There’s something so special about whisking your nearest and dearest off for a weekend away from it all, in gorgeous surroundings, centered around celebrating your love – which is exactly what NYC couple Ruthie and Aaron did for their Jewish wedding!
The pair found the perfect venue in Stone Tavern Farm in the Catskills, a stunning natural setting full of earthy elements of wood, stone, and greenery; plenty of opportunities for hiking and connecting with nature; and, most important of all, lodging so everyone could stay on-site and enjoy the full weekend experience together!
Inspired by the splendid natural surroundings, Ruthie and Aaron worked with Smashing The Glass Recommended Vendor Rachelle of The Delicate Brush to create a custom ketubah including elements like a starry night sky, a tree with two branches twisting together to form a singular canopy, and mountains representing where they got married. In Ruthie’s words, “Rachelle is such a talented artist who truly takes the time to get to know her clients and ensure their hopes, personalities and priorities are reflected in her work.” Don’t miss it in Christine Ashburn’s wonderful photos!
To make it all even more personal, Ruthie and Aaron also customized their own ketubah text to represent their intentions for their marriage – and they read it aloud to each other during the chuppah! How special is that?! The couple credit their Reform rabbi, Rabbi Rena, who they found through Smashing The Glass Recommended Vendor 18doors, with helping them figure out which traditions were meaningful to them – and giving them the freedom to incorporate those traditions in ways that felt authentic.
There’s so much more to say about this wedding – like, how elegant did Ruthie look in her Made With Love gown?! – but we’ll let her take it from here…
How We Met
Ruthie, the bride, and Aaron, the groom: In July 2020, Aaron had recently moved to Hoboken, NJ and Ruthie was living on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. The pandemic was in full swing, so Aaron was focused on building his accounting and financial advisory business as founder and CEO, and Ruthie was adjusting to working from home full-time, now leading the HR team supporting Global Technology at a Fortune 100 company.
They connected through Hinge, a dating app: Text messages quickly became phone calls and facetime, all very open, natural, interesting, and light-hearted. A few weeks after initially connecting, Ruthie suggested that she and Aaron meet up. It was a hot summer day, but outdoor activities were a requirement, so they took a walk on the Hoboken waterfront. Despite the sweaty circumstances, their multi-hour conversation flowed, and they laughed a lot.
On their first date, Ruthie had mentioned that she was assessing her home office setup, fully accepting that this work-from-home arrangement was not short-term. On their second date the following weekend, Aaron showed up at Ruthie’s apartment with a spare computer monitor and webcam and proceeded to install both. After the sushi and wine were long gone, they continued talking for eight hours from opposite ends of Ruthie’s long couch, still attempting to social distance. Some topics of this conversation included comparing grocery sanitation habits and extensive family trees. At the end of the evening, they shared their first kiss.
After that, Ruthie & Aaron spent more weeknights and weekends together, taking drives, city walks, nature hikes, cooking meals, watching movies, and much more. They quickly confided deeply in each other about their hopes, fears, struggles, families, professional aspirations, life experiences, and personal goals. They repeatedly commented on how natural it felt to be together, how they never grew tired of spending time together and laughter and silliness punctuated almost every conversation.
Starting in January 2021, Ruthie & Aaron worked and lived together full time. They regularly shushed each other when their conference calls conflicted (there was no door between the living room and bedroom), and sometimes ended up wearing the same outfit. They took long walks on the waterfront, cooked elaborate meals in their tiny kitchen, and worked together to design and renovate the apartment they planned to move into in April 2021. They regularly spoke of their future together, the family they wanted to build, adventures they wanted to take, and goals they wanted to achieve. It was always about them together, as a team, and they commented regularly about how supported, loved, and connected they felt.
An Outdoor Venue
We knew we didn’t want a long engagement, which was a lofty goal in the NY area especially post-pandemic when so many weddings were rescheduled. Ruthie did lots of research even before the official engagement through theknot.com. She searched for venues across NY, NJ, PA and surrounding areas, looking for dates in the fall – another challenge! We knew we wanted a natural setting with earthy elements like wood, stone and/or greenery; we love the outdoors, hiking and nature, and wanted a big space where everyone could gather and enjoy throughout the full weekend.
