We love it when a couple plans a Jewish wedding that’s thoroughly, completely them. Which is exactly what Sarah, a bioethicist for a non-profit advocating for dignity at the end of life, and Joshua, a patient care manager for a specialty pharmacy, did.
They involved friends and family in their day as much as possible, and even their venue, Crested Hen Farms, is located in New York’s Catskills, where the groom grew up. Lots of vendors came from the pair’s own circles: the couple found their photographer, Sloane Dakota, through a friend of a friend, and Joshua grew up with videographer Sam Falconi. It was important to Sarah and Joshua to have an egalitarian ceremony – each circled the other three times, and they did one circle together – and they had special people in their lives bless them with the Sheva Brachot.
We’re especially in love with Sarah and Joshua’s incredible hamsa ketubah, featuring gorgeous stained glass elements and sunset colors, which they worked to design alongside Britt Yudel of Smashing The Glass Recommended Vendor BritColors. In Sarah’s words, “Britt was so amazing in how she helped make our vision a reality. Our ketubah very much feels like our hearts living outside of our bodies in the form of original art.”
Now over to Sarah, who looked so elegant in her ivory crepe gown from designer Robert Bullock…
How we Met
Sarah, the bride: We met in New York City at a synagogue named Romemu on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Joshua had been attending Romemu for years, since it was founded in 2006, and Sarah started attending after she moved to the city for graduate school in bioethics, in the fall of 2015. They were both in relationships at the time that Sarah started attending. One day that Fall, Sarah brought a friend from school to shabbat services on Friday night, who elbowed her and said, “Sarah, look at that guy…I want a partner like that.” Joshua doesn’t remember making eye-contact with Sarah, but she remembers it vividly. We didn’t meet until three years later.
We officially greeted each other in that same Friday-night shabbat space at Romemu in June of 2018, with a smile and a big hug. Most everyone else had left the space for the night, and Joshua was slowly packing up his things. Sarah was helping to tidy up in preparation for shabbat services the next morning. When she saw Joshua, they made eye contact again, and she introduced herself: “Hi, I’ve seen you around but I don’t think we’ve actually met. I’m Sarah. Shabbat shalom.” Joshua smiled, introduced himself, and gave her the biggest, warmest hug.
From there, they slowly started to circle in each other’s orbit, joining community potluck meals and striking up a friendship. By the early spring of 2019, Joshua asked Sarah if she wanted to join him at an event by his favorite Israeli Rabbi, Reb Doniel Katz. But Sarah didn’t realize that Reb Katz’ event was a date… until Joshua again asked her to join him at a performance of Freestyle Love Supreme – an improv comedy rap performance led by Hamilton’s creator, Lin-Manuel Miranda – at 10pm on a Monday. They ended up going on fun dates for about a month — like going to the Morgan Museum and eating sushi at Kazu Nori (delicious, highly recommend when you are in Manhattan!) – before they shared their first kiss.
Joshua had always desired a partnership that was rooted in seeing what was possible to create in a relationship instead of what’s lacking. Sarah always yearned for a kindred spirit to share life with and grow old together, surrounded by family and community. Today, there remains an underlying resonance of the importance of Judaism to both Sarah and Joshua. Since the beginning, with Sarah’s “Shabbat Shalom,” everything that encompasses Shabbat and larger Jewish life cycle events creates an underlying foundation in their lives. Shabbat, for example, is an important pause from the working bustle of their life, arriving every week like the steady beat of a metronome.
An Outdoor Venue
We were married at Crested Hen Farms, located in High Falls, New York in the bucolic Catskills area of the Hudson Valley. Joshua grew up in that area, which is where his parents still reside, and we happen to drive past the venue every time we visit them. We loved how the Crested Hen is named after a Polish chicken with a sassy top-knot of feathers, and how the property is next to the Rondout Creek, which offers a beautiful tranquillity to the space. The land slopes down toward the creek, and provides a grassy flat area next to the gentle flowing water. The way the land slopes creates a natural amphitheatre in between two two-hundred-year-old oak trees that arch over and provide a canopy of leaves. We knew the moment we toured the property that this space was very special, and we wanted our chuppah to be placed in that natural sanctuary.
