Just about all the weddings we blog feature a couple smashing the glass, but we’re pretty sure this is our first where the couple’s also smashed a sake barrel! Beautiful London-based brides Phoebe and Misa, both software engineers, planned the most smashing (sorry, we couldn’t help ourselves) lesbian Jew-ish wedding combining Phoebe’s Jewish background with Misa’s Chinese and Japanese heritage – and we’re obsessed!
These two wanted their day to truly reflect them as a couple, and we don’t think they could possibly have done a better job. With a Jew-ish ceremony led by Phoebe’s childhood rabbi, Chinese and Japanese canapes, personalized sake cup favors for the guests, and a blessing in Japanese from Misa’s mum, we’re obsessed with how seamlessly multicultural the duo made their day.
And back to the smashing of the sake barrel – did you know that it’s a Japanese custom to break the lid of a sake barrel with a wooden hammer on special occasions? What a cool parallel to smashing the glass (which Phoebe and Misa also did, naturally) – and the sake from that smashed barrel was used for the final toast of the night!
We’re obsessed with Phoebe and Misa’s incredible photos by Smashing The Glass Recommended Vendor Marta Ilardo. The camera-shy couple wanted a documentary-style photographer who’d make them feel comfortable on the day, and Marta fit the bill perfectly – plus, how stunning are her photos?
Now over to the Phoebe and Misa, who looked gorgeous in their dresses by Aesling and Mikaella, respectively…
How we Met
Misa and Phoebe, the brides: We actually met at a coding bootcamp (Makers Academy) in 2016! Phoebe was working in finance and Misa was doing a PhD in partnership with Cancer Research UK, when we both decided to re train as Software Engineers.
Industrial Vibes
Our venue was Spring Studios in Kentish Town London. We knew that we wanted to get married in an industrial warehouse in London and for it to be a dry hire. Our first venue was in Dalston but sadly shut down due to COVID. We then found another venue in Wapping, but then after 2 more date reschedules (thank you COVID!) that venue fell through. However, it was bashert, we found Spring Studios in Kentish Town, as not only was it the most beautiful venue, it was within a 30 minute walk of all the homes we had shared together.
Blending Cultures
We wanted the day to be a reflection of us, with no sense of obligation to do any particular custom if we didn’t feel comfortable with it and most importantly that it was fun for us!
Misa: I wanted to ensure that we brought some of my culture into the day, be it from the Chinese and Japanese canapes to the smashing of the sake barrel and favours of personalised sake cups!
Phoebe: My father passed away when I was 26, and despite him not being Jewish, he was very involved with my synagogue growing up. We wanted elements of a Jewish ceremony but crucially, with my old family rabbi, who did my Bat Mitzvah and knew my dad well.
We typically only wear black and dark block colours, so we knew that the day would have to be simple and understated. We didn’t work with any wedding planner, however, Phoebe had a strong vision, so utilised Pintrest and google to develop those ideas further.
Invitations / stationery
As two software engineers, we thought a website would be most appropriate!
Hair + Make-up
We both don’t wear much (or any!) makeup, so we wanted to find someone who had experience doing more natural looks and could make us feel comfortable and fabulous on the day. We were delighted with our makeup artist, Ivana Kostova
Dresses
Phoebe: I bought my dress from the gorgeous Heart Aflutter Bridal shop in Shoreditch. I was originally eyeing up on the designer Laudae, with their simple, elegant and fitted but curve flattering designs. However, I ended up buying from the designer’s sister brand, Aesling, their dress Alate, albeit, I got the designer to lower the slit by 4 inches, to avoid any mishaps on the day!
Misa: Originally I was looking at delicate, high neck, backless, lacy dresses. From my searches I saw that London Bride Couture in Pimlico had a couple of dresses that I liked. Whilst browsing on their website, Phoebe showed me a dress that although backless and high neck, was simpler with minimal lace than I had in mind- and I told her so! However, Phoebe didn’t forget it and whilst in the shop, with only 1 more choice of dress left, she casually suggested this one.
I didn’t remember it from the website and tried it on. As soon as I walked out from behind the curtain, the lovely shop assistant and Phoebe gasped and looking at myself I knew it was the one for me! It was a Mikaella dress.
We both had our dresses altered at London Bride Couture, which was no easy feat, as from the date of our original wedding day, Phoebe dropped 2 dress sizes!
Shoes
Misa: black high heeled sandals. Phoebe: Black heeled, pointed toe boots from & Other Stories
Bridesmaids
With an Autumn weather we wanted to go with ruby colours, so told our bridal folk to pick colours red, blue, navy or green (all deep and rich colours!)
A Jew-ish Ceremony
We had a Jew-ish ceremony, with Phoebe’s childhood rabbi, Rabbi Mark Goldsmith, leading it. The service was in a mixture of Hebrew and English, from Dodi Li, to asking 7 of our friends to each write one of the Sheva B’rachot, to breaking of the glass(es) – we had one each!
Our mothers walked us down the aisle, Misa going first. There was a lovely section of the wedding, during the Birkat Kohanim, where they were both asked to come up and give their own blessing. As Misa’s mum does not speak English, Misa translated it to Japanese for her mum, who then in turn gave her own blessing in Japanese to us. It was an intimate moment to share with our parents.
