A Groundbreaking Same-Sex Orthodox Jewish Wedding with Tons of Personal Touches at Rochdale Town Hall, UK

How We Met

We met thanks to the “shadchan of the 21st century”, the dating app Hinge.

Our early romance was complicated by geography, as Jay was dividing his time between London, Vienna and Jerusalem. Our first date took place at Tuk Tuk in London, but despite the initial spark, the practical challenges made us doubt that the relationship would develop further. An unexpected encounter at Hendon Central tube station set the relationship back on track and we both took this as a sign not to give up.

Venue

We got married at Rochdale Town Hall. As Michael’s family are based in Manchester, we wanted a venue up north. We were drawn to the idea of a listed historic building but struggled to find one that could accommodate our guest numbers with a dance floor.

After reading an article about the recent reopening of Rochdale Town Hall following a £20 million refurbishment, Michael’s mum suggested that we go and view the venue. We were met with genuine warmth and enthusiasm from their Events team. The recently restored interiors were breathtaking, historical and far more uplifting than expected. The welcome, the architecture and the generous capacity made the decision quite straightforward.

Theme

With the venue in mind, we wanted a theme that would gently complement the backdrop of the Grand Hall which is why we chose white with accents of gold. Orchids, Michael’s favourite flower, were incorporated into the chuppah and later into the table arrangements.

Although we briefly considered using a planner, we chose to manage the planning ourselves. We joined the Brides Club and valued Karen Cinnamon’s advice. Being in our thirties and with the majority of our friends already married, we received many ideas and recommendations for vendors. Michael’s brother was planning his wedding at the same time, so on a couple of occasions we benefitted from discounts by using the same vendors.

We hired a superb on-the-day coordinator, Sara Basso, who ensured that the day ran smoothly and relieved us and our families of much of the logistical stress.

Invitation/Stationery

To combine our appreciation for the traditional and the modern, we sent the wedding invitations digitally through With Joy. This enabled us to track responses via the website and allowed guests to share their photos of our day with us using a QR code. Our thank you stationery was printed through moo.com using elements designed for our wedding booklet.

Inspired by our shared love of musical theatre, we commissioned a wedding booklet designed to replicate the Playbill programmes distributed in Broadway theatres. It featured illustrations of us in our wedding attire, a “cast list” (listing us as principal cast, the rabbi and sofer as supporting cast, and our best women/groomsmen as the company), and a five-act synopsis of our love story. The booklets were designed by Katie Cronn in Manchester and printed by Digital Printing UK.

We also created a personalised wedding bencher which acted as the place-setting for each of our guests. The bencher followed the structure of the one published by the United Synagogue, with only minimal adjustments. The graphics for the bencher were designed by Georgie Huxley at PDC Manchester and incorporated gold and orchid motifs.

Outfit

The dress code was black tie, chosen for its sense of decorum and to match the splendour of the venue. We wanted to wear matching suits and also to stand out from our guests, which is why we sought white or ivory dinner jackets. Jay avoids synthetic fabrics and this was important to us when choosing the suits, so that both of us would feel comfortable.

When it came to buying the suits, we were slightly in panic mode as we had left it very late, around three weeks before the wedding. We explored Jermyn Street and found what we were looking for in Charles Tyrwhitt, where we met Steve, whose professionalism, attentive manner and knowledge of fabrics made the experience a pleasure. He explained to us how tailoring alterations would further enhance the outfits and made the necessary arrangements for these alterations to be completed within our limited timeframe.

Accessories & Shoes

During the course of the day, we went through three different pairs of shoes. For the chuppah we wore inexpensive white polyurethane dress shoes purchased from Amazon. Jay had originally wished for the traditional white kittel, but Michael preferred a more contemporary outfit. Through a friend, we consulted a United Synagogue Dayan with expertise in minhag Anglia (traditions specific to Anglo-Jewry) and we learnt that the source for wearing white at the chuppah referred specifically to a tallit and shoes, so the white shoes served as the meaningful kittel substitute.

Our formal black dress shoes were from Charles Tyrwhitt.

For the party we changed into white trainers with LED-lit soles, which illuminated during the dancing. Michael had the trainers personalised with gold lettering of our new surname.