Autumnal Vibes
Our color scheme was inspired by autumn on the east coast – our favorite season. We wanted to create an ambiance that felt stylish, old-world romantic, colorful but not overpowering, minimalist yet enchanting. Sarah comes from several generations of artists, so she opted to hand-select with Joshua every element of the wedding, from creating their own wedding invitations to consciously choosing people from their community of friends to contribute to their wedding.
Invitations / stationery
We created a custom design with Truly Engaging by Magnet Street. We wanted to create an invitation that contained the essence of what we wanted to experience under our chuppah, so we customized a circle of branches to include the phrase ‘Ani L’Dodi V’Dodi Li’ – I am my Beloved’s and my Beloved is mine. The raised rose gold foil was an especially beautiful custom touch.
Hair + Make-up
It took me some time to figure out what look I wanted for our wedding day. I went through a couple of makeup trials to figure out that I wanted to glow and not have my features weighed down with heavy accent make-up. I was happy my stylist, Studio One Hair Design, convinced me to go with fake eyelashes, as I love how it made my eyes pop in photos and added dramatic flair to my look. For my hair, I wanted to wear a style that would last all day, and who doesn’t love long curls?
Dress
My dress is an ivory crepe beauty from designer Robert Bullock. I tried on many, many dresses across different stores. Through trial and error of different styles, I learned that dresses with a lot going on, like a lot of lace, really distracted instead of elevated my natural beauty. My mom described it perfectly, even though it was hard to hear at the time: all of those dresses were “wearing” me, and not allowing me to shine.
This learning process helped me discover that I actually wanted a dress in a very specific style: ivory crepe material, off the shoulder with a sweetheart neckline, buttons down the back, moderate dress train. It was very hard to find this dress, and I was overjoyed when I found it.
Accessories
I love a gold accent moment, and I was so excited to find these hairpins on Etsy that are literally gold leaves as a hair pin. My friends commented that they made me look like a Greek goddess. I wore a chapel-length scallop lace veil with a blusher, which I had no idea about until I tried on my wedding dress for alterations. My dress was so elegant yet simple, I realized that a basic veil only added fabric, but not elegance, so I wanted to add an accent of lace with the scallop edge, which completed the look perfectly.
Shoes
Because my wedding dress was floor-length and we were getting married outside, I didn’t feel a need to find a pair of extravagant wedding shoes. I wanted something that was comfortable but elegant, and my pair of nude Italeau‘s were so easy to wear, I danced in them all night long!
The handsome groom
Joshua opted to wear a midnight blue tuxedo from Generation Tux. The whole outfit ensemble was supplied by Generation Tux, and every element, down to the shoes and cufflinks, were perfect. He looked so dapper in his tux and tallis! I love how his choice of tux beautifully complemented the classically romantic, elegant yet rustic look toward which we aimed.
Bridesmaids
I had four bridesmaids, who looked absolutely gorgeous in their dresses from David’s Bridal. They indulged my love of the off-the-shoulder look. I really wanted their dresses to tie the autumn theme together with a romantic elegance.
An Egalitarian Ceremony
There were so many beautiful moments during our chuppah ceremony! Joshua and I wanted an egalitarian ceremony, so I circled him three times, he did the same for me, and we circled once together. My maternal grandmother passed a month and a half before our wedding, so it was especially meaningful to invoke our beloved ancestors at the beginning of the ceremony. I felt their love throughout. It was also incredibly sweet to have special people in our lives bless us with the Sheva Brachot.
Ketubah
We co-created our ketubah design with Britt Yudel, of BritColors, a STG vendor. Britt was so amazing in how she helped make our vision a reality. Our ketubah very much feels like our hearts living outside of our bodies in the form of original art. We ended up being very intentional with the design, and many of the design elements were inspired by the obstacles both Joshua and I have faced in their respective lives: Joshua has faced enormous health challenges throughout his life, being diagnosed with severe hemophilia as an infant, and attributes his current happiness to being able to overcome these obstacles; I’ve faced trauma and loss with the premature death of my aunt when I was a teenager, my mother’s cancer diagnosis two months after my aunt passed away, and the recent loss of my maternal grandmother.
The hamsa signifies protection, and inserting our ketubah text inside the hamsa felt like we were placing loving bubble wrap around our union. We loved the stained glass elements with sunset colors – they felt especially vivid, and makes the ketubah feel like it’s actually a living document. The lotus underneath the hamsa symbolizes a bloom resilient from growing in mud. And finally, the border text at the base of the hamsa says “Ani L’Dodi V’ Dodi Li” – “I am my Beloved’s and my Beloved is mine.”
