and to make sure it all runs smoothly employ a professional wedding planner! 


Jolanda & Jack‘s wedding featured on Smashing the Glass | Photo by The Love Hunters

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How to Handle Wedding Planning Stress, Anxiety, or Overwhelm {Instagram Live Recap with Michelle Jacobs of Elegante by Michelle J}

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Who’s having a hard time with wedding planning stress or overwhelm right now? ???? If that’s you, my latest Instagram live is an absolute must-watch. 

I spoke with the wonderful Michelle Jacobs of Elegante by Michelle J, all about how to handle wedding stress, overwhelm, and anxiety – not to mention all those (often unwanted) opinions!

Michelle is the ultimate Jewish wedding planning expert, and I love sharing her knowledge and expertise with you. A London-based planner focusing on destination Jewish weddings – both abroad and in the UK – she’s passionate about creating magical experiences for couples and their families and guests.

Chloe and Danny‘s Tuscan Jewish wedding, planned by Michelle! Photo by David Bastianoni

All About Overwhelm 

In this Live, Michelle and I talk through some easily actionable tips to make your wedding planning as fun and stress-free as possible. We opened the discussion with a focus on wedding overwhelm – something that very often comes up when Michelle first speaks with her couples. It’s especially common at the beginning of a couple’s wedding planning journey, but even all the way through overwhelm can be a big issue.

Michelle shared some great tips on how to deal:

Remember it’s a marathon, not a sprint – it’s true there’s a lot involved in planning a wedding, but no one’s expecting you to do it all at once.

Michelle also recommends that before you get started you sit down and have a conversation with your partner about what sort of wedding you really want and what your priorities are. The clearer a picture you have of what you’re aiming for, the easier it will be to figure out next steps and make choices. 

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Jasmin and Brett‘s Osea Island UK Jewish wedding, planned by Michelle! Photo by Claudine Hartzel

Getting Clear on Your Priorities

In terms of figuring out what it is that the two of you want – Michelle strongly believes that every wedding should reflect the couple behind it, so she’s a big supporter of looking inward before you look outward. First have a think about what you two like to do, what your home is like, what your ideal day out would be, and after you’ve done that start looking at Instagram, Pinterest, Smashing The Glass’s real wedding archives etc. 

Some things to think about: Do you want a country or city wedding? Small or large? Local or destination? Casual or formal? Ballroom or barn? Those are the big-picture issues. You’ll also need to have a sense of how much you want to spend so you won’t waste your time looking at vendors and venues that are out of your price range – or a venue that’s the wrong size for your crowd. It’s smart to share this vision with your family upfront and get everyone on the same page before you dive into planning. 

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How to Handle Wedding Planning Stress, Anxiety, or Overwhelm {Instagram Live with Michelle Jacobs of Elegante by Michelle J}

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Before you got engaged, you probably figured that wedding planning would be a pretty exciting stage in your life. But what you might not have expected is that it can also be extremely stressful. Between family drama, financial struggles, overflowing to-do lists, and good old decision overwhelm, there’s an awful lot to manage. 

But if wedding planning is starting to feel more like a source of anxiety than anything else, it doesn’t have to be that way! And that’s why I’m thrilled to be going live on Instagram this Tuesday, March 29, at 8 pm BST / 3 pm EDT / 12 pm PDT with one of the very best wedding planners around, Michelle Jacobs of Elegante by Michelle J, who’ll be sharing her best tips and tricks for handling wedding stress and overwhelm and talk us through some of the most common challenges facing engaged couples.

We’ll also be giving away an incredible prize to one lucky viewer tuning in live: a 1-hour inspiration session with Michelle, plus 3 months of complimentary membership in Smashing The Glass’s Brides Club! This is truly an incredible value – so do plan on watching live if you can!

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Coronavirus (COVID-19): What to Do If Your Wedding’s Coming Up Soon 

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Where there’s a will there’s a way: this awesome couple got around Israel’s current 10-person limit on gatherings by getting married in a supermarket, one of the few spots where more people are permitted to gather! Big props to this duo, whose wedding is featured in all the images in this post, and their photographer, Meir Lavi.

If you’re getting married in the next few weeks, or even months, you’re no doubt consumed with coronavirus wedding concerns.

I know some of you are facing some really tough decisions right now about whether to postpone your weddings, or else potentially face drastically reduced guest lists.

If postponing seems like a good option for you (and only you and your family can decide that – it’s a very personal decision), contact your venue and vendors to see if there is a backup date that works, and find out when you need to make a final decision. Get this in writing and make a note of the date by when you need to make a final decision. 

To Postpone or Not to Postpone?

What are some reasons postponing might be especially worth considering?

As of the writing of this post, the latest US guidelines call for avoiding groups of more than 10 people through at least the end of March, with CDC guidelines calling for Americans to cancel or postpone events for more than 50 people through early May. So unless you’re down for a hyper-intimate ceremony (which is an option not to be discounted – see below for more on this), if you’re planning to get married in the US this spring your decision will likely have been made for you. 

Same if you’ve been planning a wedding in Italy, where non-essential travel and gatherings of over 100 people are banned at least until April 3 (and likely longer).

If your wedding is set for somewhere with less stringent guidelines at present, you’ll want to consider whether you’ve got lots of guests traveling from abroad, who may very possibly be unable or unwilling to make the trip under the circumstances. You’ll also want to consider elderly, immunocompromised, and otherwise at-risk guests – if you have many on your list, or if their numbers include any VIPs you can’t see yourself getting married without, postponing may be your best bet.

Now and Later

There remains the option to have a small ceremony now – civil and/or religious – and hold the big celebration until things are calmer. This can literally be the two of you, an officiant, and two witnesses, or it can be an intimate gathering of just a handful of your very closest family and friends.

Some of our STG Brides Club members have done exactly this, opting to have a civil wedding followed by a small lunch or dinner now, and a Jewish ceremony at a later date when more guests will be able to celebrate with them. This way, they can still celebrate (and, you know, actually be married!) on their original wedding date. If you go this route, you can even livestream the ceremony to those who can’t attend in person if you like! 

Now is the time to think out of the box, and to stay focused on what really matters – like the awesome Israeli couple pictured in the photos throughout this post did.

To get around Israel’s current restrictions on gatherings of more than 10 people, they opted to hold their Jewish wedding in a supermarket, one of the few spots where larger crowds are allowed to congregate! Is this the wedding these two thought they’d be having three months ago? Almost certainly not. But is it just as special and beautiful as the most luxe of weddings we see in non-pandemic times? Absolutely.

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