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Thinking of converting to Judaism? 5 questions to ask yourself before making the decision

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I am delighted to introduce a fabulous second guest post from Michele Schwartz, editor of The Modern Jewish Wedding, a popular website for Jewish/ interfaith couples and wedding planners.

Charlotte Harry Sex and the City
[image: Sex and the City via HBO.com]

“I know that game. I invented that game. So, they’re Rules Rabbis,”
Charlotte York Goldenblatt from Sex and the City.

It’s true.  When considering conversion to Judaism from another religion, whether for a wedding, or just because, rabbis will traditionally turn you away. Rabbis are known to test your commitment by saying “NO!” three times. Then it is up to you…

If you are considering converting for your ‘beshert’ (your meant to be), here are some questions that will be useful to ask yourself and your intended before taking the plunge.:

1. How do I know if Judaism is right for me?

You’ll know! I hate to sound trite–but, you’ll know. If you are pressured to convert or feel as if you must do so just to be married, then you should stop reading now and read my previous post on incorporating Jewish traditions into your interfaith wedding. However, if you are committed to having a Jewish home, raising your children Jewish and are intellectually curious about Judaism–then read on. The best place is to start is with curiosity.

  • Read, read and then read some more.
  • Attend services at several different local synagogues.
  • Take a class. Most congregations offer a weekly text study you can attend. You can also check out your local Jewish Community Centre or even a local university to find classes or lectures that spark your interest.

Kensington Roof Gardens Jewish Weding
[image: Lee Ann & Andre’s London wedding / Gavin Hart Photography]

2. Even if I don’t convert can I work Judaism into our marriage and home?

Absolutely. Most people begin the road to formal conversion after first experiencing life in a Jewish family, home or community. Jewish rituals don’t negate anything you were raised to believe. You can get married under the chuppah, you can participate in congregational services, learning and holiday celebrations, you can attend or host a Passover seder, you can light candles on Shabbat and enjoy a day of rest on Saturday. If nothing else feels right for you–learn a new recipe or two and eat Jewish soul food.
TUSCANY WEDDING
[image: Daphna & Godwin’s Tuscany wedding ]

3. How “Jewish” do I want to be?

There are lots of different flavours of Judaism. But no one is more Jewish than any other (despite what you might hear or think). You should try them all–and decide for yourself what feels right for you. Do you like traditional music and lots of Hebrew in your worship service? Do you want to belong to a community that keeps strictly kosher? Do you feel more comfortable in a setting where there are same-sex couples and no one frowns at ear piercings or tattoos? Judaism is a big tent–you have to find the most comfortable seat for yourself.

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5 ways to ‘incorporate Jewish’ into your non-Jewish or Interfaith wedding

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jewish_wedding hora
image: Chyna Darner Photography

Mazel Tov, you’re engaged! You are starting to put together Pinterest boards, you’re buying every wedding magazine going and bookmarking all the best wedding blogs. There’s only one hitch – you are Jewish, and your fiancà© isn’t. But no need to worry, because by adding Jew-ish touches to your wedding and reception, you can honour both sides and have everyone “kvelling” in no time.

Here are five simple and fun ways to incorporate Jewish wedding traditions into your special day:

1. FIND AN INTERFAITH KETUBAH: There are Ketubot written in English with no mention of God or religious beliefs. Every couple should agree to love, commitment and laughter (three things the Ketubah represents); it’s good for the soul! interfaith_ketubah [image: Interfaith ketubah from Daphna & Godwin’s Tuscan castle Jewish wedding ]

2. HAVE YOUR PARENTS WALK YOU DOWN THE AISLE: Every Jewish mother dreams of the day she’ll walk her child down the aisle (wearing a dress that’s the envy of all her friends). Don’t deprive her of this proud moment! Plus, your soon to be in-laws will no doubt find it charming, thereby giving you some serious brownie points.

3. HAVE A CHUPPAH: The chuppah represents your new home and forms a beautiful, striking central space for the wedding ceremony. Also, designing a chuppah will be a special way for you both to create something symbolic and beautiful together. Just add it in to the floral budget and enjoy the experience and symbolism. CHUPPAH [image: Chuppah from Lee & Gary’s Jewish Wedding at The Criterion, London / Peachy Productions ]

4. SMASH THE GLASS! Since even Jews can’t agree on why we break a glass at a Jewish wedding, there’s really no reason not to include the tradition. It’s fun! Everyone shouts “Mazal Tov” and everyone claps and hollers. Who doesn’t want a standing ovation on their wedding day?