By sheer luck, we stumbled upon the Stone Tavern Farm in the Catskill mountains, which was a wedding weekend destination, supporting events from Friday through Sunday, and offering on-site lodging for the immediate family and couple. We didn’t know that was even a possibility and fell more in love with the idea the more we learned about it from Lori and the STF event team. Miraculously, they also had a date available in November 2022, so we secured the date as soon as we visited.
Theme & Wedding Planner
We talked about our vision for the wedding, focused on how it would feel more than how it specifically would look. Aaron is a big ideas guy, and Ruthie is the detailed planner, so we had a lot of big brainstorming conversations that then narrowed down into specific choices. We knew we wanted it to be formal but also comfortable, inclusive and fun for everyone.
We made big decisions like inviting kids (but not offering childcare!), writing a program that explained the Jewish rituals we were using in the ceremony so everyone could understand what was happening, and having several events throughout the weekend for people to attend while in town. We were most excited about being together, across geographies, religions, families, and ages.
As more detailed choices had to be made, we picked things that we liked and felt like “us”, taking it one thing at a time. We started with the invitations: the design we both loved was navy blue and gold. Then with the bridal party, we added charcoal grey from the dresses, and we rounded it out with pops of burnt oranges, magenta and deep reds in the flowers. We shared lots of pictures back and forth throughout the process as we weighed options and made each choice.
Since Stone Tavern Farm requires everything to be brought in (food, décor, linens, etc.), we knew we needed a wedding coordinator. Lydia from Catskills Weddings is the recommended planner at STF and knows the site inside and out. We felt like we were in very good hands from our first conversation – she was warm, pragmatic, flexible, and had seen it all over more than a decade. She also took over the logistics 30 days prior to the wedding, not just the day of, which was a huge relief given the number of vendors to coordinate.
Hair + Make-up
Frann (hair) & Marriessa (makeup) from Annaliese and Company were an amazing mother-daughter team that made me, my mothers, flower girls, & bridesmaids feel beautiful all day and night long. They are down to earth and experts at their craft, can work with any hair and skin type, and reasonably priced. They fit right in with our family during the getting ready portion of the day, with a warm and positive presence that made the entire process enjoyable and light-hearted.
We were even ahead of schedule so had time for extra lashes, touch ups and special attention for the flower girls who felt like princesses. Frann used my natural hair texture (2a wavy curls, fine hair) to make an off-to-the-side bun that felt natural and looked amazing — like I had way more hair than I do without needing extensions. Some mothers were less accustomed to getting hair and makeup done, and both ladies made them feel completely comfortable, and beautiful. Nothing moved all day and night despite lots of wind, happy tears and dancing!
Dress
I had envisioned a dress with cap sleeves, lace and a flowy skirt. I went shopping with my mom, stepmother and sister on my birthday! I had helped many friends and sisters through this process, seen the good and the bad, so I was quite nervous. I had 2 appointments, and throughout each, I gravitated towards simpler and more classic styles and shapes. At Lovely Bride, Heather was a great support. When I told her that all the styles I had originally bookmarked were out the window, she easily shifted to bring me simpler and classic styles, listening carefully to my feedback and reactions, and recommending things based on my style and shape.
I was having trouble focusing on how it made me feel, until I tried on this dress called Archie by Made With Love that Heather brought over. It was form fitting and seemed unforgiving fabric (aka: No shapewear possible!) which made me nervous because I didn’t want to feel pressured to lose too much weight or worry how I looked or moved during the wedding. It was French crepe, which was so smooth, comfortable and light. It had a deep v neck, and very low back with a beautiful cowl drape and delicate buttons down the back, to a mid-sized train.
As I was zipped up, I smiled bigger and stood up straighter than ever before that day. My family gasped when I walked out of the dressing room, with huge smiles, and I thought, “this is me… as a bride!” Once I saw myself in the mirror on the pedestal with the hourglass shape defined, train fanned out and veil on my head and wrapped around my shoulders, I knew this was the one.
I worked with Esin, the owner at Sew Elegant in Manhattan to tailor the dress and she did an incredible job. She is the kindest, sweetest woman who has her studio plastered floor to ceiling with pictures of brides she has worked with – like they are her family. She welcomes everyone with a big hug and takes great pride in ensuring the dress is perfect for you. Since the dress fabric was so delicate, I only needed 2 appointments, and after one pinning session, it fit like a glove. The dress looked even more incredible when adjusted perfectly to my shape, and I was comfortable and confident all day wearing it. Bonus: the bustle wasn’t heavy and didn’t break!
