Sarah will be marrying Rich on 20th June 2021 at Tikitano Beach, Marbella, Spain. Click here to read all Sarah’s planning posts to date.
THREE FACTS: (1) Sarah knew Rich was the one when he brought a gift of dog treats for her toy poodle Nuala along to their fourth date! (2) They are crafting an amazing destination wedding weekend in Marbella with beloved Smashing The Glass Recommended vendor optimum weddings as their planner. (3) Sarah is a member of Smashing The Glass’s Brides Club!
So, since my last blog post was written and published in March, a lot has changed! I look back now and find it surreal that I was writing about being optimistic about sticking to our June 2020 date and how it would all be ok. Needless to say, that is not exactly how it played out in the weeks that followed.
A few weeks ago Richard and I had to make the hardest decision yet, to postpone our wedding. We initially spoke to our amazing wedding planner Dyana from optimum weddings and we decided to pencil in September 2020.
However, after looking at the somewhat bleak possibility of Covid-19 being resolved by then, the chances of everyone being able to fly to Marbella and the general stress of being in the “will it or wont it’ category (known as wedding limbo), we decided to do what was best for our guests’ health and our sanity and we postponed until 20th June 2021.
Switching into Autopilot
When we decided to postpone for a year, we got off the phone from the meeting with our wedding planner and I burst into tears. I was so upset and so angry. How could this actually be happening? How could I have planned for every possible problem which we might encounter and now this was completely out of my hands and my control. I wanted to bury myself in self-pity and just feel sorry for myself.
However, the strange thing about humans is that we have a survival instinct which always kicks in. As soon as I had started crying, I had stopped and I switched into planning mode. Who did we have to call, how could I help Dyana to secure all of our vendors for our new date when demand was likely to be exceptionally high and how best to word a WhatsApp message or email to all of our guests. This became my new mission, almost like planning the first time around but with a greater sense of purpose and urgency.
By some miracle, and without a doubt mostly down to the incredible work of Dyana and Jessica, we managed to rearrange everything within 48 hours. I sat back and thought ok so what’s next?
It’s Ok to Not be Ok
What was next was that I realised that my mission, so to speak was complete, auto-pilot switched off and I actually had to face the reality. The reality wasn’t great to be honest. There were plenty of arguments between Richard and I over ridiculous things because truthfully I was feeling cheated, not by him, but by this virus. I was stressed, I wasn’t sleeping and I was incredibly irritable.
Then came the “first of the firsts” as I like to refer to it. April 1st and the day when I was meant to be going to Mirror Mirror to try on my beautiful dress for the first time and have my first fitting. I felt a real sense of loss and pure disappointment. I had been so excited to try on my dress and start what was meant to be the final countdown to our wedding.
I spent most of that morning feeling pretty low and emotional, but also guilty because I was upset over a dress fitting when people were falling gravely ill with the virus. I told myself to put it into perspective and to just be grateful that I was healthy, that Richard was healthy and that our close family and friends were healthy.
The truth is, postponing a wedding doesn’t need to be rationalised or put into perspective. Yes it might not be the end of the world, but you have every right to grieve for the wedding which you were so close to having. Just because it will still happen next year, it doesn’t mean that as a bride, as a groom or as a couple that you aren’t allowed to feel sad or any range of emotions.
There is no manual for “How to Feel when Covid-19 Crashes Your Wedding” and so there is no expected way to feel or behave. You just need to be yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you may have brewing inside of you.
The Rainbow After the Storm
By allowing myself to be upset and process the enormity of postponing our wedding by a year, I managed to move from the anger and grief stage to acceptance in just over a week. I was hit by a huge wave of relief. I no longer had to stay up late or wake up multiple times during the night to check the news regarding the Corona cases in Marbella or the travel restrictions.
I could just relax and look forward to lead up to my wedding once more. The box of invitations sitting ready to be posted in my mum’s living room were a constant reminder but it is ok because they will be reprinted, my dress will be sitting in Mirror Mirror waiting for me next year and it will be just as beautiful then as it is now, and everything is now in place for the 20th June 2021.
With a great sigh of relief, I took a deep breath, re-found my smile and did a little dance to embrace the fact that I could be a normal bride again!
Being a part of Brides’ Club and Smashing the Glass really helped me during this process because I realised that I was not alone. I had and still have an army of the strongest, most beautiful brides by my side who are going through exactly the same thing and that is worth more than anything.
I don’t think anyone can truly understand what it feels like to have to postpone your wedding by a year when you are only three months away from it, but the other Brides in Brides Club can and they did and their support was incredible. Karen was our fearless leader who almost became head bridal therapist and she was there to help me whenever I asked for it, no matter what time of day or day of the week it was.
I was also so lucky to have such an amazing wedding planner and such supportive vendors who were more than happy to help and accommodate us. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I must have called Dyana and just how wonderful, practical and caring she was.
So, reflecting back now, I think the best advice I can give a bride or couple going through this is, find yourself a support network, whether that’s Smashing the Glass, your wedding planner or just your friends and family, because it makes everything that bit easier. Make sure that you allow yourself to just be you and embrace your feelings, whatever they may be. Ultimately, just remember that it is ok to not be ok for that moment.
There are going to be some beautiful weddings in 2021. They will be that bit more special because we will have all had to wait that bit longer to marry the loves of our lives. We will party that much harder, laugh that bit more and truly appreciate every minute of our special day even more.
I can’t wait to marry Richard in June 2021 overlooking the sea in Marbella and truthfully, another year is just another year of being engaged to the person who I am lucky enough to spend the rest of my life with, and that, is never a bad thing.
Click here to read all Sarah’s planning posts to date.
Sarah and Rich’s Wedding Vendors booked so far:
Venue – Tikitano Beach
Photographer – Nani De Perez
Wedding Planner – optimum weddings {offers 10% discount to all members of Smashing The Glass’s Brides Club}
Dress – Mirror Mirror London {offers £200 discount for veil and accessory purchases over £400 to all members of Smashing The Glass’s Brides Club}
Videographer – Antonio De Perez
Stationery – Simcha Invitations
Chuppah singer – JJ Hodari
Band – One Entertainment
Hair + Makeup – Alex Harrocks and Nicola McGeorge
Welcome Party – at Besaya Beach
Toastmaster – Jamie Paskin
If you’re a Jewish or Jew-ish bride-to-be, join Smashing The Glass’ Brides Club for step-by-step guides, handpicked wedding vendor discounts, Jewish wedding action plans, a free smash glass pouch, Jewish wedding checklists and templates, and SO much more!
Guided by the world’s number 1 Jewish wedding expert, Karen Cinnamon, Brides Club is the private community for Jewish and Jew-ish brides that minimizes wedstress and overwhelm and maximises your budget. Join our Brides Club here.