Bridal party

We had three best women and three groomsmen. The best women chose their own outfits within the general expectations of the black-tie dress code. The groomsmen wore classic black tie and were each gifted personalised cufflinks.

Ceremony & Chuppah

Although we did not have a bedeken, we marked the moments before the chuppah in a way that felt personal and rooted in tradition. During our joint Tisch, we helped one another put on our new matching tallitot, purchased in Jerusalem during a pre-wedding visit to Israel.

The chuppah was beautifully designed by our incredibly talented florist from Verdure Floral Design, and incorporated orchids, Michael’s favourite flower. Yellow ribbons were added to symbolise the hope for the safe return of the hostages, who remained very much in our thoughts. Jay also placed his grandfather’s tallit beneath the chuppah.

The ceremony itself was unique. As we are likely the first same-sex couple to enter a halachic partnership in the United Kingdom under an orthodox rabbi, the ceremony was entirely bespoke and crafted carefully to respect the boundaries of Jewish law. We consulted various rabbis and drew inspiration from other observant same-sex couples.

Since classical kiddushin cannot be enacted between two men, we adopted the model of shutafut, the rabbinic institution of formal partnership, defined by a written agreement (shtar) and a symbolic act of joint acquisition. Our shtar outlined obligations such as exclusivity and fidelity and mirrored the moral, spiritual and communal commitments of traditional Jewish marriage, while respecting halachic integrity.

Rabbi Berkovits, one of Jay’s mentors in Jerusalem, officiated and guided us in creating a ceremony “with two halachic legs to stand on”. Rabbi Polisuk provided additional guidance, particularly on the wording of the shtar (document) that would form the basis of our halachic partnership.

Ketubah

The ketubah (or in this case, the shtar shutafut) was as intricate as the ceremony itself. It underwent over ten revisions and required Jay to re-examine Aramaic grammar and pluralising terms typically written in the singular. We commissioned Jay’s sofrut teacher, Rabbi Laimon, to write it on parchment with traditional scribal ink.

Michael prefers minimalism, so instead of ornate decorations we opted for a clean design, black lettering bordered by a gold frame. The simplicity proved striking and we ultimately decided not to embellish it further.

Our music choice

We hired a ten-piece band from Liverpool called The Twentysomethings. Daniel Houghton, the band’s Director, was very easy to work with and also helpful in recommending additional lighting design elements for the venue.

A chuppah singer joined for the ceremony and collaborated with us to balance Jay’s affection for traditional nusach Anglia (traditional tunes specific to Anglo-Jewry) with Michael’s more modern preferences. Jay was delighted to include Charles Salaman’s composition of Hariu from the Blue Book as the processional. Mi Adir was sung to the melody of I Dreamed a Dream, blending tradition with a contemporary musical influence.

The band also did a great job at Israeli dancing, which was further elevated by the attendees on Michael’s stag do, who were coached in the choreography for Mordechai Ben David’s Moshiach.

Due to our shared Zionist views, we redacted a number of artists with problematic views from the band’s repertoire. We filled this void by introducing a musical medley comprised of danceable and recognisable songs from some of our favourite shows. These were performed between the meals and went down a treat!

Flowers

Our florist was Adi Thomas of Verdure Floral Design in Manchester, supported by his partner Kai Leek. Verdure created stunning arrangements in whites and greens featuring orchids, eucalyptus, roses, peonies and other seasonal white flowers. They also provided buttonholes and table centres in the same palette. The Verdure team were excellent and ingeniously incorporated most of the chuppah decoration into the evening setup.

After the celebration, Jenna from the events team at Rochdale Town Hall came up with the brilliant idea to donate the remaining flowers to a local hospice. We were deeply touched to know that the floral arrangements went on to brighten patients’ rooms.

Photographer and videographer

Our photographer was David Stubbs, whose documentary-style approach to photography appealed to us. He has photographed Jewish weddings before, though never a same-sex Jewish ceremony. His unobtrusive manner suited us well. David worked with a second photographer on the day and captured natural, meaningful moments with minimal staging.

