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Is it ok to use vendors with no Jewish wedding experience for a Jewish wedding?

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When the first quote came in for a photographer and it was three times more than what we had budgeted for, I started to panic. Had our dreams of a relaxed, fun Jewish wedding on a budget been just that…a dream? Was it possible to have what we wanted within the constraints of our budget? I started to doubt the whole process and realised that we were now going to have to go down another route in our quest to find the vendors that would be able to create the wedding we wanted.

Rather than using vendors I had heard of from other Jewish weddings I took a different approach to my search. Using a range of wedding blogs and ‘real wedding’ write ups I collated a list of vendors that people had used and loved. Vendors  who hadn’t worked on  a Jewish wedding but had had the style of wedding we were hoping to have.

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Choosing a photographer without Jewish wedding experience

Photographs to me tell a story and should capture emotion and people in the moment. For my wedding photographs it was so important that this was the case. I was recommended Razia Jukes by my Mother in Law-to-be who had been at a wedding she was photographing. She said that she was really relaxed and the photos she had been beautiful — this all sounded perfect to me! I soon discovered that Razia features on loads of the blogs I read and I was able to see a big range of her photographs — which were exactly what I was looking for. They told a story with such emotion and love I had pretty much made up my mind before even meeting her!

Razia has never photographed  a Jewish wedding and at first this did worry me. At a Jewish wedding there are those key moments you know you want included: The badeken, the breaking of the glass, up on chairs for the Hora; and for most people knowing that the photographer knows when these moments will happen is a reassurance people want on their wedding day.  But hey, I love a challenge and when we went to meet Razia I realised that it wouldn’t be a problem. We spent a lot of the meeting talking in detail about the ceremony sharing and how the day would run. Her enthusiasm about the different components and their meaning was really reassuring and also made me even more excited about our wedding!

For Razia it isn’t ‘just another Jewish wedding’ and that makes it more special for me. I can’t wait for her to be a part of our day and to see the pictures she takes for us!

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Choosing  a  wedding venue that has never  hosted a Jewish wedding

This kind of set the ball rolling for Gid and I in our vendor search. After that initial panic we soon realised that with a bit more research, and a willingness to take risks, we could find the vendors we wanted that fitted with our theme, that were in budget and were a high quality.

I feel like now is a good time to mention that our venue, Lillibrooke Manor, has  also never hosted  a Jewish wedding and again they seem genuinely thrilled to be arranging  what they see as a new venture for them into the world of Jewish weddings. Initially they had some ideas of how we could set up our ceremony to fit everyone into the space. The ideas were focused on getting in the most amount of people rather than creating the atmosphere we were looking for. When I sat down and went through the ceremony with them they came up with a completely unique idea that we hadn’t thought of before.

They had taken from my description the importance of everyone being involved in the ceremony and that it was about being able to see what was going on just as much as being able to hear what was going on. I am so excited to bring together our vison for the wedding in the most beautiful venue. I know it is going to be incredibly magical and the venue have been really flexible and open to all of our ideas in order to bring together our Jewish wedding with the quirky, rustic barn feel that we want to achieve.

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Finding ‘the one’ – my thoughts on the wedding dress industry from a 5 ft 3, size 12 bride

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Say Yes to the Dress is not an accurate portrayal of wedding dress shopping, nor is that episode in Friends where they all go home with a perfectly fitting dress and drink beer together…. that’s what I’ve learnt. Below is a true account of my dress shopping experience — no large black pegs were used in the making of it.

Unsure of where to start, my friend Tanya, who got engaged around a similar time to me, recommended a bridal shop in Essex as a great starter shop. They stock loads of different styles and she said I would be able to really filter out what I liked and didn’t like, so I took her advice and started the hunt there.

On a delightfully dull Saturday morning, my mum, sister and mum-in-law to be set off into the depths of Essex filled with excitement. I had visions of grandiose changing rooms, champagne, plush carpets and bright lights…oh how quickly I learnt that that was not the case. I entered a world of total and utter overwhelmingness. There were so many dresses I literally didn’t know where to start.

The lady who served us was lovely and explained the different styles and I gave her my budget. I decided to try on a range of styles as I literally had no clue. After selecting the dresses we were taken to the ‘dressing room’ which was a tiny, narrow room with a curtain at one end and just enough seats for everyone. It was essentially a broom cupboard. We weren’t offered a drink and I could feel my mouth becoming drier as I became more overwhelmed by it all.