Chuppah
Our chuppah was crafted from white birch trees local to the High Falls area, which were a wedding gift from a family friend. We wanted a rustic feel, with minimalist greenery, delicate ivory roses and a pop of color with Sarah’s tallis.
Our Music Choice
We are very fortunate to know some incredible musicians whom we are lucky enough to call our friends. Our friends Barbara & Keith played flute and guitar, respectively, for the pre-processional and ceremony. Joshua walked down the aisle with his mother to the instrumental version of ‘Thinking Out Loud’ by Ed Sheeran, and Sarah walked with her oldest sister Catherine to the instrumental version of ‘Rewrite the Stars’ from the Greatest Showman movie. ‘Rewrite the Stars’ really embodied how they’ve overcome these challenges with resilience and have found such joy in the process—and besides, it’s just so beautiful when played on the flute!
Flowers
This past year, my mother – who lives in California – has been going through some intensive cancer treatments. I discovered The Bouqs Co. to send her a bouquet of flowers every month. Miraculously, she’s now in remission. And I learned how great it is to work with Bouqs to order flowers. I wanted to incorporate dried flowers into our floral vision, and Bouqs’ Velvet Collection captured everything so well.
Our dear friend Jamie made our floral vision come to life: she put every flower in place, and did an incredible job. Jamie made the process easy, and also loved when I threw unconventional elements her way – like having 14” gold hoops for bridesmaid bouquets! My mom had seen this way of styling flowers on Martha Stewart’s magazine, and I immediately felt in love.
Photographer and videographer
As with pretty much every other element of our wedding, we wanted it to be organically homegrown with love by our community, so we tapped into our talented friend group to make our wedding day extra special. We were referred to our photographer through a friend of a friend, and loved the sense of light, texture and play in Sloane Dakota’s work. Joshua grew up with our videographer Sam Falconi, who happens to be a particularly cool dude and extremely talented cinematographer. Our wedding guests said watching Sam film our wedding day was like watching an expert tai chi master embody his craft.
Food and Cake
Our wedding was well-loved with the support of our community. Close family friends of Joshua’s family, The Big Cheese, created a Mediterranean feast—the food was so good, he went back for seconds and Sarah managed to eat a whole plate (I know, unheard of for a bride, right??). Our guests loved the food as well and raved about how tasty and nourishing it was.
We opted for a local plant-based organic baker, who started her cake business during the COVID-19 pandemic. Sarah’s matron of honor discovered Home Kitchen by Charlotte at a street fair in Stone Ridge, New York and insisted that we try her cakes. At our cake tasting, we were blown away by how delightful Charlotte’s cakes are. We opted for her gluten free and vegan “Reminiscence Cake” with a vanilla vegan buttercream – and let’s be honest, we are still drooling over this cake! There were only crumbs left by the end of the night, and with good reason!
Entertainment
There were several elements to this. Part of Sarah’s family is Scottish, so one day she asked Joshua, what if we got a bagpiper to play while guests are arriving? As luck would have it… Joshua knew just the guy – his childhood friend’s father who lived a mile away from the venue! We joked that he could pipe his way over the hill in a kilt. The photo of him with the overcast sky really made it look like he *was* in Scotland. We had just finished signing our ketubah when he started to play. It was magical.
For the reception, we hired a DJ from A Starry Night Music. What turned out to be really special about this vendor was DJ Carol, the founder. She puts an incredible amount of attention to detail for your event, and was a delight to work with. From the very beginning, she emphasized that she was there to help us be a guest at our own wedding. Happily, her husband and musical partner Beledo is a world renowned flamenco guitarist, so we were inspired to have him play for our cocktail hour. During the reception meal, DJ Carol played music from one of Sarah’s favorite modern classical composers, Ludovico Einaudi.
The hora was epic. It went on for close to an hour. We wanted a longer hora, but had only asked for about 20 minutes! The joy of our friends and family kept the energy alive, and we just kept dancing. Our friends spontaneously created a schtick for us—they pulled up chairs and made us sit as they performed for us!