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Top 10 Chuppah Entrance Songs

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Chuppah-Entrance-Songs
Image by Susan Stripling taken from Natasha & Jez’s wedding

What song would you like to walk into when you walk down the aisle to your chuppah? There are lots of lovely traditional Jewish songs such as Jerusalem of Gold, Dodi Li, L’cha Dodi, Erev Shel Shoshanim, ‘Sunrise, Sunset’, modern Israeli songs like Mitachat Lashamayim and Lekol Echad Yesh or choose from Smashing The Glass’s Top 30 songs to walk down the aisle to at a Jewish wedding.

I asked Maya Bechor from Zebra Music to recommend 10 fresh chuppah entrance songs for the modern bride and groom. What I really like about Zebra is that they gently encourage Jewish couples to step out of their comfort zone of ordinary “wedding music”. They know exactly how to get the crowd pumped and the party started!.

Zebra and Smashing The Glass are proud to bring you some of the more non-traditional, interesting, happy, energy-filled chuppah entrance song ideas. Listen, enjoy, and… MAZAL TOV!

1. HEY HO BY THE LUMINEERS
This is a great song choice that crosses every type of person and musical genre.

2. ALL I WANT IS YOU BY BARRY LOUIS POLISAR
A cute little love song from the “Juno” soundtrack, A real feel-good song with loving lyrics.

3. GOD ONLY KNOWS BY THE BEACH BOYS
The legendary American rock band gave us one of our favourite songs for wedding season – every word counts.

4. LET’S STAY TOGETHER BY AL GREEN
Classics always work. Al Green sure knows how to put us in a sentimental mood with this soulful love ballad.

5. YOU ARE THE BEST THING BY RAY LAMONTAGNE
With his rough and moving voice Ray will captivate all of your guests, it’s very simple — “you are the best thing that ever happened to me”.

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Jewish Wedding Glossary – Smashing The Glass Style

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Jewish wedding glossary
So what do those funny-sounding Yiddishe/ Aramaic/Hebrew words associated with a Jewish Wedding really mean? It’s all laid out below for you complete with some all-important insights if you want to be really in the know…

AUFRUF: A short ceremony during the Shabbat (Sabbath) synagogue service that normally takes place on the Saturday morning before the wedding. The groom (and sometimes the bride) are honoured in front of their community. This is often followed by a small party or lunch (any excuse to add some food into a ritual).

ARAMAIC: A semitic language related to Hebrew that is often used as the wording in the ketubah (and a near-unpronouncable dialect that only rabbis seem to be able to enunciate / read).

ASHKENAZI: Jews of Eastern and Central European descent.

BADEKEN: A short but meaningful ceremony where the groom covers the bride’s face with her veil. It occurs just before the actual wedding ceremony and is a custom that derives from the biblical account of Jacob’s first marriage, when he was deceived to marry the heavily veiled Leah instead of Rachel, his intended bride.

The badeken is often emotionally charged as the bride and groom may not have seen each other for 24 hours or longer (as much as 7 days) until this moment.

BADEKEN JEWISH WEDDING
The Badeken ceremony as seen at Karen & Jeremy’s wedding [image by Earthy Photography]


BENCHERS / BENCHING: A small booklet containing the Jewish blessings for a meal (or a Jewish songbook for dinner – we love singing!)

BIRKAT HAMAZON: Jewish blessings recited after a meal – known in English as Grace after Meals (or a Jewish songbook for after dinner jollity).

CHATAN: Hebrew word for groom or a son-in-law. It comes from the verb meaning to tie, connect or covenant.

CHAZAN: A cantor – often a trained musician – who plays an active role in the ceremony in prayers said as songs (and he more often that not sings better than the rabbi).

CHALLAH: Delicious sweet plaited white bread eaten on Shabbat and at celebrations (a bit like a brioche – absolutely scrumptious toasted with a little butter).

CHUPPAH: The wedding canopy which sits atop four poles that represents the couple’s future home(often mistakenly pronounced as ‘Chopper’ as in the bike , or ‘Chupa [Chups]’ as in the lollipops).

CHUPPAH JEWISH WEDDING
A Jewish Chuppah as seen at Lee Ann & Andre’s’ wedding [image by Gavin Hart Photography]

HA MOTZI: A Jewish blessing recited over bread.

HAVA NAGILA: A traditional Hebrew folk song played at Jewish weddings (it’s become the absolute staple of Jewish wedding bands).

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