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Love Knows No Boundaries: Navigating Interfaith Jewish Wedding Celebrations

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Styled by La Fête ｜Photo by Divine Day Photography

This is a guest post by Charlotte Ricard-Quesada, Founder & Creative Director of La Fête. She is passionate about helping her couples craft meaningful Jewish and interfaith Jewish weddings in the UK, Italy, France, Spain, and beyond. Today she’s channeling her wisdom into some great tips about how to plan a beautiful celebration that honors both of your backgrounds. Even if you and your partner are both Jewish, if you come from different cultural or international backgrounds lots of these tips will be relevant – so read on!

Love is a universal language, transcending borders, cultures, and religions. In an increasingly interconnected world, interfaith marriages are becoming more common, celebrating the beauty of diversity and the unity of love. While navigating these celebrations can be intricate, the result is a unique and deeply meaningful ceremony that honours both partners’ backgrounds. Here, we explore how to plan and execute an interfaith Jewish wedding that respects and celebrates the traditions of both partners.

Susie-Axel-Pavillon-Dauphine-Paris-France

Susie and Axel’s Jewish wedding, planned by La Fête ｜Photo by Dream Prod

Embracing Dual Heritage

The key to a successful celebration lies in understanding and respecting both traditions. This journey begins with open and honest conversations between the couple and their families. Discussing each person’s expectations, non-negotiables, and the elements they hold dear ensures that both faiths are represented and honoured. In many scenarios that I have dealt with, couples and families need to be as clear as possible from the start about their way of living their religion, and the rituals or traditions that are important for each one. Some families have a more paired-back vision of religious practice and this needs to be considered, without affecting the other party.

Rebecca & Emmanuel, Villa Luisa, Seville, Spain

Rebecca and Emmanuel’s Jewish wedding, planned by La Fête ｜Photo by Juan Luis Morilla

Finding Common Ground

The beauty of any wedding lies in finding common ground and creating a ceremony that reflects the couple’s unique love story. Start by identifying shared values and themes that resonate with both traditions. For example, the importance of family, love, and community are universal concepts that can be beautifully woven into the wedding ceremony.

Rebecca & Emmanuel, Villa Luisa, Seville, Spain

Rebecca and Emmanuel’s Jewish wedding, planned by La Fête ｜Photo by Juan Luis Morilla

Seeking Guidance

Consulting with clergy from both faiths can provide invaluable insights and help in blending the ceremonies seamlessly. Many rabbis and religious leaders have experience with interfaith weddings and can offer guidance on how to incorporate elements from both traditions respectfully. This collaborative approach not only enriches the ceremony but also provides a deeper understanding of each other’s faiths. Many times, when it has been interfaith weddings, I have had a rabbi and priest, or a rabbi and a vicar for example creating this beautifully unique ceremony.

Rebecca & Emmanuel, Villa Luisa, Seville, Spain

Rebecca and Emmanuel’s Jewish wedding, planned by La Fête ｜Photo by Juan Luis Morilla

The Chuppah

A central element in a Jewish wedding, the chuppah represents the couple’s future home, open to guests and family. Including a chuppah in an interfaith ceremony is a beautiful way to honour Jewish tradition. Personalise the chuppah with meaningful decorations, such as family heirlooms or symbols from both faiths, to represent the union of two cultures.

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How to Craft Your Perfect Interfaith or Jew-ish Wedding Ceremony {with 18Doors}

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Photo by @paramountsight

If you’re planning an interfaith ceremony – or a not-so-traditional Jewish one – it can be hard to know where to start. The fact that there’s no set template to follow can be freeing, but it can also be overwhelming. 

That’s why I’m so excited to share a wonderful wedding ceremony planning tool designed specifically for couples planning interfaith and/or unconventional Jewish weddings. 18Doors, a wonderful nonprofit organization that supports interfaith Jewish couples and families, has launched a DIY Wedding Ceremony Script Builder that makes it easy to explore the key traditions of a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony. With the tool, you can figure out which Jewish traditions speak to you – and which might not – to craft a ceremony that feels true to who you are as a couple, and as a new Jew-ish family. 