Accessories & Shoes
Allen at Bianca Jewellers is an amazing gemmologist and jewellery designer. He and the Bianca family took great care in helping design my engagement ring and wedding band. He sourced the quality and size of diamond that Aaron wanted and offered several options to choose from at competitive prices. The setting he constructed is secure yet delicate.
He then helped us select the wedding band to complement, and sourced those stones to match the cut, color and quality of the main center stone of the engagement ring. He also consulted on Aaron’s band when we had a lot of trouble finding the style he wanted. They are upfront and honest about timing, trade-offs to consider, and trends so that you can make the best decision for what you want. They take pride in being an integral part of this momentous life event and being part of your family over generations.
Ceremony and Chuppah
Aaron and I both grew up Jewish. I was raised conservative in the suburbs outside of Philadelphia, and he was raised Reform on Long Island, NY. His mother is Catholic, and father is Jewish. He never formally converted in a mikvah but did have a bar-mitzvah and grew up celebrating Jewish traditions as the main family faith (he also celebrated Easter and Christmas with his mom’s family). As I’ve grown up, my family shifted towards Reform practices and community: My sister is a reform cantor, and my mom is gay and married to her life partner, my stepmother.
When we were envisioning our wedding, we knew we wanted it to be surrounded by our blended and extended family, all participating and feeling accepted, with a Rabbi officiating. The outdoor setting in nature was a key part of our vision and the venue we chose, and we were mindful of guests’ travel plans conflicting with work on Friday and/or Monday. So, we started to explore how we could get married on Saturday, before sundown and who would be willing to officiate on Shabbat.
We ultimately found Rabbi Rena through 18doors, who is a Reform Rabbi in the Hudson Valley area. She shared a lot about her approach to officiating Jewish weddings on Shabbat — taking the interpretation that simcha on top of simcha is positive and possible. She was knowledgeable, warm and flexible. At her recommendation, we read “Jewish Wedding Now” by Anita Diamant to learn about the origins of all the wedding customs and laws and decide what was meaningful to us.
We knew specific Jewish customs were “must haves” like the chuppah, the wine, honoring family members no longer with us, the Sheva brachot (7 blessings) in Hebrew and English, kippot, our ketubah, smashing the glass, yichud, hora, blessings before the meal, etc. Some things we discussed with Rabbi Rena and each other, and decided to incorporate (and were so happy we did!) included circling each other (3-3-1).
We read our Ketubah to each other as our “vows” (we wrote and designed our ketubah with Rachelle from The Delicate Brush to truly represent us and our intentions for this marriage), our parents wrapped us in our tallesim, my stepsister sang the Hebrew Sheva Brachot and Aaron’s sister read the English translation we felt most represented us, and my stepmother designed a wedding program explaining everything so that guests of all faiths could follow along and understand what was happening.
We even had some Orthodox family members make it possible to join, with some special help from our caterer and local kashrut vendor, which was meaningful to both them and us to have them present. Lastly, we made donations in honor of our wedding to two organizations that were important to us. Our wedding was loving and meaningful, and everyone commented that it was very “us”. We will cherish these memories forever!
Ketubah
I found Rachelle’s work on Instagram through other watercolor and ketubah artists I had been following and loved her style. I had one of her painting designs in mind when I shared it with Aaron, and then together, and with Rachelle’s help and guidance, we came up with a custom and personalized design, incorporating elements important to both of us, representing us and the space where our wedding took place: a starry night sky, a tree with two branches twisting together to form a singular canopy, and the mountains representing where we got married.
Rachelle is such a talented artist who truly takes the time to get to know her clients and ensure their hopes, personalities and priorities are reflected in her work. We also adapted the verbiage interpretations she offers on her website to represent our intentions and commitments for our partnership and marriage.
At Rabbi Rena’s recommendation, we read our ketubah to each other as part of our vows in the Jewish ceremony, which we loved and hadn’t seen before. It was a beautiful connection across symbols during this special celebration that felt very meaningful.
Our Music Choice
Aaron surprised me by finding a string quartet to play during the ceremony procession, recession and cocktail hour. It was something we discussed wanting early in the wedding planning, process but ultimately cut it in favor of other investments. This was his gift to me, and it was perfect for the setting and vibe.