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At this point I should mention that I am 5ft3 and a size 12. Wedding dresses, unbeknown to me are made for 6ft tall, size 8 people. This was the start of what was quite frankly an exhausting, and at times depressing wedding dress shopping extravaganza that lasted about a month.

To sum up my first wedding dress shop experience, I look like a bowling pin in large ball gown dresses, mermaid style are near on impossible to walk in, and trying to picture yourself on the happiest day of your life with a woman standing behind you attempting to hold you in, do not scream out the romantic, wonderful experience I had imagined.

The second shop on the list (same day I might add, and I recommend you don’t do that, it was exhausting) was still in Essex and I had decided to go because they stocked a designer I liked. This wedding dress shop, amazingly, was worse than the first. Not only did they not have a toilet (we were instructed that the Pie & Eel shop next door were happy for us to use theirs) but there were no private changing rooms. I had to come out in an ill-fitting, ugly dress in the middle of shop with strangers staring at me! This is literally my idea of hell on earth.

The wedding diet was a non-starter at this point and quite frankly I do not love my body. I have lumps and bumps and my tummy sticks out. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, least of all squeezed into a size 8 glittered up mermaid dress. I find it quite amazing that brides like me are forced to make decisions about the most important item of clothing they will ever buy when the thing doesn’t fit. How do I know if I will be comfortable in it for 11 hours when at this moment in time it is cutting my arm pit like razor blades and the zip hasn’t gone past by bum!

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Real Jewish Brides: Introducing Fran + Gideon… how they met to the present day

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Marriage for me is something I have always wanted. It symbolises family and unity and from being a young girl I can remember always wanting to get married. Although Gid and I own a house, and after we get married nothing in our daily lives will change, for me it is a bond. A way of telling each other and the world that we are here, together, forever.

I always remember my dad saying to me once, after a break-up when I was 16 that “you will be the luckiest person in the world if you find someone who makes you as happy as your mum makes me” and to me, Gideon is that person and for me marriage is about telling the world and telling him.

Gid and I first met about 6 and a half years ago. We had started mixing in the same social circles and I had seen him a few times at our friends flat but we had never spoken much. We first properly spoke at a Halloween party where I was dressed as a leopard and Gid was, ironically, dressed as a husband with a ball and chain round his ankle. I remember him telling me that leopards hunt in trees (great chat). After that night Gid and I started messaging on Facebook and we hung out a few times. On a night out at Bar Solo in Camden for our friend Gemma’s birthday we had our first kiss. There has not been a day since then that we haven’t spoken.

Our first proper date was to watch Gid’s sister play a gig in Camden and I remember thinking, wow this guy and his family are pretty cool! I think I’m going to like him! That was until the second date when after a meal at Ask we headed to the cinema. Gid hadn’t finished his garlic bread so took a doggy bag which he then tried to take into the cinema. When they said no he asked them to keep it behind the counter-sure enough he actually went back after the film and ate it! At that point I realised he wasn’t quite as cool as I thought but he was definitely the one for me!

Over the course of the next six years we have been on an amazing adventure together. Building our lives and dealing with both the good and the bad together. Gid is very romantic (despite what he tells other people!) and loves our time together to be special and unique and that is one of the many reasons I know I’m so lucky to have him in my world. We love to get away from London together and to try new and exciting things. We have also been through challenging times together where things have looked rocky and uncertain, however, we have always said that as we have got through those times we know we are meant to be together.

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At times things have been really difficult and I wasn’t always sure we would get through certain things. My inability to move after having all my wisdom teeth out wasn’t easy and Gid really struggled with how little I could do/say. He became increasingly fed up of making sweet potato mash with cottage cheese which is all I ate and I worried if he struggled with this what would happen if I was really ill! However, we have always pulled through and I do believe that it does make us stronger and more resilient to what life has thrown at us and will continue to do. What I love is that with all of these challenges we face, we get to face them together and for me that is what marriage is about. The good and the bad times, facing the world together and supporting each other through anything.

Having lived together in a rented flat in East Finchley for a year and a half, Gid and I decided to move in with parents so we could save money to buy our own place. We knew it was the right decision but also knew that all four of us living under the same room was going to be intense. I felt like I was a child again and Gid felt he was a visitor. It was at times incredibly hard time for us (and my parents) and we had to remain strong despite having very little space that we could call our own. Although I do have the best parents in the world and they did do everything to make it as good as it could be. What was meant to be a 6 month stay ended up being 13 months and in the middle of it all Gid decided to propose…

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