Amanda will be marrying Adam on 25th March 2018 in a Jewish wedding at Braxted Park, UK.
THREE FACTS: (1) Amanda & Adam met outside in a bar in Tel Aviv (2) Adam has a ridiculous sense of humor (as described by Amanda!) and we love him all the more for it (3) Amanda & Adam’s wedding is 100% focused on all the people and things that mean the most to them. You can click here to read all Amanda’s planning posts to date.
The stress of planning a wedding is no secret. According to Zola in the US, 71% of couples said that wedding planning is more stressful than moving house or finding a job. In fact, according to the same survey, a whopping 86% of engaged couples experience at least three stress-induced symptoms including heightened anxiety, difficulty sleeping, short temper and headaches.
Reading this, I can definitely relate. Although I consider myself fairly laid back both generally and while wedding planning, I have found myself struggling when the pressure has become too much. For me, these moments fall into 3 key categories:
- Blame Game
- Will it be all right on the night?
Your pressure points might be different, but are likely to overlap somewhere. So here I offer my advice on matters of wedding stress and how to overcome it.
Image by Niv Shimshon (STG Vendor) from Asha and Matt’s Jewish wedding
Spoiler alert: weddings are expensive. Even the low-key weddings I’ve attended could wipe out a couple’s life savings. I will never forget Adam’s face when one of the venues confirmed that the price they had provided was for dry hire only. Priceless. (Except not priceless, it was really expensive and did we want to put a deposit down today? No, it turns out we did not.)
So how can we deal with the shock waves? Well, there are a few things you can do. Firstly, remember your budget. Nobody wants to be in debt post-wedding so and it can be so easy to get carried away with how beautiful everything is. But if the stress that comes with the spending outweighs the joy you’re feeling about getting married, ask yourself: is it really worth it?
You may however discover something that really is important to you and worth spending a bit extra on. In that case, you must sit down and work out what else you can compromise on to make it work. As with a relationship, it’s a bit of give and take. And finally remember to keep breathing and just don’t look too closely at the final spend!
(Pro Tip: join Smashing The Glass’s Members Club and receive 100’s of discounts to alleviate the ‘price shock’!)
Image by Facibeni Fotografia from Maggie and Ben’s Jew-ish wedding
There’s no getting away from it. There are a lot of people who want to be involved with the planning of a wedding. And in my experience, that really is lovely. Having a supportive group of friends and family who are willing to help is the dream scenario for me. But when things don’t pan out, and the pressure is on, it’s very easy for tensions to turn to arguments.
My best advice on this one? Pick your battles.
Something that’s extremely important to your parents may be of little consequence to you and your partner. Try to think from the perspective of the other person. What are they trying to achieve? If it’s much more important to the person who is trying to help, particularly if they’re family and contributing financially to the wedding, maybe let them have that one. They’ll be really happy and if there are any more conflicts, you’ll have earned a win by compromising on something earlier. If it clashes completely with your view, then I recommend an honest conversation over a cup of tea (or gin, depending on your taste!). Overall, believe that everybody is offering their opinions with the best intentions.
Ultimately we still want our friends and family to still like us once we’ve had the actual wedding so it’s important to find the balance between hearing the opinions of others and making sure the wedding stays true to your wishes.
Image by Nadine Van Biljon from Nina and Matt’s Jew-ish wedding
Will it be all right on the night?
The spread sheets are completed, RSVPs are coming in and everybody knows where they should be and when. So why is there a niggling feeling that something might go wrong? This is what’s currently keeping me up at night. Rationally and realistically, I know there is nothing more I can do. I should sit back, relax and enjoy the next few weeks. So why can’t I?
There’s probably no generalised advice that will work here, as this particular issue will likely be different for each person. Simply, trust your own judgement and that of your partner. The hard part has been done leaving the best bit yet to come! So trust that you’ve got this because even if something totally unforeseeable goes wrong on the day, you’re getting married for the long haul, not just for the day. And that’s a lot of time to laugh about it together.
To combat the low-lying anxiety I’ve been experiencing, I conducted a small survey about wedding mishaps. I asked a group of close friends and family to tell me about moments which seemed like a nightmare at the time, but in fact, turned out to be something to remember. In almost all of these cases, the person telling the story had to stop half way through as they were taken over by hysterical laughter.
These are my top 3 favourites:
- “Our wedding videographer fell over whilst walking backwards down the aisle. Instead of editing this part out of the video, he left it in. So there’s a really lovely moment where the video cuts from the mother of the bride… direct to the ceiling… and back again. It is accompanied by a smattering of swear words and is hilarious.”
- “My dad’s speech set on fire while he was reading it. After a few seconds and a number of flapping hands and shouting, he calmly dipped it into his water glass and carried on.”
- “The day of our wedding was also my 28th birthday. Whilst I’d asked my family not to acknowledge it, they did anyway with a cake and a round of ‘Happy Birthday’. Unfortunately, the caterer had forgotten to make the requested chocolate cake and what came out was green and yellow and distinctly unappetising. My siblings stuck their fingers in it and donated it to the taxi driver on the way home!”
I think the point I’m trying to make is that you can plan, but you cannot prepare for every eventuality. And you shouldn’t. So take the pressure off yourself and stop trying so hard.
Planning something as important as a wedding will come with inevitable stress but stripping things back, the real reason you and all of your guests are there is to celebrate two people in love. So put down the spreadsheet and tell the florist to surprise you on the day (yep…that’s what I did), because the best memories are built on happiness and laughter. No matter what else happens, there will definitely be plenty of that to go around.
Thanks from the author: Thank you to my friend Abi Symons who has helped to sculpt and shape this blog piece to avoid it causing any further stress…
Image by Blaise Szallasi from Gillian and Pete’s Jew-ish wedding
Click here to read all Amanda’s planning posts to date.
Amanda & Adam’s Wedding Vendors booked so far:
Venue – Braxted Park
Photographer – Steve Carter Hewson
Band – LDN Party Band
Bridesmaid dress – David’s Bridal
Flowers – Urban Flower Farmer
Jewellery – Litzi