Stellar Strings came from NYC and played beautifully. They learned 3 new songs for us, and we selected the rest from their song list. Our songs included:
Groom: ‘Concerning Hobbits’ from Lord of the Rings – it’s beautiful and turned some heads of those who recognized it. Bridal Party: ‘Wildest Dreams’ by Taylor Swift. Bride: ‘Crazy Love’ by Van Morrison. Recession: ‘Perfect’ by Ed Sheeran. Cocktail Hour: They played their regular set list
For the reception, JTD Productions was recommended by the venue and Dave is known as a local radio personality who is the best in the business. After one conversation we knew he was our guy – He has amazing energy and is a pro at fuelling a party. He got to know our style and matched that to ensure everyone (of all generations) was dancing all night.
He worked closely with our Caterer (Lekker) and coordinator (Lydia, Catskill Weddings) to ensure the reception flowed seamlessly and adjusted when needed without bothering us. We were in very good hands and had no doubt everyone would have an amazing time.
Entrance: ‘Levitating’ by Dua Lipa. First dance: ‘Tightrope’ from The Greatest Showman. Father/Bride: ‘How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)’ by James Taylor. Mother/Groom: ‘My Wish’ by Rascal Flatts
Flowers
I am admittedly no flower expert. I was conscious of trying to stay with what was in season to keep costs somewhat reasonable, and Lydia brought our vision to life more beautifully than I could have ever described! I knew I wanted pops of burnt orange, deep reds, light pinks and some white flowers to contrast with the navy blue and grey outfits of our bridal party and incorporate the fall vibe. Aaron requested a less traditional, more unique boutonniere arrangement for him and his groomsmen using greenery in addition to buds, and absolutely loved what Lydia created.
I gasped out loud when I saw my bouquet; I could not get over how stunning it was. My favorite flower is the peony but I wrote it off as being out of season and too expensive – but Lydia made it happen and we had the most gorgeous magenta peonies punctuating every arrangement. The barn and table arrangements were also breath taking.
Our guests were impressed and continue to comment about their first impression when entering the barn. We had the same experience when visiting the venue: you’re overwhelmed by all the lights, candles floating in votives and low center pieces across the wooden barn tables.
Photographer
Photography was one of our top priorities and investments for the wedding. We knew we wanted someone who could capture the feelings and emotions as well as leverage the natural surroundings without washing out the colors. Through research and referrals, we learned about the editorial wedding style and dove deeper into photographers who specialized in that within the Hudson Valley, NY area. We discovered Christine Ashburn’s work and were captivated by her use of light and nature, and how loving and energetic her portfolio was.
Speaking to her reinforced that she was our top choice as she’s warm, down to earth, unobtrusive and creative. She covers the more traditional wedding shots but really focuses on the candids and less posed moments, so the energy and emotion come through. She kept us calm and moving the entire day despite time crunches, location changes and very large and opinionated families. She also captured the fireworks masterfully — some of our favorite shots were from that moment!
Food and Cake
Unless you’re a gourmet, foodie couple, food is never amazing at a wedding, and it was not our focus of where to invest for top tier. Despite that, we felt so fortunate to have Juan from Lekker and Dina from Café Marguerite surprise our guests with mouth-watering fare! Juan is down to earth and an excellent chef who truly enjoys the creative process of putting together an amazing spread. He takes pride in enabling an incredible celebration and was fun to spend time with across the rehearsal dinner, cocktail hour and reception.
We leaned into the fall flavors and local fare, which he advised us on to build our menu during the tasting. We appreciated his all-included and transparent pricing approach, and how he treats his team to get the best service and have fun while doing it.
We opted for family-style service and every guest was raving about the food — saying the variety and flavors were incredible. We love that he sources most ingredients locally. The meal was served seamlessly, and Juan’s team put extra care into accommodating dietary needs (allergies & strict kosher) which we really appreciated so our guests could enjoy.
We found Café Marguerite on one of our venue visits and loved their coffee and mouth-watering pastries. We learned that the owners are trained pastry chefs from France, and we were thrilled when we found out they also make wedding cakes! Consistent with the seasonal theme, we opted for a pumpkin spice cake with vanilla buttercream frosting. Our guests raved that we had the best wedding cake they’ve ever had — moist and flavorful, with not-too-sweet icing!