Our Music Choice
Misa: As part of bringing my heritage to the day, we had hired a Chinese duo with an Erhu and a Pipa player (traditional Chinese instruments) for when people were arriving and also when we were walking down the aisle. An hour before the ceremony we found out that they had got the date wrong, thinking that it would be the following Sunday! Luckily our second band – a Klezmer/Middle Eastern band arrived earlier for a sound check and they stepped up to play some oriental music. It was a tad stressful for a moment, but we refused to let it affect us!
In the evening we had our first dance to Maniac from Flashdance! For the evening we had an awesome band called Listen Up! Who enabled us to rave up until 1.30am!
Flowers
Roberta Sabbatini was our wonderful florist who decorated the beautiful wedding arch. We spoke to her over WhatsApp, told her our vision and she made it into reality. For the tables we bought direct from triangle nursery fresh soft ruscus garlands and dotted them with our origami cranes that we made. For the bridal folk we bought for each a single stem hydrangea in this vibrant purple/blue shade. They were spectacular and went perfectly with our colour scheme.
Photographer
Marta Ilardo was our wonderful photographer. We are both not confident in front of the camera so we wanted our photographer to have a more documentary style. We only did a couple of posed photos with the family as she suggested that it might be a nice opportunity to get a photo with all of us together, especially as Misa’s family live in Tokyo. We are so happy with all the photographs and were oblivious to the camera for the majority of the day!
Food and Cake
Sinead Bailey from The Flavour Kitchen did all of our wonderful catering from the canapé reception, to the Middle Eastern feast to the late night food. We wanted to find someone who could cook delicious Middle Eastern food as well as Chinese and Japanese cuisine and she did not disappoint! We got rave reviews from family and friends, including requests for some of her recipes!
Our wonderful friend – Vivikins(!) – made us this gorgeous tiered rainbow cake, covered in our origami cranes. It was as tasty as it looked!
Entertainment
Apart from the 2 bands Don Kipper and Listen Up!, we had a photo booth with a book that we got people to stick a picture in and a message! This was a great way to capture all the fun folk were having as well for them to take home a fun memento from the day. We had fun afterwards seeing how the photos escalated throughout the night!
Favours
Bringing in Misa’s culture, we ordered from Japan, sake cups, that had our names on them in Chinese letters as well as the date… although due to COVID that date was 532 days earlier!
Extra details
As part of Japanese culture, on special occasions it is customary to break the lid of a sake barrel with a wooden hammer. So to compliment the sake cup favours we also ordered a sake barrel from Japan and smashed it for our final toast. It took us 3 goes but we managed it!
Phoebe’s sister lives in Tel Aviv and was nearly 8 months pregnant so sadly was not able to join. On the wedding day we spoke to her, reminding her to send her speech that she had recorded to one of the brides folk. At the venue our friend ran around trying to set up the recording to check that it would play.
With only an hour left until guests started to arrive we had opened a bottle of bubbles (or two!) and were chilling with our friends… when who walks through the door? Phoebe’s sister and husband! As a (mad) wonderful surprise, the day before our wedding she had wrapped herself in scarves and boarded a flight to London. We had spent our pre wedding night at a hotel so we were oblivious. Although crazy, it was so wonderful having her at our wedding. We still can’t believe that she managed to surprise us all and that our mum managed to keep it a secret!
Advice to couples currently planning their wedding
Our advice is do what YOU want and don’t sweat the small stuff (or the big stuff!) and have fun with it! Having said that, we did have the most amazing venue staff at Spring Studios, who in the last few weeks we handed over all our supplier details and went through the schedule etc with them. If it hadn’t been for them – shout out to Kailee and Grace – asking us whether we had a schedule or whether we had thought of x, y and z, our day would most certainly have not been the success it was and most importantly as stress free.
So yes, make sure you can hand over all logistics to someone else on the day – then when things don’t go to plan – like a band not showing up or the champagne not arriving (yes that did happen!) – don’t let it detract from the day – as it is going to be awesome no matter what!
PHOEBE & MISA’S LITTLE WHITE BOOK
Photography – Marta Ilardo {offers 10% discount to all members of Smashing The Glass’s Brides Club}
Venue – Spring Studios
Bride’s dresses: Phoebe: Aesling from Heart Aflutter. Misa’s: Mikaella found and fitted from London Bride Couture
Bride’s shoes – Phoebe’s black boots from & Other Stories
Hair + Makeup – Ivana Kostova
Flowers – Roberta Sabbatini
Bands – Don Kipper and Listen Up!
Catering – Sinead at The Flavour Kitchen
Rabbi – Rabbi Mark Goldsmith, Edgware & Hendon Reform Synagogue
If you’re a Jewish or Jew-ish bride-to-be, you’ll want to join Smashing The Glass’ Brides Club. Guided by the world’s number 1 Jewish wedding expert, Karen Cinnamon, Brides Club is the private community for Jewish and Jew-ish brides that removes wedstress and indecision and gives you what you need to plan with confidence during these uncertain times. Join our Brides Club here.
What a beautiful combo aame-aex Chinese-Japanese-Jewish wedding! This wedding proves that love knows no boundaries.