Our videographer was John Warhurst of New Venture Wedding Films, who was warm, accommodating and mindful of the ceremony’s particular significance. We have a fantastic six-minute highlights video of the day as well as a recording of our chuppah and speeches.

We also hired two photo booths from Booth Hire; a smaller selfie stand for the reception and a larger photo booth for the evening celebrations.

Food and cake

Fully kosher catering was non-negotiable and we chose a popular Manchester-based kosher caterer. An unexpected challenge arose when one of the local kashrut authorities declined to certify the event on account of it being a same-sex wedding. Fortunately, the caterer secured an alternative orthodox certifying body willing to supervise the food, although this authority preferred not to make their involvement public.

The menu referenced many places significant to our lives: Israel, Austria (Jay is a British-Austrian dual national), England, Scotland, the US (where Michael spent six months on a work secondment) and Japan (where Jay went on a cultural exchange programme as a teenager).

Wedding List/Registry

As we are saving to buy a home together, we preferred financial contributions in lieu of physical gifts. However, at the request of guests who felt more comfortable choosing presents, we created a modest John Lewis wish list.

Extra Details

We added a number of thoughtful touches to personalise the day. We provided guests with wooden hand-fans engraved with our names and wedding date, each one painted in a different colour of the rainbow. Our kippot echoed the same idea, a subtle grey design with a rim in one of the rainbow colours, a quiet reference to the nature of the simcha (celebration).

We put personalised hand soap dispensers in the bathrooms filled with our favourite soap (frequently complimented by visitors to our home). The bottles proved unexpectedly popular, with several guests asking whether they could take them home.

From a pre-wedding trip to Israel, we had purchased Israeli flags, which featured prominently during the dancing and in many of the photographs. The wedding took place during the war with Iran and several guests from Israel had become temporarily stranded in the UK. Incorporating the flags felt to be an important gesture of solidarity and connection. The wine we drank beneath the chuppah was poured into a personalised becher, bought and engraved in Jerusalem.

Our first dance was a particularly cherished moment. One of the best women, accompanied by the band, sang Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis in Yiddish. We had asked a renowned Yiddishist to review the wording so that the song would feel both intimate and most importantly (to Jay), grammatically correct. This made the first dance feel warm, elegant and deeply personal.

Honeymoon

We have not yet taken our full honeymoon and are still planning it. However, we did enjoy a five-day mini-moon in New York, where, due to an intense heatwave, we spent most of our time in the comfort of air-conditioning; exploring galleries and museums, seeing Broadway shows and overindulging in excellent kosher restaurants and delis.

We hope to take a full honeymoon in 2026 or 2027, ideally a cruise around Korea and Japan, which would combine the leisurely pace that Michael enjoys with the cultural and exploratory travel that Jay loves.

Advice to couples currently planning their wedding

We discovered that some of the most consequential decisions lay in the details most easily overlooked. Tables and chairs, for example, quietly shaped the entire atmosphere of the room. Many venues default to banqueting chairs and six-foot tables, which seat only eight guests comfortably. When it became clear that seven-foot tables would not fit through the hall doors, we opted to hire slimmer Chiavari chairs. This allowed us to seat ten guests per table, creating a more comfortable layout and crucially, freeing up more space for the dance floor, the bar and the photo booth. Having all these in the Great Hall was incredibly convenient!

We would also encourage couples to be realistic about time. With 180 guests, even a one-minute chat with each person would take three hours. Careful planning around speeches and formalities is essential and we found it helpful to give speakers clear time slots. That said, things can overrun, which is why having an on-the-day coordinator proved invaluable in keeping everything on track.

JAY & MICHAEL’S LITTLE WHITE BOOK

Photography – David Stubbs
Videography – New Venture Wedding Films
Venue – Rochdale Town Hall
Grooms’ outfits & shoes – Charles Tyrwhitt
Flowers – Verdure Floral Design
Band – The Twentysomethings
Stationery/Invitation – With Joy, Moo, and Digital Printing UK
Wedding List/Registry – John Lewis
Smash The Glass Pouch – Smashing The Glass Etsy Shop {or join Smashing The Glass’s Brides Club and get one for free!}
Photobooth – Booth Hire

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