If you’ve opted to have a friend or relative officiate your wedding instead of a rabbi or cantor with experience in advising ceremony structure, the wedding ceremony script builder is an invaluable tool.  And did I mention that it’s 100% free to use?!

Photo by Charlotte Watts Photography 

How It Works

To get started, you’ll have access to short videos explaining different components of the Jewish wedding ceremony featuring real footage submitted by interfaith couples from their own Jew-ish weddings. You’ll not only get a brief overview of what the tradition is and what it symbolizes, but you’ll also be able to see modern spins couples have chosen to put on them. 

Once you’ve had a chance to familiarize yourself with the traditions and think what might be good to include in your own wedding, you’ll fill out a short form before being directed to the custom script builder. This tool was created by 18Doors with generous funding from the Jewish Federation of Greater Atlanta. 

Photo by @1028photo

The custom script builder tool will allow you to choose traditions you wish to include to your script, and offer multiple text options for your officiant for each tradition. With a few simple clicks, you can build your ceremony from start to finish and hand it off to your officiant. Whether you’re looking to go modern or traditional, to speak to classical Jewish symbolism or more universal motifs, you’ll be able to choose language that reflects your relationship and the marriage you’re creating. 

Photo by Lacey Gabrielle

For example, as an introductory remark under the chuppah, the script builder presents three different text options:

Option A

________ and ________ stand underneath this chuppah, the Jewish wedding canopy, today as a symbol of the home they have built and will continue to build together. The chuppah reminds us of the Jewish patriarch Abraham and matriarch Sarah who opened their tent to welcome in anyone who passed by. Today, this couple invites you to witness one of the most transitional moments in their lives as they combine their families into one. May they be blessed in doing so under this holy structure.

Option B

In all Jewish weddings, the chuppah acts as a temporary structure that reminds us of how far the Jewish people have come from nomadic times in search of permanence. Today the chuppah shows the community’s supportive role in celebrating this marriage, as this couple creates a permanence in their relationship today. May _____ and ______ build their home in a way that mirrors this chuppah, and allows them to continue to be open to the community that surrounds them.

Option C

Surrounded by those you love, and who love and support you both, you stand underneath this chuppah, the Jewish wedding canopy, the symbol of the home. This home, a unique blend of each of your backgrounds and cultures, is open on all sides, welcoming others to enter into our lives and reminding us that we are part of a larger community. May your home be a shelter against the storm, a haven of peace, a stronghold of faith and love.

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Everything You Need to Know about Planning an Interfaith Jewish Wedding {Facebook Live Recap with 18Doors}

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Planning a Jewish wedding can be tricky. Planning an interfaith Jewish wedding? Even trickier. That’s why I’m so happy to share my latest Facebook Live all about how to plan your perfect celebration, one that combines your two backgrounds in a unique way that’s totally, 100% you.

On this Live, I spoke with Rabbi Robyn Frisch and Nicole Wasilus of 18Doors, a wonderful organization dedicated to empowering interfaith couples and families to engage in Jewish life. No one knows more about interfaith Jewish weddings than these two, and I learned so much from speaking with them.

If you’re in the midst of planning your own interfaith celebration, or suspect you might be soon, you can’t do any better than to watch the recording of this fantastic session – and for easy browsing, I’ve recapped the highlights for you below.

There’s so much information to be gleaned from this Live, but if you’ve got a particular question that isn’t answered, please don’t hesitate to reach out to the wonderful 18Doors team – they’ve got 26 rabbinic fellow spread throughout US and Canada, and they’d love to help you out however they can, wherever you are in the world. 18 Doors’ sole mission is to help interfaith Jewish couples and families, so this is really what they’re here for!

Read on for some of Rabbi Robyn and Nicole’s interfaith wedding wisdom…

Getting Started

Rabbi Robyn and Nicole emphasized that, at the very beginning of wedding planning, it’s important to start by talking to your partner and hearing what they have to say. You should do this before you reach out to officiants, and before you start involving your families.