Honeymoon
We debated where to go on our honeymoon a lot – Ruthie has travelled a lot internationally, and the places she hadn’t been to, Aaron has been to. We were considering Greece, Buenos Aires, Hawaii, and then Aaron put all his cards on the table with Bora Bora. His criteria were that it was not possible to do on a shoestring, not easy to get to, and appropriate for this once-in-a-lifetime trip. I wasn’t as sure, realizing I really likes to experience culture and learn while traveling. I wasn’t convinced that sitting on a beach for 10 days that far away was worth it (call me crazy!).
As we were polling a lot of people for input and I was researching lots of options, a co-worker told me about the National Geographic expeditions who happen to have a cruise route around French Polynesia, ending in Bora Bora. So that sealed the deal and we signed up and booked a hut in Bora Bora for a few extra nights. Since the cruise doesn’t run until May 2023, we went to Spa Mirbeau in Rhinebeck, NY for right after the wedding for a minimoon. This was perfect as we were exhausted and just needed to completely relax. I couldn’t imagine getting on a plane!
Advice to other couples planning their wedding
It took me a while to be comfortable owning what we truly wanted based on our wedding vision without worrying about what everyone else thought. Once I paid more attention to what I envisioned and got comfortable not compromising to accommodate everyone else’s opinions, decisions were easier to make. We did, however, work with the venue and catering staff to accommodate some mobility and dietary restrictions. It was important for us that key family members with specific needs could participate and be comfortable.
Aaron and I realized early on how each of us like to plan and were honest about the roles we’d each play in selecting vendors: I liked to do a lot of research and compare detailed data to narrow down our choices to the top 2-3, and then Aaron would weigh in and we’d choose together.
Having a coordinator take over 30 days before the big day was a huge help and not common. So many little choices and decisions must be made leading up to the wedding, so having all vendors speak to Lydia directly kept a lot off my plate during a stressful time. If you can have your coordinator start even a week or two ahead of the big day, it will be a huge help.
We chose vendors who we liked as people and would enjoy spending time with. Because you do spend a lot of time with them in a chaotic setting, so you want to know they’ve got their piece down, are masters at their craft and are nice people!
I felt very “me” in my wedding attire and many vendors and friends/family commented that I looked like a glamorous, elated version of myself. I leveraged my natural curly hair, did natural makeup, picked a dress that worked well for my shape, and wore flat shoes (and then changed into sneakers!). I know a lot of people dream about their wedding day for a long time, attaching to specific styles and trends. But I recommend that you make sure it honors who you truly are and doesn’t try to change or work against your natural beauty.
I talked through with my mom, sister/maid of honor and Aaron what would most likely stress me out or upset me during the wedding. There wasn’t much that I was worried about, but it was a helpful exercise to share what was most important to me and scenario plan with those would be involved in mitigating issues before it reached me.
RUTHIE & AARON’S LITTLE WHITE BOOK
Photography – Christine Ashburn Photography
Ketubah – Rachelle – The Delicate Brush {offers 10% discount to all members of Smashing The Glass’s Brides Club}
Rabbi –Rabbi Rena found through 18Doors
Wedding planner – Lydia, Stone Tavern Farm
Venue – Stone Tavern Farm
Bride’s dress – Made With Love found at Lovely Bride
Bride’s shoes – Kate Whitcomb
Bride’s accessories – Bianca Jewellers, Olive and Piper
Bridesmaids – Bill Levkoff
Hair + Makeup – Annaliese and Company
Flowers – Catskills Weddings
DJ – JTD Productions
Quartet – Stellar Strings
Catering – Lekker
Cake – Café Marguerite
Stationery/Invitation – www.minted.com, @mintedweddings, @akmarzuki (artist)
Registry – Zola
Seamstress – Sew Elegant
Smash The Glass Pouch – Smashing The Glass Etsy Shop {or join Smashing The Glass’s Brides Club and get one for free!}
If you’re a Jewish or Jew-ish bride-to-be, you’ll want to join Smashing The Glass’ Brides Club. Guided by the world’s number 1 Jewish wedding expert, Karen Cinnamon, Brides Club is the private community for Jewish and Jew-ish brides that removes wedstress and indecision and gives you what you need to plan with confidence during these uncertain times. Join our Brides Club here.