Honey Favors
Sarah’s long-time family friend, Liane, happens to be a New York City beekeeper at NYC Beekeeping. There’s a tradition for some newlywed couples to eat their challah on shabbat with honey instead of salt for the first year of marriage. In line with our theme of tapping into our community, Sarah felt inspired to provide this form of sweetness as a wedding favor to each of our guests. Liane was delighted to oblige, and she went above and beyond with styling the honey favors: she hand-selected the navy blue ribbon and added a wax seal engraved with our initials. The attention to detail was truly so touching!
Liane’s honey favors also beautiful complemented the namestones. Sarah wanted each guest to have more than a paper name card and was excited to upcycle something natural into something special. So, in the weeks leading up to the wedding, Sarah found 2” stones that she hand painted and decorated the calligraphy herself.
Extra details
Sarah wrote her vows as a narrative, from her point of view, of how she and Joshua’s story unfolded. She stayed up until 3am the night before the wedding finishing her vows. She included elements from when they first met – and Joshua’s infamous hugs – to their first date, to what her love for Joshua means to her. Our friends came up to us after, saying they wanted to frame a copy of Sarah’s vows.
To conclude our chuppah ceremony, we asked our Rabbi to direct our guests to form an archway with their fingertips. Then we ran through their arms on our way to our yichud – moment of seclusion.
The six speeches at the reception meal were also phenomenal: Catherine, Joshua’s mother and stepfather, my matron of honor, his best man, and a bridesmaid and groomsman. What emerged as a beautiful theme was the power of stories. Each of these six speeches told a story about different stages of our lives: from growing up, to making our way in the world, and how we show up for our friends. Each speech gave so much depth and meaning to our wedding day, and we can’t wait to see the video playbacks of every speech.
Honeymoon
We spent a week in Mexico’s Quintana Roo, and it was so beautiful down there! Everyone was so friendly, and the weather and food were incredible. We stayed in Cancun for the first and last nights of our trip, and travelled to Tulum, Playa Del Carmen, Chichén Itzá… really made the use of those 8 days! If you’re ever in Playa Del Carmen, be sure to stay at Magic Blue Spa & Boutique Hotel – it’s amazing!
Advice to couples currently planning their wedding
They say that planning a wedding is stressful, and unfortunately that is mostly true. What surprised me most was that what I expected to be stressful didn’t end up being stressful, and other issues became much more challenging (specifically related to COVID-19 protocols). The planning process will challenge you and your partner to work as a team and figure out what your priorities are—whether it’s budget related, or regarding the energy of your big day. So, the best piece of advice I can offer: be sure to communicate with your partner frequently, make sure you both are on the same page about making decisions, and most importantly, don’t be afraid to hold firm boundaries when it really matters to you.
While planning my wedding, I heard that the couples who experience the most joy on their wedding day have made the hardest choices in the planning process. This is especially true in our new COVID-19 adjusted normal. Challenges will inevitably arise, but don’t be afraid to tackle them. And, ultimately, the wedding day is about you and your beloved – don’t be afraid to prioritize that. Remember – you and your partner deserve to be a guest at your own wedding.
SARAH & JOSHUA’S LITTLE WHITE BOOK
Photography – Sloane Dakota Photography
Videography / Cinematographer – Sam Falconi
Ketubah – BritColors {offers 10% discount to all members of Smashing The Glass’s Brides Club}
Venue – Crested Hen Farms
Bride’s dress – Robert Bullock
Bride’s shoes – Italeau
Bride’s accessories – engagement ring and wedding band by Artemer, Etsy
Groom’s attire – Generation Tux, Brooks Brothers, H.P.F Christopher
Bridesmaids – David’s Bridal
Hair + Makeup – Studio One Hair Design
Flowers – The Bouqs Co.
DJ- DJ Carol and Beledo at A Starry Night Music
Catering – The Big Cheese
Cake – Home Kitchen by Charlotte
Stationery/Invitation – Magnet Street
Rabbi – Shir Yaakov of Kol Hai, New Paltz New York
Favors – Jars of honey with custom wax seal by Liane Newton of NYC Beekeeping
If you’re a Jewish or Jew-ish bride-to-be, you’ll want to join Smashing The Glass’ Brides Club. Guided by the world’s number 1 Jewish wedding expert, Karen Cinnamon, Brides Club is the private community for Jewish and Jew-ish brides that removes wedstress and indecision and gives you what you need to plan with confidence during these uncertain times. Join our Brides Club here.