What exactly might you want to discuss? Consider talking through the following:

  • Which traditions from your background are important to you, and are there any that aren’t?
  • Is there anything about your partner’s tradition that you’d especially like to include, or that would make you uncomfortable to include?
  • Is there anything you especially liked or didn’t like from other weddings you’ve attended?
  • Are there any important people you’d like to honor in your wedding? What are some ways you might like to do that?

Rabbi Robyn and Nicole also recommend checking out Anita Diamant’s The Jewish Wedding Now for reference and ideas.

Above all, it’s important to start having these conversations early, and to keep communication open throughout the planning process.

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Everything You Need to Know about Planning an Interfaith Jewish Wedding {with 18Doors}

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Here at Smashing The Glass, we get so many questions from couples looking for guidance on planning their interfaith Jewish weddings. Wedding planning can be a daunting process for anyone, but interfaith couples can face all kinds of extra challenges, from navigating tricky family situations to simply not having a clear roadmap for what your ceremony might look like.
 
That’s why I’m so excited to tell you that this Wednesday, May 19, at 9:00 am PDT / 12:00 pm EDT / 5:00 pm GST, I’ll be chatting on Facebook with Rabbi Robyn Frisch and Nicole Wasilus of 18 Doors, a wonderful organization dedicated to empowering interfaith couples and families to engage in Jewish life, all about how to plan your perfect interfaith Jewish wedding.  

Some of the topics we’ll cover include:

  • Starting the conversation about what’s important to each of you in planning out your ceremony
  • Choosing an officiant
  • Special considerations for interfaith couples planning a wedding (for example, ketubot)
  • Examples of creative touches interfaith couples have used to incorporate background of partner or put a spin on Jewish tradition
  • Advice for navigating family conflict 
  • Discussion of the traditional elements of a Jewish ceremony and what considerations interfaith couples may want to make when deciding whether or not to include each one
  • Understanding elements of the Jewish ceremony in an interfaith way 

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How to talk to your family about marrying a non-Jewish partner

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By Sara Gibbs (All images are from the author’s Jew-ish wedding)

I always assumed I would marry a Jewish man. Even though I wasn’t religious, I grew up with a strong sense of culture and belonging. My father was Israeli, my mother, a Habonim alum from north London. While other families celebrated Christmas, I looked forward to feasting on doughnuts, spinning dreidels and eight days of presents (this bears repeating – eight days of presents – what you got on that, Santa?). My September birthday was frequently, and notably, ruined by coinciding with Yom Kippur, and then magically repaired with the breaking of the fast (what better way to break a fast than with birthday cake?). I loved helping to build the sukkah, failing to blow the shofar, searching for the afikoman. I loved my friends at cheder, I loved the songs, and the rituals and the togetherness – the unique warmth of a Jewish family.

I was going to marry a Jewish man, because I wanted a Jewish home. I wanted to have Jewish babies and raise them in a house full of the music of my culture, the foods, the beautiful bickering – anything else was unthinkable.

marrying-out
Love chooses you

The thing about love, though, is that you don’t choose it – it chooses you. At university, I met a Jewish man, a fellow vegetarian and bohemian type, who, on paper, was perfect (and who, to this day, remains one of my closest and most important friends). But for all his convenient Jewishness, true love didn’t choose us.

We parted ways and I moved to London, where, in my very first job, I met an initially very surly IT manager, who was raised at an international school in Saudi Arabia. He was grouchy and didn’t seem to like me at all. And, in return, I didn’t like him one bit (that’ll teach him). But over much political debate, and him coming to the rescue when I managed to kill my poor, overworked laptop, this incredibly kind, startlingly intelligent, warm-hearted man was revealed to me. All grouchiness subsided – I’d read him all wrong. I had accidentally discovered a diamond – one of the last good ones. A man who would cook and clean and support my dreams with unconditional love and unfathomable patience. He wasn’t Jewish – but it didn’t matter. I was in love.Continue ReadingContinue Reading